This is great news for anyone who has ever daydreamed of Prince Harry wearing a This Is What A Feminist Looks Like t-shirt. This revelation comes courtesy of Meghan Markle, who recently sat down for an interview with feminist icon Gloria Steinem to talk about the upcoming biopic, The Glorias (which is about Gloria Steinem over the course of her life), as well as why it’s important to vote in the November election. Uh oh, someone prepare Piers Morgan’s Valium dosage accordingly, Meghan is talking politics again.
Judging from the photos from their latest charitable outing, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have enthusiastically embraced the #FreeTheKnee movement. According to Page Six, on Wednesday, the couple hooked up with a charity called Baby2Baby, “a nonprofit organization that provides supplies, diapers and clothes to underprivileged children in Los Angeles and disaster areas” and handed out supplies at a drive-through event in South L.A. Now, clutch your heirloom pearls, secure your powdered wigs and hold on to your top hats because both Meghan and Harry wore shorts! Yes, Prince Harry showed his knees in public. It’s the former royal equivalent to wearing a string bikini to a charity car wash.
MacKenzie Scott is not fucking around. Last year she signed The Giving Pledge, which is an initiative started by Bill and Melinda Gates that encourages the world’s wealthiest people to donate at least half their fortunes to charitable causes. At the time, MacKenzie said she wasn’t going to waste any time in doing so. So while her ex-husband Jeff Bezos is apparently waiting to get Lauren Sanchez listed as a 501(c) before signing the pledge, MacKenzie quietly got to work. In just over a year, she has already donated $1.7 billion to various organizations with a promise to “keep at it until the safe is empty.” And while I’m pretty sure she’s not doing it out of spite to make Jeff look trashier than he already does, the probability of Jeff’s left eye twitching at the thought of people expecting him to do the same is a bonus act of charitable giving on MacKenzie’s part.
Last month, the world lost Bill Withers. And, despite this, organizers at ArtistsCAN, an artists initiative raising funds for COVID-19 relief in Canada, thought it would be a good idea (Canadians always have the best of intentions) to stage a virtual performance, pulling together some Canadian singers––many of whom couldn’t hold a fucking candle to Bill––and get them to croak out his signature song, “Lean On Me”. In a spectacle that literally nobody asked for, people like Justin Bieber, Avril Lavigne and Michael Buble, shat all over Bill’s legacy with their warbling, auto-tuned renditions, albeit all for a good cause. And, like any respectable group of narcissists, insisted on filming the whole thing. Your move, Gal Gadot.
With Tom Hanks’ return to the United States, the three cornerstones of the Illuminati pentagram can once again join forces to summon the devil as soon as Oprah Winfrey can get Jay-Z to pick up the phone (don’t worry, they don’t have to worrying about staying 6-feet away from each other so they don’t catch coronavirus because they invented coronavirus). Perhaps as a smoke screen to hide their true purpose, Oprah has decided to donate $10 million dollars to various coronavirus relief efforts, $1 million of which has already been donated to America’s Food Fund, a newly formed organization co-founded by Leonardo DiCaprio and Laurene Powell Jobs (Steve’s widow). So now, can we let her get back to sucking the brains out of babies’ ears in peace? Your move, Jeff Bezos (oh wait, he just announced he’s dating $100 million to Feeding America).
Witch princess and Narc, Lana Del Rey, is coming back with a new album. She actually just released her album Norman Fucking Rockwell! in August but she’s here with another out in January. But this isn’t your typical Lana Del Rey sleepy, drug-infused yodeling about an older boyfriend who’s a hardened criminal with prison tattoos but you love him anyway and roll his cigarettes and count the money because he eats your pussy right, this album is spoken word. And what’s more? Lana will be donating half of the money the album makes to Native American causes.