Category: Kanye 2024
Kim Kardashian Makes It Clear She’s Not Interested In Getting Back Together With Kanye West
Kim Kardashian is ready to move the fuck on from her marriage to Kanye West. The struggling soon-to-be “legally single” mother of 4 didn’t bust her ass studying for “10 hour days, daily 4 hour zooms, [and] in-person practice tests week after week” just to go back to being a housewife. No, ma’am. Despite his embarrassing attempts to woo her back (or because of them, you’d have to ask Kris Jenner), Kim has told the judge in her divorce case that “irreconcilable differences” between her and Kanye have caused their marriage to “irretrievably break down.” So Kim is asking for a bifurcated divorce like the one that was granted to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Kim’s had it! Kim’s practically a lawyer now, Kanye can do his own dishes and laundry from now on. And as such, she can finally afford to have someone come in to help out. And by “help” I mean explain to her what “dishes” and “laundry” are so she can in turn explain them to Kanye. All this time they’ve both just been shedding their gimp suits as they walk through the door and they magically disappear!
Kanye West Is Getting Slapped With A $1M Suit He Didn’t Design
A lawsuit, that is. If it were something out of the Yeezy collection, it would probably unravel before its first wash, and not even the glamorous, dead-mole color palette could save it from certain self-annihilation.
Kanye West Concedes The 2020 Presidential Election
Kanye West’s historic bid for the White House is over. Despite a respectable showing, earning as much as .4% of the vote in some states, it seems America isn’t ready for its first Uber Clown President. Though we’ve had many conventional clowns in the Oval Office before, Kanye would have been our country’s first natural-born clown president who went on to also train as, and dress as, a conventional clown. The Birthday Party Clown community is reportedly devastated by this loss. However, Kanye seems to have taken it in stride as he sets his sights on 2024.
Kanye West Was Too Busy Running For President To Attend Kim Kardashian’s Private Island 40th Birthday Celebrations
Feeling despondent, angry, or depressed in the face of #thesetryingtimes? Well don’t worry, future first lady hopeful Kim Kardashian West understands. She’s just as in touch with the plight of the average American as her husband, presidential candidate Kanye West. Kim recently celebrated her 40th birthday, but since things are tough all over, she kept it simple with a low-key affair which involved flying her “closest inner circle” (which apparently does not include her husband) to a private island where they “danced, rode bikes, swam near whales, kayaked, watched a movie on the beach and so much more.” And lest you forget that Kim is a woman of the people, nay THE woman of the people (if Kanye gets his wish), Kim made sure to remind her fans that she is aware that “for most people, this is something that is so far out of reach right now.” So maybe try not to be so poor and gross anymore, OK? It’s kind of bumming everyone out.
Kanye West’s Vision Of The Future Is Both Hilarious And Horrifying
I don’t know if he’s just dehydrated or what, but Kanye West’s already tenuous grip on reality seems to be slipping. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Kanye’s ready to legally change his name to Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West and says he’s definitely “walking” for president in 2024. Oh, and black people need to stop voting Democrat if they want to get good jobs in his shoe factory (the real positions of power at Yeezy are apparently reserved for Steve Jobs types). I have never seen anyone more in need of a nap. Shit, I need a nap just reading about it.