If someone asked you to try their “WAP drink”, you’d probably assume they wanted you to chug their, uh… hmmm, how do I put this delicately in case my mother reads this post… their pussy juices. An authentic WAP beverage, wrung straight from a bucket and a mop. But a Starbucks in Philadelphia begs to differ. Their WAP drink is white mocha, almond milk, and pumpkin spice. So a whole lotta white, creamy liquid infused with espresso and pumpkin flavor. OK, sure! Happy autumn!
Andrew Lloyd Webber has more money than God, not to mention every award imaginable––he’s one of 15 EGOTs. He is one of the most successful composers in history, responsible for dozens of huge Broadway musicals, including Cats, Evita and Jesus Christ Superstar. And even HE couldn’t turn Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s “WAP” into anything better than the original.
And no, the three words aren’t: I love Nicki.
Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s musical tribute to panty pudding is #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second week in a row, and to keep the WAP momentum going, she did an interview with Australia’s Kyle & Jackie O radio show and told them the three words that will never leap off of her tongue in a song because it gives her the icks. And well, we do know that on top of those the words, the words, “praise Melania Trump”, will never be said or typed by Cardi, because after a troll randomly compared Cardi B and Melania Trump during last night’s Republican National Convention, Cardi’s WAP clapped back twice. And yes, I got a little WAP juice in my eye during that “clap-back.”
I feel like if this was any other year, WAP by Cardi B. featuring Megan Thee Stallion would have made a juicy splash, been dubbed song of the summer, grinded to at the clerb and the beach, and been gone by the time the first shipment of pumpkin spice syrup left the warehouse on its way to Starbucks’ across the nation. Instead, we’re stuck in a (seemingly) never-ending cycle of WAP discourse which frankly has left my pussy dryer than Ben Shapiro’s wife’s. And now, WAP has debuted at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with 93 million U.S. streams in its first week. That’s “the most for any track ever in its first week of release,” which means we might be looking at many more months of wet pussy discourse. It’s like Groundhog Day and the groundhog just slid his slick head out of Cardi’s vagina like a crowning baby and announced 6 more weeks of excessive vaginal fluid.