Late last year, news about yet another Beverly Hills, 90210 reboot/revival/whatever was burped up when Jennie Garth, Tori Spelling, Ian Ziering, Jason Priestley, and Brian Austin Green were papped getting coffee in between laughably pitching to networks. I say “laughably,” because I can only imagine how raw the vocal cords of network executives got as they laughed uncontrollably while Jennie and company seriously pitched a 90210 reboot without The Forever Queen of 90210 that is Brenda Walsh. 90210 without Brenda Walsh is like broccoli without mayonnaise. It’s boring, bland, and nobody wants it. And like broccoli with mayonnaise, if you don’t like Brenda Walsh, you obviously have no taste and don’t know what you’re talking about!
But I guess FOX needed a tax write-off, because they bought the 90210 reboot that will be 100% Brenda-less.
Deadline is reporting that it’s once again time to feed a fed horse because there is yet another revival of a once-popular show coming back to television. But this is sort of a Groundhog Day of reboots because you’ve seen this rebooted once before.
The TV network reboot of Brangelina’s shit show of a custody fight was brought to us by Vanessa Marcil (of General Hospital and Beverly Hills, 90210) a couple of days ago when she publicly dragged Brian Austin Green, the father of her 16-year-old son Kassius, for putting her through custody battle hell and for not spending any time with their son in 5 years. Vanessa painted BAG and his wife Megan Fox as diabolical demons who spent 8+ years trying to get full custody of Kassius (with Vanessa paying child support). When their plan failed for good 5 years ago, BAG cut off Kassius and they’ve only seen each other in passing. That’s what Vanessa claimed. Some of us played Oprah’s SoWhatIsTheTruth.GIF in our brains over Vanessa’s claims, because BAG and Kassius were photographed together in Mexico last year, and BAG has posted about Kassius on his Instagram. But Vanessa is now here to tell us that yes, BAG and Kassius were in Mexico at the same time, but it was some sponsored shit, and yes, BAG has been to a school play, but other than that, his relationship with his son is as dead as the feeling in Megan Fox’s current face.
For those of you who don’t have your Bachelor’s in Beverly Hills, 90210, let me translate that title into words you’ll understand: Vanessa Marcil Claims That Brian Austin Green Is A Bad Dad.
Vanessa Marcel (that’s Brenda Barrett to those of you who watched General Hospital and Gina to those of you who watched Beverly Hills, 90210) and Brian Austin Green (David Silver from 90210) dated and made a son, named Kassius Lijah, together in 2002. Two years later, BAG took his Pringles can dick over to Megan Fox, and the two have three sons together: 6-year-old Noah Shannon, 4-year-old Bodhi Ransom, and 2-year-old Journey River. I guess that throughout the years, Vanessa, BAG, and Megan have been involved in a flaming shit pile of a custody fight that would make Brangelina proud. Vanessa decided to air the details of all of that recently, claiming that for years, BAG and Megan were trying to get full custody of Kassius who is 16 now. When they failed at doing that, they completely cut Kassius out of their lives 5 years ago, and he hasn’t spent any real time with his dad and has never met Journey River. But wait, there’s pictures from last year of BAG and Kassius at resort in Mexico together. So what is the truth, Gina Kincaid (or again, Brenda Barrett if you’re a GHer)!
Brian Austin Green has two reasons to celebrate today. Dude is a father for the fourth time, and Megan Fox’s womb is free for him to wet hump another ATM baby into during make-up sex after she threatens him with divorce again. David Silver has truly come along way.
Megan and BAG were planning to get a divorce last year, but they never stopped living together and eventually made another baby. The divorce is now off. E! News says that Megan birthed out their third baby last Thursday. Megan had another boy, and she and BAG did not disappoint when it came to naming him.
“Oh fuck my nerves with a butter knife dipped in acid, she’s about to have another thought…” – that dude on the right
Anyone who has been lucky enough to use their brain to ingest at least one Megan Fox interview knows that she is a never-ending fountain of wisdom, and melted plastic, but mostly wisdom. And on Jimmy Kimmel Live! (via E!) last night, Megan said that the unborn baby growing in her body has definitely inherited her super genius gene, because it has told her that it’s either going to be a Nazi rocket maker or an electric car mogul. Megan’s third baby also told her to move houses. Somewhere, scientists studying the long-term effects of Botox use have added, “hearing fetus voices,” to the list of shit to look into.