Courteney Cox Wants You To Leave Jennifer Aniston Out Of The Brangelina Drama
Just like how Bloody Mary is supposed to appear in the mirror if you say her name three times or a lawyer shows up to your house if you piss off Taylor Swift, Jennifer Aniston’s name is likely to get dragged up when someone types the words “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting a divorce.” Even though Jennifer Aniston hasn’t really had much to do with Brad Pitt since getting him to sign divorce papers eleven years ago, some people still want to know what she thinks about the news that her cheater ex-husband and the tomb wrecker are splitting up. Jenny hasn’t said anything publicly, but some of her nearest and dearest have. Much like Justin Theroux, Courteney Cox thinks you should be leaving Jennifer Aniston’s name out of it.
Open Post: Hosted By Prince William And Duchess Kate Eating Peen Clams
Prince William and Duchess Kate, the hardest working Brits in the universe, are still working hard on their week-long tour through British Columbia, and yesterday, they rewarded themselves for all the labor they’ve done by filling their royal mouths with dick… shaped…. clams. Duchess Kate apparently has a rule where she doesn’t eat at public events, because she doesn’t want the photographers getting jacked-up pictures of her looking like she just tasted rotten spooge (see: jacked-up pictures below of DK looking like she just tasted rotten spooge). But Duchess Kate broke that rule at The Taste of British Columbia Festival in Kelowna when she and her man were served delicacies like geoduck. In case you don’t already know, geoduck is more like geoDICK, because it looks like this:
Duchess Kate nibbled on it a bit and probably made reporters choke on the laughs they had to keep down when she said this about it:
“There is a slightly firmer texture to this. It’s really unusual. I’ve never seen it before. It’s so fresh from the sea.”
Duchess Kate and Prince William really need to take a master class in how to royal from Prince Hot Ginge. Because if PHG was at this event, he would’ve given the people what we really want by licking the tip of a geoduck while winking. A real seasoned and professional royal cares about the people and cares enough about them to give them fapping material!
Pics: Splash, Evergreen State College
“The Lion King” Is The Latest Disney Film To Get The Live-Action Treatment
Don’t worry, Timon and Pumbaa; I also don’t know how to feel about this news.
For the past couple of years, Mickey Mouse has been reaching into the Disney cartoon vault, blowing the dust off the first VHS his hand touched, and going “Sure, let’s make a live-action version of this.” Disney almost has more live-action adaptations made or in-production than they do dalmatians at this point. We last left off at a live-action adaptation of The Little Mermaid. Today, Variety is reporting that Disney has announced that their next animated feature-turned-possible live-action mess will be 1994’s The Lion King.
Make Way For The Lamb Stampede: Miley Cyrus Talked Shit About Mariah Carey
When you think of Miley Cyrus, you immediately have to rinse your mouth out with industrial-strength Listerine since the taste of chipmunk smegma covers your tongue. But after you do that and think of Miley Cyrus again, you think of a serious artiste who is all about the art and her voice and isn’t at all about gimmicks or herself or what she’s wearing. Miley Cyrus thinks that of Miley Cyrus too! And Miley Cyrus is the complete opposite of Mariah Carey.
Rob Kardashian’s Problems With Blac Chyna Have Sent Him Back To Chunk Town Again
Yesterday we found out that this generation’s Luke and Laura (slap me sideways for that comparison) were having some messy relationship problems. Rob Kardashian tweeted Kylie Jenner’s personal phone number as payback for throwing him a baby shower and not inviting the woman he knocked up. That’s when we discovered, thanks to TMZ of course, that the reason Blac Chyna was deliberately left off the guest list wasn’t because the Kardashians didn’t have enough double-wide chairs for all the fake butts in attendance. It was because Chyna and Rob hadn’t spoken for months. According to TMZ, Rob and his 8-months-pregnant fiancée Chyna are over. Today we’re learning that they might not be that over.
The Alien Lizard King Interviewed Tom Hiddleston And Refused To Ask About “A Certain Someone”
The two main clit-tinglers of Tumblr got together for a conversation for Interview magazine, and they pretty much stayed away from talking about personal crap. Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston licking each other’s crumpet holes while talking about the business of movie making is even less thrilling and riveting than an interview between wet paint and the wall it’s drying on. You probably didn’t read any of that since it’s kind of hard to read while you’re squinting from laughing so hard at Tom trying to serve up “Patrick Bateman’s serial-killing protégé” sinisterness in that picture above. Oh, Tommy, stop playing. Those photo-ops with Taylor Swift are scarier and more sinister than this shit.