Uma Thurman’s Ex-Boyfriend Accused Her Of Mixing Alcohol And Pills In Court

“Agonizing custody battles” has become an unfortunate trend with our celebrity friends lately. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have reportedly been scrapping over their hundreds of children (how do they even keep track of them, there’s so many). Yesterday, we watched a dismal video of law enforcement at Paula Patton’s house on behalf of Robin Thicke (he was trying to leave with their son, but no dice). Today’s the day we learn that Uma Thurman and her ex-boyfriend, French financier Arpad (Arki) Busson, have been yanking on either arm of their 4-year-old daughter Luna like she is a child-sized wishbone.

Arki publicly accused Uma of mixing booze and pills to battle mental illness during their custody trial on Friday. One, how Valley of the Dolls. Two, who doesn’t?

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Uma Thurman Is Not Happy About Lapo Elkann Kissing Her

The Daily Mail and a bunch of other sites posted a picture this morning of Fiat heir Lapo Elkann looking like he tried to suck Uma Thurman’s face off with his suction cup mouth at last night’s amfAR gala in Cannes. It looked like he was a Garfield suction cup decoration and her face was the car window. Uma served as host during the event’s auction and after Lapo won an item for $196,000, he celebrated by kissing her. After the picture made the rounds, Uma’s rep Leslie Sloane issued a statement saying that he never asked for permission and the uninvited kiss left her feeling violated and creeped out. Leslie is also trying to get a hold of video of the kiss that the amfAR people have. This is the statement that Leslie gave to People:

“It is opportunism at its worst. She wasn’t complicit in it. Somewhere in his head he must have thought it an appropriate way of behaving. It clearly wasn’t. It looks like she was happy to have it happen, but it was not consensual. She is very unhappy that this happened to her and feels violated.”

If you’ve been reading Dlisted for a while, then you’re probably crazy and please let your doctors at the mental hospital know that I am grateful they haven’t blocked the site from computers yet. But really, if you’ve been reading this site for a while, you probably know that I’ve drooled out gross words of praise about this greasy Italian coke booger before. May is the month I find out some gross shit about my favorite Panty Creamers. I found out that Adrien Brody is a CAP (Cosby/Allen/Polanski) apologist and today I find out that Lapo Elkann is creeping out women by putting his mouth on theirs without getting an RSVP first. What’s next? Prince Hot Ginge is going to tell reporters that the Holocaust and Nazis didn’t exist? Well, we know he’ll never say that.

Pic: Getty, Wenn.com

Here’s Katy Perry Giving You Some Silk Flower Arrangement Realness At The AmfAR Gala

Last night, amfAR’s annual Cinema Against AIDS Gala happened in Cannes, and Katy Perry showed up looking like the mother of the bride if the bride was the red dress cha cha dancing emoji. I’m sure Katy’s dress is very ~expensive~ and is handcrafted from only the finest of materials, but for some reason it’s setting off my Michaels craft store radar. “‘For some reason” – listen to me, acting like it has nothing to do with the $80 worth of silk peony petals attached to her body.

I used to be obsessed with fake flowers. Maybe it was because I watched so much Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous while my 6-year-old brain was still developing. Although I have no idea what episode triggered by silk flower obsession. My obsession with wigs, however – that definitely happened during the Raquel Welch episode. Regardless of when it happened, I used to collect fake flowers and I thought they were so glamorous and high class. Placing a single plastic-stemmed rose on my book shelf truly added an instant touch of elegance to my collection of Baby-Sitters Club books. So as much as I want to laugh at Katy’s dress and make a joke about how it looks like something that was stolen out of a repurposed Snapple bottle vase in the bathroom of a budget banquet hall, I just can’t. My love of fake flowers won’t let me.

Here’s more of Katy Perry, and everyone else who was at the amfAR Gala. Thanks to Uma Thurman, we now know what it would look like if Day-To-Night Barbie quit her job to focus solely on the Night part.

Pics: Wenn.com

Leave It To Charli XCX To Give You Ten Tons Of Drunk 90s Bride At The amfAR Gala

Charli XCX, who you may remember as the Tai to Iggy Azalea’s Cher, has been slowly inching her way into the Red Carpet Fuckery Hall of Fame for a while now. She’s slithered onto the red carpet looking like sloppy n’ slutty Morticia Addams. She showed up to last year’s Grammys looking like a rode-hard put-away-wrecked Super Star Ken doll.

And last night she proved she still really really wants a permanent spot in the Most Committed wing by sashaying onto the red carpet of the amfAR New York Gala looking like a picture of your messiest cousin from her first wedding in 1992 right before she threw a glass of wine in the groom’s face during a slow-dance to “Secret Lovers.”

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Uma Thurman’s Makeup Artiste Explains Her New Look

A thousand blog posts were born yesterday after Uma Thurman showed up to the NYC premiere of NBC’s The Slap looking less Uma-ey than usual. (Side note: I am really disappointed that The Slap isn’t an ultra riveting mini-series about the events before and after Zsa Zsa Gabor slapped that cop in 1989.)

Some guessed that Uma pulled a Renee Zellweger and Rupert Everett by getting a Witness Protection Program face with the help of plastic surgeons. But Uma’s makeup artist Troy Surratt tells People that Uma’s transformation is all thanks to the power of SANS MASCARA. Troy kept her eyes mostly naked, smeared some foundation on her mug, feathered up her eyebrow situation, painted her lips and sprayed her down with some dewy mist stuff. VOILA! Instant Paris Face!

“Frankly, I’m quite surprised by the conversation. By now I would have thought that we were all open to and knowledgeable of the role that makeup plays in the world of fashion and particularly celebrity, as a medium for creative self expression. I think that women should feel open and free to experiment with different beauty looks — it’s only makeup, at the end of the day it all washes off.”

Surratt calls the look he created on Uma, “effortless Parisienne chic,” focusing on her lips and complexion. (Note: No mascara was used at all!)

“I wanted to give Uma a statement lip balanced by a more feathered brow,” he shares. “Uma and I discussed creating a look that was more editorial with soft natural lashes. As a makeup artist I’ve grown a bit tired of all of the lash-y looks and fake eyelashes that we’ve been seeing on the red carpet for some time now.”

So there you go. When you get up in the morning all you have to do is slick your hair back with some Crisco, put on some red lipstick, take a light brown Sharpie to your brows and spray your face with some dewy mist stuff (tap water will do). When you walk out of the door, it’ll be like the opening number in Beauty and the Beast. Everybody will sing “bonjour!” to you because they’ll think you’re French. “Effortless Parisienne chic” is the new Montenegro style!

Uma Thurman Looks Different

At the NYC premiere of NBC’s The Slap last night, photographers were overhead saying, “Okay, stop playing, who sent this Sphynx cat in Uma Thurman’s place,” when Uma Thurman showed up not looking like Uma Thurman.

UsWeekly, E! and The Daily Mail all looked at these pictures of Uma and threw the same, “hmmmm…your face doesn’t ring a bell,” look that North West throws at Kim Kartrashian when she’s collected from the nanny for a photo-op. Some think that Uma got the Renee Zellweger Special and Botoxed and pulled her face into a new one. I don’t know. Here’s a picture from another event on January 28th:

It might just be a case of Uma SANS eyeliner and mascars. Maybe the new equation is: Uma Thurman – mascara – eyeliner + red lipstick + slicked back hair + drawn in brows = the spawn of Anjelica Huston and Tilda Swinton. I haven’t seen the reviews for The Slap, so I don’t know if they’re bad, but maybe she’s embarrassed by it and didn’t want to show her face at the premiere, so she showed a new one instead.

Pics: Wenn.com, Getty