If you’ve ever watched Downton Abbey‘s cockney cousin Bridgerton then you’re well aware of Regé-Jean Page and his smoldering “I’m ’bout to tear that ass up” face. To say he’s attractive would be like saying Niagara Falls is a water hose because he is absolutely beautiful. Now, British plastic surgeon Dr. Julian De Silva has taken on the task of using ancient Hot Or Not techniques to test who is the most handsome man on the planet. And his diligent research has discovered when it comes to the man who has the most beautiful face, Regé has secured the top spot.
Alexander Skarsgård recently sat down with The Sunday Times to promote his new Viking movie, The Northman. Unfortunately, the 45-year-old Swede slipped up and committed a classic Hollywood interview sin; he told the Times that he wasn’t taken seriously early on in his career cuz he was too good-looking. How devastating. Maybe Alexander, Charlize Theron, Jessica Biel, and Rob Lowe should start some sort of support group for the pretty-persecuted?
Stanley Tucci began his career as an actor and model, but in recent years, he’s made a successful transition to being a Hot Older Man. Like Christopher Meloni before him, Stanley Tucci has a loyal fan base of men and women who would gladly volunteer to be drenched in cocktail juice from The Tooch, if for some reason he suddenly found himself single and no longer married to Emily Blunt’s sister Felicity Blunt. But here’s the thing – Stanley Tucci has no idea why people find him hot.
Jason Derulo, who is starring in Satan’s latest piece of propaganda (the movie Cats), posted a picture to Instagram which really is only done for one reason: thirst-trapping. Jason Derulo probably saw that The Hammaconda made an appearance in the wild, and decided to bring out the Deruloconda.
BuzzFeed has let out a cry for help and exploited it in a way that only Dr. Phil can exploit cries for help. It turns out there are ALLEGEDLY (there’s a chance Dr. Phil wrote these tweets himself) people in the world who not only want to bone Dr. Phil and sit on his face, but are willing to take that shit public and tweet about it.
In a segment that should never exist called Dr. Phil Reads Thirst Tweets, Dr. Phil reads tweets about how people actually want to do him and it goes as well as Dr. Phil talking to the Cash Me Ousside girl: confusing, wrong, and sad yet entertaining in a horrifying way.
Whenever I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror after a Taco Bell bender looking like Shrek’s long-lost twin sister, I usually tackle it head-on by saying “fuck it” and eat more garbage. Embrace that swamp ogre life, you know? Luckily Katy Perry is famous, which means that when she feels ugly, she can look up hot pictures of herself on the internet.
On April Fools’ Day, Katy Instagrammed an 18-year-old messed-up picture of herself and joked it was her album cover. A few days later, she posted a couple pics of herself getting a jaw massage. No, it wasn’t the kind of “jaw massage” that violates Instagram’s community guidelines. Katy’s face looked busted in that pic too. It chipped away at Katy’s self-esteem, so she remedied it by posting this:
When Katy searches for hot pics of herself, it’s hard for her to lose. Google will unload hundreds of hot pics for her to choose from, and all of them are already Photoshopped. I just think she better be a bit careful. She got lucky this time. She searched “Katy Perry hot” and she got a hot picture. But one of these days, Google is going to pull one over on her and slip in an unflattering paparazzi pic of her sweating her ass off on a beach somewhere.