Queen Mummy Is Reportedly Going To Pay For Prince Andrew’s Legal Defense Against Sex Abuse Allegations
The word DUH just looked at that headline and said, “Oh, look that headline redefined me.”
Because in a piece of news that is about as surprising as you telling me that you get a stage 10 case of the heaves whenever your eyes land on the name Prince Andrew, The Telegraph reports that THE QUEEN is reaching into her pocketbook to pull out a few coins to pay the lawyers defending her poor widdle winnocent favorite son. Yes, go ahead and add The Pedo Defense Fund to the list of charitable organizations that THE QUEEN donates to, allegedly.
A couple of months ago, Virginia Giuffre slapped Prince Andrew with a lawsuit in New York for allegedly sexually abusing her repeatedly when she was underage at properties owned by Andrew’s good friend Jeffrey Epstein and Epstein’s right-hand ghoul Ghislaine Maxwell. Of course, Andrew has been trying to squirm his way out of the lawsuit by avoiding being served with it (he was reportedly finally served). His lawyers have also been trying to get access to the details of a 2009 settlement between Virginia Giuffre and Jeffrey Epstein after she sued him and Ghislaine for trafficking her as a minor. The details of that settlement were never released, but Andrew’s lawyers believe that Virginia signed something, promising not to legally go after Epstein’s “associates.” Andrew’s lawyers reportedly think that could be a way to get Virginia’s lawsuit against him dismissed. A judge has slapped down Andrew’s lawyer’s request for access to the settlement agreement. So the lawsuit lives on and Andrew has until October 29 to respond.
Andrew has denied all of Virginia’s claims and has even said that he’s never met her (even though there’s photographic proof, which he says was Photoshopped). Andrew’s going to need a big army of serious lawyers who won’t break out into a cackle while trying to push his Can’t Sweat defense over Virginia’s claims that he left his sweat all over her during one of the nights he sexually abused her. The Telegraph says he’s beefed up his American legal team by hiring Melissa Lerner who will work with lead counsel Andrew Brettler. Both are from the high-powered law firm Lavely Singer, which is known as a legal Captain Save-A-Ho to celebrities who have found themselves in a legal shit puddle. Those fancy lawyers also come with fancy price tags and Andrew Brettler alone reportedly charges $2,000 an hour.
Since Prince Andrew is the Rob Kardashian of the royal family (no offense to Rob Kardashian) because he has no source of income, The Telegraph says that his mummy THE QUEEN will once again bail him out by covering his lawyer bills and possible settlement or damages payout. Virginia is suing for an undisclosed amount in damages.
Her Majesty, 95, agreed to pay for her son’s defence at the beginning of last year, shortly after his disastrous Newsnight interview, in which he failed to show any empathy for Jeffrey Epstein’s victims or regret over their friendship.
The funds will be sourced from her annual income from her private Duchy of Lancaster estate, which recently increased by £1.5 million to more than £23 million.
Royal courtiers accept that the overall legal bill will run into millions, with the civil case likely to drag on for months or even years. The prospect of a potential settlement, or damages payout, could cost many millions more on top.
Andrew also recently sold his and Fergie’s $24 million Swiss chalet to pay off a lawsuit related to the chalet. That was the only property Andrew owned. I mean, he doesn’t even have a house he can put on Airbnb to make a little money. Although, he’d probably leave a note that says “underage girls traveling without their parents get a 100% off discount” and that’d put off a lot of prospective renters.
One person who is probably happy that this particular story is being reported on is Nicki Minaj. Because she’s probably been bombarded with DMs from predators looking for her to help them out since she is a noted sex offender defender. So Nick has probably taken off her Queen of Predator Defenders crown and temporarily put it on THE QUEEN’s head and is letting THE QUEEN deal with all those DMs. Nicki needs a break.