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June 7, 2016 / Posted by:

Las Ketchup!

National Ketchup Day was on June 5th, but it’s better late than absolutely never to celebrate that important holiday by paying tribute one of the best-selling girl groups of the early aughts (and yes that was served with a slathering of ketchup on top, but it wasn’t served with a giant slathering of sarcasm on top. They really are one of the best-selling acts of the early 2000s.)

Las Ketchup is or was a girl group made up of three Spanish sisters, and later another sister joined them. I say “is” or “was,” because I don’t know if they’re still together. They are on Twitter, but they haven’t tweeted in a while. Their follower count must be a typo. It says that they have 191 followers, but stupid ass Twitter must have not added an M to the end of that number.

Las Ketchup squirted out ten giant waves of ketchup all over the music industry when they unleashed Aserejé (The Ketchup Song) onto the world. Because most of the world has exquisite taste in both musical classics and condiments, The Ketchup Song was a worldwide mega hit and sold 7 million copies. Their first album Hijas del Tomate also sold 12 million copies internationally.

Like many artistic geniuses (see: Harper Lee, Georges Seurat and Stacey Q), Las Ketchup had only one gigantic hit. Everything else they put out after The Ketchup Song wasn’t as nearly as successful, but who cares? They already cemented their place in musical history with The Ketchup Song, which came out in Spanish, Spanglish and Portuguese versions. The Ketchup Song was the Macarena of 2002, and if you still know the dance, then you should consider quitting your job to teach dance history at Juilliard. Because you obviously know the most important moments in the history of dance.

If you know this masterpiece, then you already know that the chorus is a CAPTCHA version of Rapper’s Delight. They took Rapper’s Delight and ran it through the nonsensical gibberish generator. It’s what my abuelita, who only spoke Spanish, would sing if she tried to rap Rapper’s Delight right after getting a root canal.

And there’s two things I hope for Las Ketchup: 1. I hope they one day get the Heinz endorsement deal they so deserve. 2. I hope they join the Spice Girls and Salt-N-Pepa for a Legendary Condiments World Tour!

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