Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

July 19, 2019 / Posted by:

As Sam Smith’s ex had dinner with hot slab of Scottish beef Richard Madden, Sam showed that twink what he’s been missing by swirling out some awkward seduction moves in the video for his song How Do You Sleep? Well, I sleep by listening to that boring ass song, but I am all for the video and mainly because of the tip-moistening chorus of nipple-baring dancers who are wearing what Kylo Ren wears to the gay clubs – Towleroad

In that outfit, Diane Kruger is just waiting to come on get happy by getting cast in a Partridge Family remake – Lainey Gossip 

What I got from this is that my hooking spot under the bridge is about to get more crowded, because we’re all going to have to suck dick to pay for all these goddamn streaming services – Pajiba

Tupac LIVES in the body of an old white government official from Iowa – The Blemish

On today’s episode of Naomi Campbell Tries To Convince Us She’s A Regular OMG Blog

Halsey better be careful, because that dog is obviously thinking about attacking that wig after mistaking it for a skunk in peril – Popoholic

Margot Robbie has no idea what that Kylo Ren reference I made in the first link is about – Celebitchy

Kristen Stewart and Stella Maxwell are giving you the lesbian reboot of The Love BoatJust Jared

Pic: YouTube 


Afternoon Crumbs

July 12, 2019 / Posted by:

The women of West Bev got into some 90s Charlotte Russe drag for that 90210 reboot-thing, and honestly, when is the Pope going to make Brenda Walsh the saint of all saints for allowing those lessers to hold court with her at the Peach Pit? – SOW

It was nice of Brad Pitt to dress up for the Once Upon A Time In Hollywood photo call and show up looking like a middle-aged stoner who peaked in high school and only stops playing video games in his parent’s house to get Funyuns at the 7-Eleven – Lainey Gossip 

When I heard that PETA went after gay porn site for using an alligator in a shoot, I figured I’d see video of two dudes getting into some ass fucking fun while lying on top of a cockodile, but nope Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 5, 2019 / Posted by:

Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes were papped holding hands while going to his place one night, and they were at a Fourth of July party together. Oh, look at all us old, jaded, bitter whores staring at Camila and Shawn and wondering how long they worked with a choreographer and a body language coach to make their staged pap pics look as believable as possible (they should’ve rehearsed more, honestly). But watch, in 30 years, they’ll still be holding hands, because their love is real and everlasting, or because that Senorita song still hasn’t gone #1 and they’re on a never-ending mission to make that happen – Lainey Gossip 

And the Oscar for Best Sound Editing goes to…. – Pajiba

Kevin Spacey’s groping accuser has dropped his civil lawsuit, which either means there was a settlement or maybe the accuser really didn’t want to see Kevin’s creepy face more than he already has to (since there’s still the criminal case) – Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 3, 2019 / Posted by:

On the newest episode of the Dlisted podcast, Allison and I dreamcast the live-action The Little Mermaid, and I dreamcast either Chloe or Halle Bailey from Chloe x Halle. Disney announced that Halle Bailey will be Ariel. And as I try to dreamcast up some winning fucking lottery numbers, Halle Bailey should get herself some antibiotics and Febreze to spray at Lindsay Lohan who will try to jump her ass for taking that role. And everyone who read Halle Bailey’s wrong is brain burping up questions marks while imagining Halle Berry as The Little Mermaid  – Just Jared

These pictures from the set of Bill & Ted Face The Music made grey hairs sprout out of my eyebrows and not only because Bill & Ted look like dads now, but because I spotted the phone booth and said, “I know what that is!” – Lainey Gossip 

Gerard Butler would like you to know that he’s still the Celebrity King of Ho Shit – Pajiba

Not pictured: thrown soaked granny panties mid-air as they head toward the stage – SOW

Madison “Not A Wisconsin Brewery” Beer is serving late-80s Midwest lot lizard elegance by the gallons – Drunken Stepfather

It’s nice to see that Gal Gadot has gone green by recycling old curtains from a lounge circa 1973 – Popoholic

But does Naomi Campbell count eating the souls of the assistants and housekeepers who dare fuck with her?! – Celebitchy



Afternoon Crumbs

June 28, 2019 / Posted by:

Drag Race is heading to Canada, which means that the competing queens will be Brooke Lynn Hytes, Brooke Lynne Hytes, Brooke Lynn Hytes, Brooke Lynn Hytes, and Brooke Lynn Hytes. And since RuPaul has 4,569 jobs, she won’t be able to head up north to host and judge the Canadian Drag Race. There’s obviously only one superstar Canadian drag queen who should host, and I’m not talking about Celine Dion. I’m talking about the glamorous Canadian drag queen duck cousin of the glamorous drag queen duck of Central Park. “It’s time to bill-sync for your life! Good luck and don’t quack it up!”  – Lainey Gossip 

Oh, 100% vagina lover Aaron Schock just forgot what country he was in, and was checking that Mexican go-go boy’s chonies for papers, please – Towleroad

35-year-old Katharine McPhee has become 69-year-old David Foster’s fifth wife. And just like that, every cherub has retired, because the definition of “true everlasting love” has peaked and it can’t get more real than this – Just Jared

I’m pretty sure Kate McKinnon has already won an Emmy for her Marianne Williamson impersonation – Pajiba

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Afternoon Crumbs

June 14, 2019 / Posted by:

The Sun did a story on Prince William’s rumored one-time side piece Rose Hanbury and her husband getting iced out of Willy’s and Duchess Kate’s inner circle. And thanks to The Sun originally saying that Rose “entertained” Prince William one night while Kate was away, I have the sad image of Rose busting out the most bland and tragic “Let Me Entertain You” from Gypsy ever. Gypsy Rose Lee didn’t deserve that – Lainey Gossip

Jim Edmonds, husband of former Real Housewife of Orange County Meghan King Edmonds, got caught sending dick pics and a fap video to a baseball groupie ho, and Meghan responded by threatening to take the woman down with help from the FBI. That baseball groupie ho better watch it, because Meghan has shown us that she’s as good at taking tricks down (see: her exposing Vicki Gunvalson’s fake cancer boyfriend) as her husband is at showing he doesn’t really want to be married to her – All About The Tea

Thanks to Taylor Swift shouting out GLAAD in her new song, GLAAD has seen an uptick in donations. Meanwhile, one confused Swiftie was probably at Target buying loads upon loads of GLAD products thinking that’s what their queen was talking about – Towleroad

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