Open Post: Hosted By Jessica Lange As Joan Crawford
The gay television event of 2017, Feud, has already started shooting in Los Angeles, and the paps got the first pictures of Jessica Lange in full Joan Crawford drag while filming scenes with Reed Diamond. In case you’re some kind of weirdo who hasn’t kept track of every detail of this soon-to-be masterpiece, Feud is about the bitch battle royale that Joan Crawford and Bette Davis got into while making What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Susan Sarandon is playing Bette Davis and Catherine Zeta-Jones is playing Olivia de Havilland. As for Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford….
I don’t know. My eyes aren’t really seeing Joan Crawford. They’re mostly seeing Jessica Lange as Shirley MacLaine in My Geisha. That eyebrow situation should be so bold that when I look at it, it should punch me in the eyeballs and leave me seeing brow-shaped floaters for the next 3 hours. That eyebrow situation is barely lightly flicking me in the eyes. Joan Crawford’s glorious eyebrows were so hairy and thick that the people around her could barely speak, because when they weren’t spitting out brow hairs, they were choking on the paint fumes wafting off of her face.
Ryan Murphy should bring in Alyssa Edwards, who played Joan Crawford twice on RuPaul’s Drag Race this season, to be a makeup consultant. Because Alyssa Edwards truly captured Joan Crawford’s essence.
And that is a screen shot of Alyssa working one of Joan’s more casual daytime looks. Maybe the producers of Feud know that there’s not enough Sharpies in the country to fully recreate Joan Crawford’s perfect brows so they’re going to CGI them in during post-production. I’m going with that.
Pics: Wenn.com
Nick Gordon Didn’t Bother Showing Up To Court, So A Judge Found Him Responsible In Bobbi Kristina Brown’s Death
The estate of Bobbi Kristina Brown sued her boyfriend/adopted brother Nick Gordon last year for allegedly scheming to get her money and being responsible for her death. The lawsuit claimed that Nick pulled some ice cold cunt stunts like transferring money from Bobbi Kristina’s account to his own the day she went into a coma. The day Bobbi Kristina was found unresponsive in a bathtub, she got into a fight with Nick and was supposed to meet up with a friend to talk about his alleged violent ways. Nick was also accused of injecting Bobbi Kristina with a “toxic mixture” that day. Nick’s lawyers spit on the lawsuit by calling it “meritless,” but he never got to tell the court in Atlanta, GA why it was meritless, because he was a no-show twice. That cost him the case.
Marc Jacobs Isn’t Sorry For Putting His Models In Dreadlocks
Marc Jacobs recently presented a fashion show at NYFW, and as we learned yesterday, he sent his models down the runway looking like a bunch of sorority girls who all decided to go to Sigma Phi’s Funkadelic mixer as George Clinton. Every model wore piles of wool dreadlocks that Marc bought from an Etsy store. Marc explained that the look was inspired by Lana Wachowski. Not surprisingly, this didn’t sit well with some people, and it wasn’t long before Marc Jacobs was accused of appropriating black culture. Marc decided to respond to the people who weren’t feeling it, and he let them know it’s he who isn’t feeling them.
Behold, Corey Feldman Giving The Performance Of His Career!
Corey Feldman is a human fountain of HIGH ART and he’s already gifted the world with masterpieces like his museum-worthy video for Ascension Millennium and the MS Paint-made cover for his double-album Angelic 2 The Core. But he somehow found a way to outdo himself in a Today Show performance that made people cringe so much that they have a new field of wrinkles on their face. They obviously cringed over the fact that they will never have the skills to swirl out the kind of flaming hot moves that Corey Feldman swirled out this morning.
Shailene Woodley’s Solution To Teen Pregnancy: Masturbation Ed.
Shailene Woodley has a movie to promote (a real movie, right Shailene?), which means it’s time for more vaguely-holistic wisdom. Shailene has taught us many things over the years like the importance of feeding your vagina Vitamin D – the real kind, not the other more-fun kind. She’s talking about vaginas again, and if you can believe it, her advice falls pretty low on the Shailene Scale of Nonsense (I’m looking at you, eating clay).
Jimmy Fallon Played With Donald Trump’s Rabid Hair And It Didn’t Bite Him Back
The butt blister in a baggy suit who is currently running for President of the United States went on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon last night, and a surprising thing happened: Jimmy Fallon barely asked Donald Trump any hard-hitting serious questions. But Jimmy Fallon now knows the answer to the question, “What does Trump’s b-hole walls taste like?”, because he spent part of the interview with his tongue up in there. And yes, Jimmy wiggled it a bit.