Category: This Is News

Dakota Johnson’s Tooth Gap Is Gone And People Are Sad For Some Reason

August 6, 2019 / Posted by:

Sorry all you gap-tooth lovers out there–one of your Queens has fallen. Dakota Johnson seems to have closed that small gap between her two front teeth as it looks like the once-parted incisors are now fully connected best friends. And you know what? The internet has an opinion on the matter. It’s wild to think that people would comment on Dakota Johnson changing her own physical appearance since the Internet usually doesn’t notice these thing.

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Tommy Lee Brags That His Wife Is Totally Organic

June 19, 2019 / Posted by:

Legend has it that one time when Tommy Lee was vacationing in Vancouver, the 460-foot  Capilano Suspension Bridge collapsed, leaving many people unable to get to the other side. Tommy simply shrugged, pulled out his life-saving dick, lasso’d it to the other side, and accepted warm hugs of gratitude from the people who safely got across by walking on his temporary bridge dick. So, you’d think that a dude with a big dick wouldn’t feel like he has anything to prove, but even big dick-havers feel like they have something to prove for no reason. Case in point: 56-year-old Tommy Lee posted a picture of his 32-year-old wife of 4 months Brittany Furlan in a two-piece, and let us all know that she’s so natural, organic, and grass-fed that even Gwyneth Paltrow would eat her.

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Meghan Markle’s Rebel Messy Bun Spit All Over The Royal Beauty Rules

January 9, 2018 / Posted by:

See, this is what happens when an American commoner is allowed into the British royal family. She single-handedly single-bunedly rocks the monarchy as we know it with her sloppy hair!

Meghan Markle and Prince Hot Ginge were back at work today in Brixton, where she continued to do her main job: keep the coat industry alive by wearing a coat everyone will buy. Meghan and PHG also visited Reprezent Radio, a station for youngins’ by youngins’. Surprisingly, the main talk isn’t about Meghan’s coat or even her slight British accent, it’s all about her MESSY BUN!

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Sarah Hyland Used Twitter To Shit On CVS For Not Having Her Meds Available 

December 20, 2017 / Posted by:

In case you didn’t know that the week leading up to Christmas is usually slower than a coked-up sloth’s cum shot, take a look at that headline again.

The beef of our time started yesterday when 27-year-old Sarah Hyland (she’s the brown-haired daughter on Modern Family who isn’t my style icon Ariel Winter) Crisco’d up her face, put razors in her hair and had a friend hold her bag so she could drag CVS out onto the Twitter yard and fight them. Sarah called CVS out for closing before she could pick up some very important medication. That led to CVS apologizing to Sarah, which led to her accusing them of not caring, which led to them saying that they do care, which led to Sarah posting several videos about the situation. It’s times like these when we should thank Twitter for existing so that celebrities like Sarah can publicly bitch out a corporation for fucking her over and us bloggers can make a long post about it during a slow pre-holiday week. Thank you, Baby Jesus, for giving us Twatter!

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You Can Find Anything At Marshalls, Including Diana Ross’ Fanny Pack

November 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Diana Ross is a capital-L legend, and legends like her don’t need to do their own shopping. They should just sit on their nicest velvet chaise and summon their best assistant to retrieve it for them. But Diana Ross does do her own shopping. While looking for a picture of Diana Ross, I found many of her out and about, running her own errands and carrying her own bags  I’m still recovering from such a shock to my system). Apparently even wealthy diva legends enjoy a good discount department store bargain hunt.

According to Page Six, Diana Ross was shopping for a gift over the weekend in Los Angeles, which led her to a local Marshalls. At one point during her trip, Diana lost her fanny pack somewhere in the store. A Good Samaritan found it, and rather than keeping it as a souvenir or trying to sell it on eBay as a million-dollar collectable art piece, they turned it in. She was so thankful for her shopping angell (two Ls because they’re double the blessing).

Almost everyone comes out a winner in this story: Diana for getting her precious fanny pack back, the kind soul who returned it and Marshalls for the good publicity. The only loser is the marketing executives at Ross who are no doubt supremely pissed off that Diana wasn’t caught shopping for deals in one of their stores. Do You Know Where Diana Ross Goes To Dress for Less? would have been a great campaign.

But why is Diana Ross still using a fanny pack? I shouldn’t be such a hater. It’s probably so she can keep her hands free while she scoops up $29.99 crystal-look vases with one hand and on-trend jewel-toned sweaters with the other. That’s just smart shopping.



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