Hot Slut Of The Day!
La LuPone’s Beautiful Fuck Rant At Rule-Breaking Non-Mask-Wearing Audience Members!
La LuPone should be HSOTD every single day for the simple fact that she is La LuPone and was born with a glorious condition called chronic fuck deficiency. But Patti LuPone has only been HSOTD once before, so this is only her second time getting the HSOTD crown. And Patti’s getting it for doing what she does third-best (the first being singing and acting, and the second being hating on Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber) and that’s checking misbehaving audience members. By now, Broadway audiences should know that you need to act completely right when in the presence of THEE Patti LuPone, or she’ll call you out, and scream at you so hard that you’ll eventually liquefy into a puddle of embarrassment for her assistant to collect up and spill into her Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool. That’s what happened to some audience members after a performance of Broadway’s Company and there’s video of Patti letting ’em have it. Yup, this week is all about leaked Broadway videos. The first was a video of Jesse Williams’ WAD (wet ass dick) at Broadway’s Take Me Out, and now we’ve got a video of Patti calling out dicks for not wearing their masks correctly.
Patti LuPone played martini-guzzling Joanne in the West End revival of Company in 2018 and she won an Olivier Award for it. When the West End revival of Company went off to Broadway in 2020, Patti transferred with the show. But after just a handful of performances, it, along with every other show in the land, had to close its door because of COVID-19. Company re-opened when Broadway turned its lights back on late last year. But then in February of this year, Patti had to bow out of a few shows after catching COVID-19. Yes, it’s true that Patti’s belting is so powerful that Coronavirus can’t possibly make its way into her breathing hole since that would be like a baby flea trying to walk in a category 5 tornado. But there are times when Patti isn’t belting so that’s probably when she got Coronavirus. Yes, I am a scientist and doctor.
But seriously, since Patti has had Coronavirus already, she’s not about to get it again. Company’s COVID policy is pretty simple: audience members have to cover their nose and mouth holes with a mask at all times except when they’re eating or drinking in designated areas. And during a post-show Q&A with the cast at the Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre last night, Patti, fresh off from getting a Tony nomination, spotted audience members not following the mask rules and let them have it. That’s when one bravely stupid rule breaker, we’ll call her Ms. Death Wish, decided to fight back and let Patti know that they pay her bills. Here’s to the ladies who rant!
La LuPone: Put your mask over your nose. That is why you’re in the theater. That is the rule. If you don’t want to follow the rule, GET THE FUCK OUT! Who do you think you are if you do not respect the people that are sitting around you!
Ms. Death Wish: We pay your salary!
La LuPone: You pay my salary? Bullshit. [Producer] Chris Harper pays my salary. Just put your mask over your nose.
The rule-breakers were eventually kicked out of the theater. I tried to get a response from Ms. Death Wish but was told that she’s currently deep in the Patti LuPone Protection Program (aka she’s under a pile of Evita movie DVDs). And here’s the glorious video taken by audience member Addison Clover. Addison is lucky that they were stealth enough with their cell phone recording because we all know how Patti LuPone feels about cell phones in the THI-TURR!
Patti LuPone putting an anti-masker in their place at a talkback after the show. Just follow the fucking rules and keep the performers safe pic.twitter.com/XWnkDxyoGo
— Addison Clover (@addisonclover) May 11, 2022
Well, the good news for those audience members is that they no longer have to worry about putting a mask over their nose and mouth because Patti LuPone verbally slapped their faces right off. But a witness tells People that Patti didn’t immediately go from 0 to Full Patti. At first, she politely asked the audience members to lift up their masks before she went off. Patti eventually quit that bitch and exited stage left.
“What you don’t see in the clip is she had them kicked out and then said, ‘Fuck this, I’m done’ and stormed off the stage,” the insider said. “Talk backs are all free, so it’s not like we were cheated out of anything we paid for; we had already seen Patti’s incredible performance. It was just disappointing because two people ruined it all for the rest of us.”
“Before it even got to the point in the video, Patti had politely asked them to lift their masks several times,” the source added. “They just kept shaking their heads at her. That’s when she hit a breaking point, taking the mic, stopping the panel, and demanding they follow the rules. These people were so rude.”
This is just more evidence that once again proves that Patti LuPone is not the one today, tomorrow, yesterday, last night, or ever. I’ll (pull down my mask real quick and) drink to that (before pulling my mask back up real quick)!
Pic: YouTube