Lately, Rob Lowe has been proving himself rather adept at the art of the self-own. Last month when Elizabeth Warren announced her bid for Presidency, he took a break from eating his rice and tweeted that she “would bring a whole new meaning to Commander in “Chief”. He deleted that tweet after substantial backlash, but now another tone deaf “joke” has backfired on him. Rob appeared on the WTF Podcast with Marc Maron and complained that the sex he starred in with a 16-year-old girl, did nothing for his career. He said that if it had come out today, it might have been a career boon! I’m sorry Rob, did you just wake up from a two year nap?
I read this story about eight times yesterday at eight different sites, and unpacking it was like trying to unpack a messy suitcase while operating on 20 minutes of sleep at 3 in the morning after an 8-hour long flight where a baby screamed the entire way and the Ambien I took refused to work. I just wanted to close up my suitcase and eat a microwaved Marie Callender’s chicken pot pie while watching 90 Day Fiancé reruns. But here we are. This story involves an underage porn, blackmail, and the murder of an openly gay trap star. If you just can’t with any of this, and would rather watch the totally fake chancelta-throwing video that keeps landing in my inbox, here you go.
Kim Kardashian recently revealed that the two times she popped ecstasy, she ended up getting married for the first time, and filming her sex tape with Ray J. The only problem is, Ray J “sources” are calling bullshit on that.
Several items belonging to Hugh Hefner, who died last year, are being auctioned off later this month, like his iconic smoking jacket (which may or may not include crusty crumpled-up old man tissues in the pocket), his silk pajamas, and a custom pipe carved with the Playboy Bunny logo. According to sources who spoke with The Sun, Hugh’s dirtier pieces won’t be up for sale. Those sources claim that before Hugh passed away at the age of 91, he cleaned his house top to bottom of sex tapes, photos, and raunchy letters (some allegedly from famous people). He then allegedly put them in a casket custom-made with a cement lining, locked it up, and had the whole thing dumped into the Pacific ocean.
Mischa Barton’s lawyer Lisa Bloom is the daughter of Gloria Allred, and as everybody knows by now, Gloria Allred is known for her legendary press conferences. Well, like mother, like daughter. Lisa too holds press conferences with her celebrity clients. And yesterday, she held one to talk about how she plans to track down the evil doers behind Mischa Barton’s sex tape. Lisa is going to bring them to their knees and make them scream for their mommy as they gouge their own eyes out because they can’t take her blazing glare of rage. Once again, Lisa Bloom is Liam Neeson in Taken and Liam Neeson in Taken is Lisa Bloom. Don’t fuck with her.
Within the past couples of months, Mischa Barton has been going through it again. First, Mischa was shuffled off to the hospital after losing it in the backyard of her West Hollywood apartment. (Mischa later claimed that she was drugged with GHB.) Then, Mischa crashed a U-Haul into a carport after moving out of her apartment. And now, Mischa is trying to kill a sex tape starring her.