Not content to let Jamie Oliver be the only soon-to-be father of five in the beady-eyed famous blond British chef game, Gordon Ramsay announced on The Late Late Show last night on that his wife Tana Ramsay is currently knocked up with their fifth kid. To put that in terms that Hell’s Kitchen viewers will understand, Gordon put his unwrapped beef wellington on the same plate as Tana’s halibut, dumped a whole bunch of risotto on top, and soon they’ll have a perfectly cooked scallop. He also revealed that Baby Scallop will arrive in September and will be their fourth daughter.

“I’m a little bit nervous. Obviously, I’m happy with another girl. Four girls. Four weddings. Four Sweet 16s. Four boyfriends. Um, so.”

Gordon and Tana already have a small army of teens in their house, which includes an 18-year-old Megan, two 16-year-old twins Jack and Holly, and 14-year-old Mathilda. It’s a good thing Gordon is rich as hell, because Gordon and Tana are probably going to have to buy all new baby stuff. The Ramsay’s youngest kid is 14-years-old, and I don’t know many people that hang on to cribs and stinky old diaper genies for almost a decade and a half.

But I wouldn’t be surprised if the first thing they purchased for the new baby was a couple pairs of ear plugs. Not for Gordon and Tana, either. For the baby. “Welcome to the family, little sister! You’re going to want to keep these on you at all times, just in case dad finds a rotten lime in the back of the fridge and has a meltdown.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqaGHW_JsB0

When Jennifer Lawrence performed her latest choreographed stumble in London, I didn’t even bother lifting up the score card with a giant zero on it. It was such a pathetic attempt, and it was sad seeing the one-time Legend of the Falls fall from grace with that half-assed stumble. Maybe Jennifer Lawrence just needs a little inspiration, and so she should pull up a chair and watch rejected Mouseketeer turned pop person Meghan Trainor bust her ass on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon last night.

Two painful things happened during Meghan’s performance: She sang that eardrum-bruising song “Me Too” and her ankle turned on her by causing her bass to go boom. Meghan’s fall gets a solid 7.5 from me. Trick gave us ankle wiggling, a hair flip and a shriek. After Meghan’s ass ate floor, Jimmy Fallon turned himself into Jimmy Fallin’ by lying next her. Meghan is fine and didn’t die, so it’s okay to laugh, and then re-watch it and laugh, and then re-watch it again and laugh, and then re-watch it again and laugh X 300,000.

Because I care about your nerves and don’t want you to hurt yourself by listening to the song, the lead-up to the fall starts at the 3:40 mark.

https://youtu.be/ewaQgopjitg

You’re probably wondering why Meghan just didn’t Photoshop that fall out of her performance. Meghan said on Good Morning America today that she re-shot the performance, but they decided to go with that one. Because you know, a Meghan Trainor performance on its own is about as exciting as flavorless oatmeal made with tap water, but add in a fall and it’s instantly entertaining. America runs on pop tricks falling.

You know you’re so goddamn happy to be done with someone when you’re willing to kiss them. That’s true hate, right there. So today was Michael Strahan’s last day on Live! With Kelly and Michael before he moves on to GMA, and shockingly enough the show didn’t end with Kelly Ripa grabbing a mic and screaming “HIT IT, GELMAN!” before launching into a high-energy karaoke version of NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye.” It did, however, end with Michael being played off like his Oscar speech was running on too long.

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Despite the fact less than 24-hours earlier she was vague-tweeting a link to a song about falling out of love to her 88.4 million followers, Katy Perry has asked that you kindly stop talking about the drama surrounding her relationship. Katy hopped on Twitter yesterday and side-eyed everyone who was whispering about her boyfriend Orlando Bloom, because there is nothing to whisper about. According to Katy, you can go ahead and throw those pictures of Orlando getting handsy with Selena Gomez at a Las Vegas club into the trash with your proof of lizard people existing and the moon landing being fake, because it’s nothing but a conspiracy.

Instead of giving energy & eyeballs to dumb conspiracy 🚮 check out how C👁👁L this is: https://t.co/ClmGlPMz3x #dontfeedthebeast

— KATY PERRY (@katyperry) May 12, 2016

That’s right, instead take a look at all the good work Orlando is doing. Hashtag don’t feed the beast! Pay no attention to the Orlando that may have hooked up with a 23-year-old last weekend. Selena Gomez clearly agrees, because she retweeted Katy’s request and added some emoji praise hands.

Not too long after (six minutes to be exact), she tweeted the following, which may or may not have anything to do with Katy’s original tweet. But it doesn’t matter, because the important thing is that we stop talking about this!

#killemwithkindness -one day they’ll get it lol

— Selena Gomez (@selenagomez) May 13, 2016

Just like that, Taylor Swift threatened to revoke Selena’s membership to the I Hate Katy Perry Club. “Did you or did you not take an oath promising to be as vindictive and dramatic as possible? You’re on tour – you could have welcomed Ashlee Simpson to the stage and sung that ‘Didn’t Steal Your Boyfriend’ song together while dressed up as cats. I’m just so disappointed right now.”

Speaking of Taylor and conspiracy theories, Wendy Williams recently put on her tinfoil hat and wondered if Taylor had anything to do with the rumors about Selena and Orlando. No! Wendy, STOP! We don’t need ’90s alt girl Katy to get public revenge on the most popular girl in Famous People High School by making her own version of “Bad Blood.” Besides, we already have that, it’s called Daria.

Pic: Wenn.com

The worst part is the brown snowflakes that will cover everything in a 500 mile radius for the next 3 days. – tim

Upvote winner:

Weapons of Ass Destruction – johnny boy

Pic: Tosh.0

Jo Paw-velski, the black pussy who instantly became the lucky charm to the San Jose Sharks!

Seen above looking like she just read Kendra Wilkinson’s gross tweets, Jo Paw-velski is the current reigning Pussy Queen of Hockey in San Jose, CA. Since it’s Friday the 13th, we’re supposed to stay away from black cats (“Why they gotta be black?” – RuPaul), but Jo Paw-velski has proven that dusty superstition is stupid trash, because she’s actually a good luck charm.

During Game 1 of the San Jose Sharks vs. Nashville Predators series in the Stanley Cup playoffs on April 29th, Jo Paw-velski ran onto the ice. Game 1 was played on the Sharks’ home turf at the SAP Center, so some tricks thought it was a bad sign. But the Sharks beat the Predators’ asses that night, and won every single home game since then. At the SAP Center in San Jose last night, the Sharks ended the Predators’ season by beating them in Game 7. The Sharks are moving on to the next round. Strangely enough, every time the Sharks played in the Predators’ house in Nashville, they lost. Coincidence, I think not. The Sharks owe their home game wins to the luck of Jo Paw-velski!

Shortly after Jo crashed the ice, she was caught and taken to the Humane Society of Silicone Valley, where she’s waiting to either be picked up by her human or adopted (there’s a long list of interested humans). Jo Paw-velski was named after the Sharks captain Joe Pavelski. Jo has got her own Twitter account and is even the star of her a 24/7 webcam show. It’s no Shiba Inu 6 Show, but I still spent about 10 minutes of my morning watching Jo sleep, and it was thrilling.

Jo Paw-velski has broken several stereotypes. Cats are supposed to hate water and Jo’s paws touched ice and ice is water! Cats and fish are supposed to be enemies, but Jo helped the Sharks win and Sharks are fish! Black cats are supposed to be bad luck, but Jo has proven that she’s the opposite of bad luck! If the Sharks end up winning the Stanley Cup, they better turn it into Jo’s throne by putting a pillow in it. Because she’d be the sole reason for their victory!

Pic: HSSV