Category: Jason Derulo
The 2020 Razzie Nominations Are Out––And “Cats” Was Not Snubbed
The nominations for the 2020 Golden Raspberry Awards have been announced, meaning that this year’s batch of unwatchable films and performances have been scooped and sifted from the litterbox and thrust back into the spotlight for one final evening before hopefully being flushed away forever.
To literally no one’s surprise, Cats led the nominations list, tying Rambo: Last Blood and A Madea Family Funeral, with eight disgraceful nods––guess those improved visual effects failed to disguise the fact that at the end of the day people were actually expected to pay money and enjoy watching a movie featuring an anaconda-less Jason Derulo, Taylor Swift (who didn’t even wear ONE beautiful gown) and a totally normal James Corden, in terrifying––and terrifyingly shitty––cat costumes.
“Cats” Becomes Must-See Movie As Critics Shred It
We all knew that Cats was going to be a flaming piece of glitter and kitty-litter covered shit from the moment that first trailer appeared. And according to critics, it is! It currently has 18% on Rotten Tomatoes, which means that’s your cue to prepare to drop an edible into your mouth to experience Cats at 100%. Congratulations to the concession stands at every movie theater, because they’re going to break records from the crowds (aka like two people at each theater) who will buy up every snack available while completely stoned. Even though there’s zero Jason Derulo dick print in Cats, the critics are really laying into it.
Jason Derulo Was Surprised To See That His “Cats” Character Didn’t Have A Penis
I didn’t think it was possible for anybody to be more obsessed with the feline genitalia of the Cats movie than I am, but Jason Derulo has just proved me wrong. We already knew that Jason is a huge fan of his own dick in its human form when he thirstily drew attention to it on Instagram. He was wet, it was fluffed, he called it his anaconda, and it was all very unnecessary. But then Instagram removed it for violating their terms of service, prompting Jason to loudly complain stating “I can’t help my size.” Apparently, that statement goes double for Jason’s appearance in Cats. According to Digital Spy, Jason was shocked to learn that his dick had been digitally removed from the finished product. I wonder what the fuck kind of movie he thought he had signed up for.
Taylor Swift’s Original Song For “Cats” Didn’t Make The Oscar Shortlist
Last week, Taylor Swift was nominated for her third Golden Globe award for Best Original Song, for the original song she wrote for the movie version of Cats. The song is called “Beautiful Ghosts,” which is appropriate, considering her chance receiving a Best Original Song Oscar nomination is dead.
Jason Derulo Complained After Instagram Removed His Bulge Post
Cats is just around the corner which is the only reason we’re sitting here today discussing Jason Derulo’s recently flaunted dick. Yes, we would all rather be talking about Idris Elba’s dick, but he didn’t recently flaunt it on Instagram. And so we must make do with the dick we were presented. As they say, a dick in the hand is worth two in the bush. Wait, that can’t be right!
A couple of weeks ago, Jason laid an Instagram thirst trap by posting a picture of himself in wet underwear, bragging about the “anaconda” plastered against his thigh. Apparently, Instagram deemed this cat’s dick THFH (too hot for humans), and removed the photo, claiming it violated their community guidelines. Well, Jason isn’t taking that shit curled up in a ball in front of a crackling fireplace! He’s taking this slight all the way to the Instagram #SupremeCourt!
Open Post: Hosted By Jason Derulo Thirst Trapping The Hell Out Of Instagram
Jason Derulo, who is starring in Satan’s latest piece of propaganda (the movie Cats), posted a picture to Instagram which really is only done for one reason: thirst-trapping. Jason Derulo probably saw that The Hammaconda made an appearance in the wild, and decided to bring out the Deruloconda.