Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

September 25, 2020 / Posted by:

Channing Tatum brought his 40-year-old nipples and muscles out on Instagram. First of all, Channing needs to learn how to zoom into the hotness and clean that damn table because how are we supposed to focus on his Magic Mike 3-ready body with all that shit in the way? Second of all, if you always thought that Channing’s the kind of himbo who calls himself “daddy,” check out his caption, because daddy sure does – Instagram

The first big post-COVID-19 red carpet blue carpet happened in Monte Carlo, and if you didn’t know it was coronavirus times, you’d think they were all wearing masks because Johnny Depp was there – Lainey Gossip

And the title of this century’s greatest master of disguise goes to this pussy who masterfully disguised themselves as a Shiba Inu – OMG Blog

Speaking of master of disguises, Khloe Kartrashian, the fame whore of a million faces, has a new face. I mean, she is back with Tristan Thompson, so maybe thinks that if she transforms herself into a new woman each week his dick won’t go a’ wanderin’ again – Celebitchy

Dax Shepard admitted that he fell off the wagon after 16 years of sobriety – Just Jared

Not to be outdone by Channing Tatum, Sterling K. Brown also served up his hard cum gutters on social media – Pajiba

Let’s see: STFU and put on a mask while avoiding fried pubes, lawyer fees, and spending the day in a jail cell, OR get tasered and arrested for being a whiny, entitled twat? Decisions…. decisions… – Towleroad

Pic: Instagram

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Afternoon Crumbs

September 15, 2020 / Posted by:

Cardi B is officially freeing the WAP by filing for divorce from Offset and his certified WAP (wandering ass peen) after 3 years of marriage. I was about to brace myself for all of the Tales of the Cooch that Offset’s side tricks were about to tell about how much he’s been cheating on Cardi, but I think this split was caused by something bigger. Like Offset put a baby in a side piece, or worse, Cardi found a Nicki Minaj song on his phone – Just Jared

Stage 10 Dickmatizaion IS Katie Holmes cheesing on the inside while hanging out with her alleged cheating famewhore of a man – Lainey Gossip

The sexy Christmastime duo of Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn are back as Mr. and Mrs. Claus, except Goldie Hawn is giving me grown-up and glowed-up Cindy Lou Who instead of Mrs. Claus – Pajiba

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Afternoon Crumbs

September 14, 2020 / Posted by:

In case you missed the glorious meeting between two legends, Gladys Knight and Patti LaBelle, on Verzuz last night, here’s a rundown including Patti declaring that she’s still got a flip phone and loves it, Patti checking the crew about teleprompter woes, Patti giving us her signature shoe-kicking-off move, and a special gift in the form of hussy-destroyer Dionne Warwick turning that holy duo of YES into a holy trinity of YES. They all sang That’s What Friends Are For together and it was like three drunk aunties doing karaoke after brunch. Well, if your three drunk aunties can sing anything like THEE Gladys Knight, THEE Dionne Warwick, and THEE Patti LaBelle – Jezebel

Scroll down to get into a picture of Matthew McConaughey looking like he just told Woody Harrelson that they’re all out of the good shit – Lainey Gossip 

So, Nicole Poturalski’s husband doesn’t seem to really mind that she is, or at least was, bumping her married poon against Brad Pitt, because his restaurant is still carrying Chateau Miraval wine. Unless…. Nicole’s husband spiked that wine with laxatives so that everyone will get the shits when drinking it and will never ever touch it again! Revenge is a dish best served with diarrhea on it – Celebitchy

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Afternoon Crumbs

September 11, 2020 / Posted by:

Leighton Meester and Adam Brody welcomed another Gossip Girl/The OC hybrid baby. Adam dropped the news and said that their brand new bundle of baby is a boy. Leighton and Adam’s first kid is named Arlo Day. Since they’re obviously big fans of The Good Dinosaur, I’m guessing they named their second child Thunderclap Night. And Rachel Bilson must be so confused today while getting hit with congratulations from people who still don’t realize that she and Leighton Meester are two different people – Just Jared

The dark and edgy Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reboot got a two-season order from Peacock, which makes me ask the question, “Is the possible lure of seeing Hilary Banks as a kleptomaniac influencer enough for me to actually download Peacock?” – Celebitchy

Chloe x Halle paid tribute to George Floyd and Breonna Taylor while singing the National Anthem at a sports ball game yesterday – Lainey Gossip

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Afternoon Crumbs

September 4, 2020 / Posted by:

The Troop Beverly Hills sequel, which has been talked about for a cookie time minute, seems to be actually happening because Oran Zegman has been hired to direct. They’re calling this a “sequel” and not a “reboot” (which is Hollywood talk for “we’re going to butcher the every-loving last fuck out of it“), so here’s hoping that Hollywood does the right thing for once by bringing back Shelley Long. And if they pull some blasphemous shit like replace Shelley with Anna Faris (see: below), we’ll sue Hollywood for killing our childhoods for once and for all. And yes, we’ll show up to court late because we were busy describing fall fashions to the blind – Variety

Anna Faris has said goodbye to a giant check by leaving Mom right before the eighth season starts shooting and the reason she gave is that she wants to “pursue other opportunities.” Um, this is weird since I thought the whole point of the show was the relationship between a daughter (Anna) and a mom (Allison Janney), but I hope Anna’s new “opportunities” don’t include throat-chopping my childhood by ruining another 80s masterpiece – SOW

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Afternoon Crumbs

September 1, 2020 / Posted by:

Brad Pitt took his married model piece, Nicole Poturalski, to France to stay at his and Angelina Jolie’s wine vineyard Chateau Miraval, and she was apparently supposed to stay all weekend, but German tabloid Bild says that she left on Friday, just three days after arriving. So Brad either kicked her ass out after the world found out that she’s married since he has a reputation to uphold as a pure protector of the sanctity of marriage. Or St. Angie appeared in a cloud of black smoke and banished that trick from her property. Or Nicole busted out of there when Brad started talking about art again – Lainey Gossip 

So you’re telling me that dumbass Kylie Jenner left America and we didn’t immediately lock the door, turn off all the lights, and stay really quiet when she rang the bell to get back in? What a missed opportunity – Celebitchy

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