Famous people get recognized all the time, and one of the most common places is at the airport. Ed O’Neill is famous for a whole bunch of reasons, but the two most obvious would be for playing Al Bundy on Married…with Children and Jay on Modern Family. So it should be no surprise that random people would stop him in the airport and ask for a picture. Ed was recently on Ellen, and he told a story about being recognized in the airport by a fan. The only thing was, the fan wasn’t some random person; it was Britney Spears, and he had no idea.

Ed says he was waiting to board a flight to Hawaii from LAX last May when Brit Brit approached him and said: “Oh, Mr. O’Neill, I love Modern Family, and you’re my favorite on the show.” I would have thought Britney would be more of a Mitchell fan, on account of him looking the most like a Cheeto (“Ah could just gobble him up!”). But no, Britney loves the grouchy grandpa types apparently. She asked Ed for a picture, and Ed agreed. How very un-Justin Bieber of you, Ed O’Neill.

Britney later tweeted the pic with the caption: “Fancy running into this guy! Such a sweetheart!!” Ed finally realized who the excited airport rando was after his manager texted him about it the next day. His daughter, of course, knew exactly who it was, and called him a moron for not recognizing that he was in the presence of such a legend. It all happens around the 3:08 mark below.

That was really nice of Ed, because he clearly made her day. I mean, look at Britney’s face! That’s the most life-like Britney has looked in years! The next time Britney’s handlers want a real, not-forced smile from her at an event, they should shout “Look! It’s the grandpa from Modern Family!”

Pic: Twitter

Today is a day that is happening, which means there’s another famous trick going on about how they keep their body grasshopper dick skinny and stay healthy by eating a steady diet of distilled water and almond-scented air sandwiches. Kate Bosworth admits that her regular every day diet is almost as bland as she is, but she does allow her taste buds to tingle over a touch of deliciousness. Kate says that the one indulgence you will never be able to pry out of her claws is a bottle of ketchup. That’s a lot different than the daily indulgence you will never be able to pry out of my claws: a Hershey bar and weed-infused Nutella sandwich. Did I say indulgence? I meant necessity.

At the launch of a topical acne ointment, Kate talked to Self magazine about what she puts in her mouth on a daily basis, and she said that she’s on a wheat-free, sugar-free and mostly-dairy-free meal plan. She still drinks the leche of goats. Kate’s secret to making her food delicious is ketchup. If eating tons of ketchup red-ifies your caca, then the inside of Kate’s toilet must look like an episode of Game of Thrones, because she puts it on everything! The Ketchup Song is her life anthem.

But of course, the 33-year-old actress has that one thing she could never cut out. “Ketchup is the indulgence that I never give up. Ketchup on everything,” she said.

Bosworth knows that although this diet is delicious, it’s a bit strict. And she revealed that she only eats this way 80 percent of the time. When she goes to Montana to spend time with her husband Michael Polish, it’s a totally different story. She’s drinking whiskey, chowing down on burgers, and cooking ragu in between riding horses and swimming.

Maybe Kate is really on to something. If I put ketchup on all of my food, my daily calorie intake would go from like 3,000 calories to 3 calories a day. But I wonder, Kate says she puts ketchup on everything, but does she really put it on everything? If so, then Kate and her husband’s friends now know why their crotches always reek of tomato bisque.

Here’s the ketchup-head at the launch of that topical acne ointment in NYC on June 3rd.

Pics: Getty, Wenn.com

In 100 years, when they start including messy social media fights in history books, our children’s children will learn about one of the greatest social media battles of our time: The Khloe Kardashian vs. Amber Rose Twitter Whore War of 2015. Amber threw a judgemental side-eye at Tyga for dating then-underage Kylie Jenner, which Khloe responded to by calling Amber a stripper, to which Amber fired back with a crack about Kim Kardashian’s sex tape. The Twitter Whore War was the catalyst for Kanye West’s historical 30 Showers Address, which lead to the Booty Ass Bitch Blitz of 2016.

Eventually General Rose and Kommander Kim called a truce on social media. But it looks like four months is about as long as she could hold out before once again bringing up that fight with Khloe and Kim’s sex tape.

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On Friday, Johnny Depp’s side and Amber Heard’s side will be in court for a hearing to decide whether or not her temporary restraining order against him becomes permanent. The court reporter scheduled to work that hearing has already breathed out a giant sigh of relief over not having to control their heaves while inhaling a thick cloud of decaying teeth fumes, because Johnny is reportedly going to keep his mouth mostly shut and plead the fifth out of fear that his words will be used to charge him with domestic abuse. Johnny is not going to testify and now TMZ is reporting that another thing isn’t going to happen during that hearing. Amber’s lawyer will not fight for her to temporarily get $50,000 a month in spousal support.

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Here’s some news that’s bound to be a real bummer to those lovesick dreamers out there who were wishing on a star that they might one day be the next goddess to write the name “Mrs. Charlie Sheen” on their checks.

During a recent interview with Extra to promote a new condom (but more on that in a second), humanoid sketchy pet shop lizard Charlie Sheen admitted that he will never get married again. Charlie says he is too busy trying to stay healthy to be married to someone. But….he also admits that he sucks at marriage.

“There’s nobody special right now. I’m not dating. I got my hands full with dealing with my health, taking care of my family. People ask me about marriage. You know, I think I would sooner walk on the moon in exactly what I’m wearing than head back to the altar….Never going to happen, never going to happen. When you’re terrible at something, why keep doing it? I’m 0 for 3.”

Charlie’s first marriage ended in 1996 after he was busted for being a name on Heidi Fleiss’ client list. His second marriage to Denise Richards ended in 2006, but they’re still fighting about money. His third marriage to Brooke Mueller is also a mess (they’re also fighting about money and she recently took out a restraining order against him). So getting married again might not be a great idea. Holy shit, did Charlie Sheen just say something that makes sense?

Okay, so about that condom thing.

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So far, the media has done a really good job of finding everything out about the shooter who murdered 49 people at Pulse in Orlando. The media has given us important information like how he was probably also a self-hating close case, but this morning I also read some shit about how when he was 8 years old, he didn’t like to sit and watch TV. That explains everything! Well last night, Anderson Cooper stepped away from talking about the Orlando mass murderer and took 7 minutes out of his broadcast to name the victims and tell their stories.

Journalists usually seem to keep their emotions set to “serious” when covering the news, but while reading all of the names, Anderson had to press pause a few times to keep from crying.

The Daily Beast also has the names of the 49 victims and their stories. It was hard to read, but I felt like I needed to. And if you’re at work and want your co-workers to still believe that you’re a cold-hearted, emotionless robot, read the names in the bathroom by yourself and loudly play a Creed song so nobody will dare come in.