The Deaner Has Tori Spelling’s Name Tattooed Above His Peener

May 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Because the producers of Fame WhORI are always searching for a new metric to which one might measure just how much information is too much information, Tori Spelling confessed that The Deaner has her name tattooed above his dick. Really? A sleazy beady-eyed bangaholic asshole like The Deaner has an upper-dick tattoo? Color me a crappenin’ shade of shocked.

In the latest episode of The Tori & Deaner Lie-Time Variety Hour, Pale Man’s low self-esteem sister admitted to all 9 of their viewers that she was hesitant to let The Deaner return to Canada to film Chopped Canada for fear that he’d cheat on her again. A friend then suggests she make him sign a legal document that says he won’t try to tame any maple-flavoured strange, and Tori joked it should be a tattoo on his body so he doesn’t forget.

That’s when Tori decided to initiate humanity’s largest collective dry heave by telling the friend that a tattoo wouldn’t prevent shit, since her possum-faced dirtbag husband already has the word “Tori’s” tattooed on the booze-bloated pouch located directly above his dick. Her friend then asked if it was actually on his dick, to which Tori clarified that it was above it, nestled somewhere beneath his greasy, sweat-matted pubes.

However, I don’t think The Deaner meant to get “Tori’s” tattooed above his dick as a sign of ownership. It was probably a miscommunication between the tattoo artist and a beer-drowsy Deaner:

“Hey bro, I want to get the word “Sorry” above my johnson. See, I got this problem: The Deaner loves to bang chicks, but he also loves get shit-faced on the cheap stuff. So by the time I’m ready to get my wang waxed, all that booze has made things no es bueno between my legs, and I’m like, Whoopsies, my bad!”

Unfortunately, The Deaner drew out what he wanted it to look like on the back of a business card, but handed it to the tattoo artist right side up. So instead of seeing “Sorry” above a dick, he saw “Tori’s Husband” followed by several dollar signs and the words “Future Lottery Winner”, and the artist accidentally tattooed “Tori’s” above his peener instead.

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