Universal Is Sending A New Version Of “Cats” To Movie Theaters With “Improved Visual Effects”

December 22, 2019 / Posted by:

For those of you who find the holiday season to be a stressful, depressing and loneliness-triggering reminder that the world sucks dirty dicks, your mood might have been lightened this week by watching the nation’s film critics compete to see which one could express how bad horror-musical Cats is in the most creative terms. Universal Studios’ defense of their terrible movie? The film, which is being lambasted by for its inept editing, poor CGI, and bizarrely horny cats, isn’t done yet! Yeah, but you already released it, Universal! You can’t takesies back now! This shit’s already been brought out of the oven, cooled and served!

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Universal is alerting theater owners that Cats is being updated with “improved visual effects.” If that means they took away feline Rebel Wilson’s character’s off-putting humanoid boobs, here’s a thank-you basket of muffins from all of humanity.

On Friday — the movie’s opening day — Universal notified thousands of theaters they will be receiving an updated version of Tom Hooper’s troubled film with “some improved visual effects,” according to a copy of the memo obtained by The Hollywood Reporter.

Universal probably realized that cats with married human hands is a WHOLE other weird nightmare of a movie, so they should probably fix that mess:

Theater owners will be able to download the new version of the film from a server today. Theaters that don’t have that access will receive a drive with the file by Tuesday.

This move is fairly unprecedented in the motion picture biz.

The move is unheard of for a finished title already in release, according to cinema operators and Hollywood studio executives. Insiders say it is being done at Hooper’s request.

That poor guy. Blame is being laid squarely on his doorstep, despite his protests that Cats, which was the biggest litter-covered turd at the box office. It opened to only $6.5 million at the domestic box office this weekend. It’s at fourth place below Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker ($175.5 million), Jumanji: The Next Level ($26.1 million), and Frozen II ($12.3 million). It also received a C+ CinemaScore from movie-goers, was barely finished before it was rushed into theaters for Christmastime by the studio.

Tom Hooper reportedly wanted to make more tweaks to the special effects. Understandable, because we’re all still wondering why Jennifer Hudson’s character’s facial features are slowly sliding off her cat skull while she’s belting out “Memories.”

Pic: Universal

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