Who Is Hot Slut Of 2022? Vote In Round Two!
The first round in the Hot Slut of the Year semi-finals is over and has ended with The Calm Librarian sliding into the finals thanks to getting 37% of your votes. And in round two of the HSOTY showdown is The Calm Librarian’s fellow anti-maskhole warrior queen, only, this one’s the direct opposite of fucking calm. Patti LuPone and calm go together like Patti LuPone and a trick who refused to cover up their spewing germ hole in a Broadway theater. And joining Patti LuPone’s verbal slapdown on an anti-masker is a certified beauty queen, a lounging master of chaos, and a true pussy hero! Here are your choices for round two:
May – Patti LuPone’s Mask Rant, the sermon that La LuPone launched into the ear holes of audience members at an after-show Q&A for Company on Broadway when they refused to wear their masks correctly. They even dared to tell La LuPone that they paid her bills! Audacity was re-defined several times that night. That moment helped La LuPone make the decision to exit Broadway for now. So it may be one of La LuPone’s last magnificent Broadway performances in a while. So if she doesn’t win HSOTY, she should at least win a Tony Lifetime Achievement Award for checking a trick.
June – Mr. Happy Face, the 17-year-old hairless Chinese crested and Chihuahua mix who not only does an A+++ impersonation of me after watching one episode of MILF Manor but is also the current reigning World’s Ugliest Dog.
July – Freya, the instantly iconic walrus who was the party time IT girl of Norway last summer. Because when she wasn’t lounging on boats, she was sinking them and causing a commotion. Sadly, Freya was given the long kiss goodnight after the evil powers-that-be declared that she was a threat to human safety (more like the other way around) and now she’s lounging on boats and causing a commotion in heaven.
August – Billy, the cat who thought, “okay, so I guess I’ll give catmanity some good PR with the humans,” when he woke up his human who was having a heart attack in her sleep and saved her.
Voting is below. The winner of this round will be named when we vote in round three on Friday, February 3rd!
Open Post: Hosted By Bruno The Shelter Cat Who Was Accused Of Being “Too Affectionate”
Two-year old orange boy Bruno thought he’d found his people when he was adopted from the Mountville Animal Shelter in New Jersey last week. However, Bruno was soon to learn that the conditions at his new home were anything but ideal. According to People, Bruno was adopted by a mother and her young daughter, only to be returned less than a week later. You see, Bruno is one of those cats. You know the type; one of those Heresme Cats that are always in your face like “here’s me!” A bit of a diva? Perhaps, perhaps — but who wants to live in a world where charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talons get you a one-way ticket back to the animal shelter? Certainly not Bruno!
HBO’s “The Last Of Us” Gave Linda Ronstadt’s “Long Long Time” The Kate Bush Bump
I did not grow up in a Linda Ronstadt home. When it came to female singers of the sixties and seventies, my family’s loyalties lay with Carole King, Joni Mitchell, Cass Elliot, and Karen Carpenter. Up until 40 hours ago, the only Linda Ronstadt song on my iTunes was her 1974 cover of “You’re No Good”. But that was 40 hours ago, aka “The Before Times.” “Before what?” some of you might be asking. Before Sunday night’s episode of The Last Of Us. In one emotional scene, Nick Offerman’s Bill plays Linda’s song “Long Long Time” on the piano for Murray Bartlett’s Frank. Linda’s version (released in 1970) is played at the end of the episode. Variety reports that, on Sunday night, “Long Long Time” was up 4,900% in Spotify streams. That’s right, Linda got the Kate Bush “Stranger Things” bump! SPOILERS GALORE for The Last Of Us ahead… Continue reading
A Tech Millionaire, Who Is Trying To Reverse His Age, Is Being Sued By His Ex-Fiancée Because He Dumped Her After She Told Him She Has Breast Cancer
There are a lot of very nasty folks in the world, and unfortunately, a large majority of them have lots of money. But one who has secured their eternal place in Hell is tech millionaire Bryan Johnson, founder of the web payment system Braintree which was eventually bought by PayPal. He’s Disney villain evil for a multitude of reasons, including spending over $1 million a year to try to reverse his age. But the one that stands out the most is his mistreatment of his ex-fiancée Taryn Southern. Not only did he cheat on her repeatedly throughout their relationship he deserves a life full of throat punches for dumping her after she revealed she was battling breast cancer.
Tom Hanks And Robin Wright Will Be De-Aged Using AI Tech In A New Robert Zemeckis Movie
Don’t ever let anybody tell you that nepotism in Hollywood is a real issue. Sure, it happens on occasion that some son or daughter of a famous face lands a role based solely on their lineage. But even the staunchest nepo baby apologists, like Tom Hanks, can’t stop the robots from coming and stealing all the good nepo baby jobs from actual hard-working nepo babies. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Tom and his Forrest Gump Jenny, Robin Wright, have booked themselves another ride on the Robert Zemeckis Express to the Uncanny Valley for a movie called Here, in which Tom and Robin will be de-aged “using a new generative AI-driven tool dubbed Metaphysic Live.” And now, because of some computer’s ability to take magical bits and bites out of Tom’s face, his HUMAN BORN son Truman Hanks is out of a job. Can you believe they call this progress? I call it an aberration of the natural nepotistic order.
Rhiannon Ally and DeMarco Morgan May Replace Amy Robach And T.J. Holmes On “GMA3” And It’s Causing Drama
Their seats aren’t even cold yet, and already apparently, the race is on to replace former GMA3 anchors T.J. Holmes and Amy Robach, who were ousted from the network after their affair went public in a big way. Mediation talks between the couple and the network reportedly ended with T.J. and Amy getting their contracts paid out and shown the exit door. There was a rumor that ABC News wasn’t looking to replace T.J. and Amy right away, but now Page Six says that the drama is already cooking inside the company as people are clamoring for the gig. Apparently, pulling ahead of the pack are Rhiannon Ally and DeMarco Morgan. I’m sure whoever gets it will have to sign a newly-edited contract that includes a clause: “Will not fuck co-workers without talking to HR first.”