Category: Prince Hot Ginge
From The Department Of Read The Damn Room: Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle Have Broken Up With Four British Tabloids In A Letter
Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle have made it Windex fresh clear that they would rather play Fortnite with Prince William and Duchess Kate on a commercial flight than deal with the British tabloids. They’ve thrown lawsuits at the British tabloids. They’ve shit on the British tabloids in written statements and on TV. Not only have those in the back heard how much PHG and Meghan hate the British tabloids, those in the next building (hell, in the next zip code) have heard it. But they have let us know again in a break-up letter to four British tabloids, telling those lie-telling bitches to lose their number because they are done communicating with them FOREVER. PHG and Meghan’s latest slap down on the British tabloids is happening because of a new filing in her case against one of the tabloids. But still, everyone has taken a break from dealing with a full-on pandemic to shed another tear over PHG and Meghan’s famous people media woes.
Princess Anne Wishes That Younger Royals Would Go Back To Basics
“Well, she’s obviously talking about us since William and Kate never left BASIC,” said a catty Prince Hot Ginge before throwing his copy of Vanity Fair onto a lounger and snapping at his Los Angeles pool boy to slather more SPF Infinity & Beyond onto his freckled bottom crumpets. Listen, during these times, just let me have my PHG/pool boy fantasy.
Vanity Fair’s May cover story is devoted entirely to THE QUEEN’s only daughter Princess Anne, and even though there’s a lot of messiness going on in the royal family right now (PHG and Meghan Markle leaving, Prince Andrew being a part-time resident of Pedophile Island, etc…), Princess Anne didn’t get into anything like that and her profile doesn’t really deliver anything new. But she did throw a look of disagreement at the young tricks of the royal family for trying to be *~diFferEnt~* instead of just shutting up and cutting that damn ribbon at a hospital wing opening.
Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Named Their New Non-Profit “Archewell” After Their Son
Now that their Sussex Royal brand is kaput, newly christened commoners Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are doing a rebrand, which is the celebrity version of cutting your own bangs after a breakup. Yesterday the non-royals told The Telegraph that they’re launching a non-profit organization called “Archewell”.
The couple weren’t planning on announcing Archewell (does anyone else just think of Snackwell’s?) just yet, but The Telegraph tracked down their trademark applications (for shit like clothing and audiobooks), and they were forced to make a statement. Harry and Megan explained they want to use the organization to “do something of meaning, to do something that matters”. “Pffft”, replied the Queen. They also say the name was inspired by their son, Master Archie.
Prince Charles Has Reportedly Opened His Wallet To Help Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle With Their Security Costs
Today is April Fools’ Day, which means it’s the day that Prince Hot Ginge and a pantyhose-covered Duchess Meghan skipped into THE QUEEN’S throne room and declared, “April Fools’, bitch!”, before clocking back into their job as senior royals since it was all just an extra long joke. And then THE QUEEN woke up and realized that PHG and Meghan leaving wasn’t a nightmare and her biggest crowd-getters are really gone. And then she slapped Prince Philip with her pocketbook for poking at her with his rusty crotch scepter. Yes, THE QUEEN sleeps with her pocketbook.
But seriously, today is PHG and Meghan’s Independence From The Royals Day, and they’re celebrating while self-isolating in a Los Angeles compound, as security watches for a crazed skinny fat blogger trying to get onto the property by wearing a shrub disguise (I’ll show them because I’ll sneak in by hiding in a Lululemon box since you know Meghan gets that shit delivered every other day). And that security isn’t being provided by the U.S. government. Their security is privately funded and that reportedly includes money from Prince Daddy Charles.
Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle Let Donald Trump Know That They’re Paying For Their Own Security, And They Also Said Goodbye To Their Sussex Royal Instagram Page
During this time of corona, Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle decided to scoop up 10-month-old Master Archie, get on a plane, and flee Canada for a compound in Los Angeles. They probably made that decision after finding out the devastating news that their rental home on Vancouver Island was way out of the delivery area of Craig’s (THE HORROR!). Before they left Canada, the country let us all know that the armed moose who were assigned to protect PHG and Meghan would no longer be available after March 31 and those two would have to get their own security. And now that they’re out of Canada and living in California, Jabba the Trump tweeted that the U.S. will not open its purse to pay for their security. To which PHG and Meghan responded by basically saying, “Bitch, we weren’t even going to ask!”
Prince Charles Got Coronavirus
“You bloody motherfuckers, this is not the crown I wanted,” screamed Prince Charles to the sky.
Clarence House announced that the 71-year-old professional handshaker caught the current worst downside of the job: coronavirus. But they say he’s only got minor symptoms and is doing okay overall. 72-year-old Duchess Camilla tested negative, and they’re isolating from each other, so their usual game of Hide The Kotex is on hold for now.