The entire cast of who will shimmy for attention and a check on the new season of Dancing with the Stars was announced this morning. We already heard that YouTuber JoJo Siwa joined the cast and will be part of the U.S. version’s first same-sex pair. Olympic gold medal-winning gymnast Sunisa “Suni” Lee was also named as a contestant, as well as world-renowned collegiate rower Olivia Jade. And today, we learned that also part of the cast is Sporty Spice herself, Melanie Chisholm, from the Spice Girls. Pack it up losers! It’s time to spice up your goddamn lives!
I’m not saying I made this happen by predictively mentioning Spice World 2 a few days ago, but I’m also not saying that I’m not a powerful psychic who can control reality. The Sun says that the iconic film Spice World, which came out in 1997 and starred the Spice Girls, may finally be getting a sequel for its 25th anniversary. Spice World 2: Spice Galaxy. Spice World 2: More Seasoning. Spicier World. The options are endless!
Seen above looking more natural and charismatic than usual, the Spice Girls are reportedly putting together a big tour to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the release of their first single “Wannabe.” Yes, it’s been 20 years since “Wannabe” came out. Yeah, so when you get your nursing home van service to swing by and pick me up for the show, make sure they leave enough room for my walker. Because I’m going to need something sturdy to hang onto when I shake my replaced hip and drop it as low as my knees can take me when the Spice Girls perform “Holler.” Life Alert better double their staff, because we’re all going to be hitting that button when we’ve twerked and can’t get up at the Spice Girls show.
Because some of them have bills to pay, the Spice Girls are reportedly in talks to do another reunion tour next year. Posh Beckham has apparently dropped a dry queef on an offer to join the other Spice Girls on tour, because she is the Olsen twins of the group and is way too busy running her fashion empire to lip-synch and point for a quick check.
The Sun (via The Guardian) was the first to report that the Spice Girls are going to get together again to celebrate the 20th anniversary of “Wannabe” next year. They plan to travel the world and Posh may join them on a few dates. Baby Spice did an interview this morning on the Heart London radio show and she only said that nothing’s happening right now, but if anything solid comes together, she’ll let everyone know. But after that interview, Baby Spice stuck the tip into the b-holes of Spice Girls fans by re-tweeting a tweet from a Sun columnist who claims that an “official announcement” is coming later this year. Baby also had this moment with Sporty Spice:
Do I need to put my pigtails in?!?!? https://t.co/TfWZQL9ux2
— Emma Bunton (@EmmaBunton) August 7, 2015
I didn’t get to see the Spice Girls’ last reunion tour in 2008, because by the time I got around to looking for tickets, the only seats available were in the damn clouds and I didn’t want to spend my night guzzling down overpriced beer while looking at the screen and dodging planes flying by. I did that shit for free when the show ended up on YouTube later. But as for this tour, I don’t know. What are the Spice Girls without Posh standing there doing absolutely nothing while the rest of them jump around and shit? If they reunite and do go on tour, they should say that Posh is joining them. They should tie a little Gucci dress around a mic stand, throw a brown wig on top and call it Posh. Nobody would ever know the difference and their show would probably be the most riveting concert experience of my life!
And here’s Posh at LAX the other day wearing I don’t even know.