Robin Wright Had To Fight For The Same Pay As Kevin Spacey For “House Of Cards”
Kevin Spacey’s Frank Underwood would be nothing without Robin Wright’s Claire Underwood, and I would say “vice versa,” but I’d definitely binge watch an entire Frank-less season of House of Cards where Claire just sends icy death rays at her rivals while working the hell out of a Donna Karan shift dress. Even though, Kevin and Robin’s roles are as equally as important, their paychecks weren’t equal until she pulled a Claire Underwood and demanded that those bitches pay her the same amount OR ELSE!
Does Mimi Know “Her” Yet?
Hello Kitty’s human ambassador was on Watch What Happens Live last night, and she showed up late and made Andy Cohen switch chairs because she wanted the camera to get her good side, dahling. The diva had landed.
On WWHL last night, Mariah Carey didn’t have anything nice to say about her nemesis Nicki Minaj, she said that she and billionaire Shrek will sign a prenup before they get hitched and she got into the “I Don’t Know Her” meme that will never die and will long live forever. (Side note: I’m surprised the Bernie Bros. haven’t started an #IDontKnowHer campaign about Hillary Clinton.) When JLo was on WWHL in March, she made it sound like there’s zero drama between them. On last night’s episode, the shifty Siamese Cat once again asked the Diva’dley Lion if she knows “her” and no, Mimi still doesn’t know “her.”
Chris Brown Might Have Gotten Into Some Drug Trouble On A Plane
“Might?” said everyone who is looking at that picture of a stoned Chris Brown and wondering just how many invisible cartoon squirrels he thinks he’s winking at. However, if you were to ask Chris Brown, he’s not stoned at all, and he definitely wasn’t so stoned that he was escorted off a plane.
A Blake Lively Instagram Post Brought The Outrage, And Made Me Feel Really, Really Old
For being about as bland as a dried out water chestnut lying on a bed of wilted iceberg lettuce, Blake NotSoLively knows how to bring the controversy!
Fresh off from mouth dribbling out more heave-inducing words of praise for feminist worm dingle Woody Allen, Blake pissed people off again last night. Blake wore one of Miss Delaware 1989’s rejected gowns to the Cafe Society premiere at Cannes last week, but since everything about her is slow, just got around to posting pictures of it on Instagram. People didn’t get mad over the fact that it looks like Blake stole a dress from Vanna White and wore it worse. Blake’s caption is what really brought out the torches out. “Ah do declare, just thinking of the blazing light illuminating off of the torches of the gentlemen as they take their nightly walk in white robes takes my breath away,” said Beige O’Hara.
The most offensive part of this screen shot of Blake’s caption is that it reveals I follow her on Instagram. Now here’s my scandal:
Some didn’t understand Blake’s caption and some were offended. Jezebel wrote this about Blake’s “Oh, my, god, Becky, look at her butt” moment: “In the end, it touts a diametrical opposition: that Los Angeles can be equated to elegance and/or beauty (read: whiteness), and that Oakland is its foil (read: blackness).”
Meanwhile, as some tricks scratched their heads over what Blake’s caption meant, I scratched at the grey pube sprouting out of my wrinkled and geriatric crotch. Because I, being an old, immediately knew that line came from the mind of esteemed 90s philosopher and THE QUEEN’s most cherished knighthood recipient Sir Mix-A-Lot. Doesn’t everybody know every line to “Baby Got Back,” because didn’t everyone’s mom drunk dance to it at a wedding? Or maybe Blake wasn’t quoting Sir Mix-A-Lot. Maybe what she meant is that her face was crafted with a Los Angeles plastic surgeon’s scalpel and her ass implants were stuffed into her nalgas by a plastic surgeon in Oakland.
And really, the only way to make everyone forget about this is for Ryan Reynolds to post a fully hard nude pic on Twitter with the caption: “My anaconda….”
Guess Who Got Matching 10th Anniversary Tattoos?!?
No, not Janice the Muppet after an eye lift and a horny possum (but I can see how you’d make that mistake). The owners of said tattoo/future mistake are Tori Spelling and The Deaner. That’s right, the couple that has continued to define the words healthy, stable, and…whatever the opposite of shameless is got themselves a permanent reminder of their dysfunctional love. How romantic and not at all something that will one day be removed in 4-6 laser treatments during a docuseries called End of Our sTORI: My Divorce from Dean.
Tori and The Deaner decided to get matching 10th anniversary tattoos in Paris. I really wish I was bringing you the news that Tori got a tramp stamp that says DEANER, and Dean got a chest piece that says JACKPOT, but they kept it a little classier than that. Both Tori and Dean got the phrase “Tout mon coeur Toute ma vie“, which translates to “All my heart All my life” (or “My whole heart My whole life“, depending on who you ask).
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott get matching tattoos in Paris – Daily Mail: Daily MailTori Spelling and Dean… https://t.co/QAtx0WkEn0
— Tori Spelling (@ToriSpellingHQ) May 17, 2016
You can see more of their tattoo date, including a pic of a shirtless Dean, over at The Daily Mail.
Dean’s new tattoo joins the rest of his Tori-inspired tattoos. Shortly after The Deaner got busted for sticking his peener in some Canadian strange, he got their wedding vows tattooed on his torso. He also has a portrait of her face on his arm and her name above his dick. Apparently Dean is her husband and her most psychotic fan. But I can’t help but wonder how Dean and Tori ended up going with that specific tattoo. I bet Dean chose it, and it went a little something like this:
“Don’t worry babe, let me handle it. I’m Canadian, so obviously I speak French. Yo, garcon. Qu’est ce que c’est crappening? Moi et le wife want to get le tattoos. Something le romantique, but also…how you say…could apply to something else in the event I end up putting mon jambon in some random croissant and she dumps moi ass, you feel me? Maybe something like ‘all my heart, all my life’, cuz I fucking j’adore Miller High Life. Alright, garde-le sleazy.”
Pic: Instagram
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS For May 17th!
Met Ball 2020. Madonna’s ego hatches and she finally covers up. – pamorama_j
Upvote winner:
Alien, seen here at Cannes in support of Woody Allen’s latest work. When asked for a quote, she replied that she had a long history of working with Predators. – Tanagra
Pic: Izismile