Dlisted: The Podcast, Episode 94 – K-Y Jelly Not Needed
Allison and I devote the first part of this episode to Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s musical threat to K-Y Jelly known as WAP, and we get into the backlash from pearl-clutching conservatives and the backlash over Kylie Jenner being in the video. From there, we cover a handful of the sixteen thousand excerpts from Finding Freedom, that book about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s royal exit, including Harry’s heart swooning over the sound of Meghan going pee in the wild. We also talk about Smash Mouth vs. COVID-19.
Other shit we get into includes the Three Men and a Baby remake starring Zac Efron, the blasphemous Who’s The Boss? sequel, Shia LaBeouf possibly playing a gay mutant in the X-Men reboot, Stanley Kubrick’s WTF idea of casting Woody Allen in the Tom Cruise role in Eyes Wide Shut, and a Canadian microbrewery fucking up by unknowingly naming one of their beers the Māori word for pubic hair. So yeah, we’ve got WAP, pubic hair, and barf courtesy of Woody Allen in Eyes Wide Shut.
You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts (and if you can’t, let us know). If you’ve got a question or want us to cover something, e-mail us at: dtp@dlisted.com!
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Afternoon Crumbs
Because Hollywood is deeply stuck in nostalgia hell, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is getting a dramatic reboot based on a viral video by Morgan Cooper. So basically, they’re sucking most of the comedy, 90s glamour, and fun out of original and Riverdale-izing it. I’m all for it as long as Janet Hubert, The Original Aunt Viv, plays Aunt Viv in the dramatic reboot and breaks character at least once an episode to gather the cast around and go in on that career-destroyer Will Smith and that “media hoe” Alfonso Ribiero – Pajiba
And right now, the producers of Saturday Night Live are probably begging Maya Rudolph to come back to play Vice President candidate Kamala Harris, as Donald Trump works on his response statement, which will be, “Do you really want your VP to be a 5?! A 6 at most when I squint?!” – NBC News
The air quality in Britain must be bad right now from Prince Andrew repeatedly farting out clouds of stank jealousy while looking at King Juan Carlos luxuriating in exile in Abu Dhabi – Celebitchy
Kathy Griffin would like everyone to know that it wasn’t her firing shots at the White House – Towleroad
Lori Loughlin And Mossimo Giannulli “Downsized” To A $9.5 Million House
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli have purchased an absolute hovel in Hidden Hills, California. With the final countdown to their sentencing hearing heading into single digits (it’s currently scheduled for August 21st), it was probably a priority for them to find someplace to lay their heads when they inevitably end up getting sentenced to house arrest. Even if they do have to serve the time they agreed to in their plea deals (two months for Lori, five for Mo), they’re going to need a place to go since they sold their Bel-Air mansion for a fraction of their original asking price in July. Good thing they thought to check all the couch cushions before the movers came because they were able to scrounge up enough loose change to keep them from having to move into the in-law unit at Olivia Jade’s boyfriend’s house in Malibu. Yes, they walked into the bank with $9.5 million in unrolled nickels. Rich people really can get away with anything!
Princess Eugenie Was Really Mad That Her Wedding Was Upstaged By Meghan Markle’s Pregnancy
The world found out that Meghan Markle was pregnant with Prince Harry’s baby on October 15th, 2018, with an official royal announcement from Kensington Palace. Except that’s reportedly not the day everyone found out. There was a rumor going around at the time that three days before the official announcement, Meghan dropped her new baby news to everyone at Princess Eugenie’s wedding to that Brooksbank dude. Sources quickly quieted that rumor, saying that Meghan and Harry actually told the royal family that Meghan was pregnant several days before Eugenie’s wedding. But according to the ten-millionth published excerpt from Finding Freedom (a bunch of which I’ll get into after the cut), the first rumor was allegedly the accurate one.
Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For The “Saved By The Bell” Revival
NBC The Peacock has released another trailer for their upcoming Saved by the Bell reboot, which follows a new generation of teens at Bayside High. The first teaser dropped back in April and gave us a lot of Elizabeth Berkley and Mario Lopez as adults with teenaged kids. This trailer focuses more on the kids and fast Tracey Wigfield-style jokes. Tracey, the reboot’s creator/writer, worked on 30 Rock, The Mindy Project, and was the showrunner for the cancelled-too-soon Great News.
The trailer features zero signs of that Lil’ Blonde Bitch Zack Morris, who apparently went on to become the goddamn Governor of California (Arnie’s all, “What, like it’s hard?”). But don’t worry, IMDb says Mark-Paul Gosselaar appears in only three of the ten episodes. Phew! Continue reading
Singer Kane Brown Needed Help From The Police After Getting Lost On His Own Property
26-year-old Kane Brown is a successful singer who recently bought 30 acres of land in Tennessee. After deciding to explore his new land, Kane got all kinds of lost and he and his friends had to get bailed out by the police and were even shot at by mystery assailants! Well, at least he now knows to avoid the forest-people who live in the woods behind his property since they’ll shoot him on sight.