Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have been at the forefront of the “skanky relatable family” schtick ever since they revealed that they don’t bathe their kids unless they see dirt on them and Ashton only ever washes his pits and crotch. Try-hards Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard even jumped on the bandwagon and made it known that they don’t wash their kids until they stink. Well, it’s time for Mila and Ashton to double down on their grossness and begin the next conversation among odiferous people who can definitely access proper hygiene and etiquette yet still reject it. Mila says they have an “open-door policy” and keep all doors in their house open, even when they’re using the bathroom.
I can hardly think of anything more romantic than standing in a court of law presenting a photograph of alleged human excrement left in the marital bed of your sexy movie star client in a failed effort to get a tabloid to take back calling him a “wife-beater.” And apparently, I’m not the only one! Us Weekly reports that the “chemistry” between Johnny Depp and Joelle Rich, one of the attorneys who represented him in his libel suit against The Sun, is “off the charts.” Which is really saying something given the jumbo XXL chart opposing counsel presented with his text message that read “I have no mercy, no fear and not an ounce of emotion or what I once thought was love for this gold digging, low level, dime a dozen, mushy, pointless dangling overused flappy fish market … I can only hope that karma kicks in and takes the gift of breath from her,” that ultimately divorced the title “wife beater” from the word “allegedly,” at least as far as The Sun is concerned. So it’s not like giant charts don’t exist, there just isn’t one that can accommodate the incredible chemistry between Johnny and Joelle. Sources claim “it’s serious between them. They are the real deal.” Oh, and did I mention that Joelle is currently married with two kids? Man, talk about a meet cute!
Tiffany Haddish and Aries Spears are being sued for child sexual abuse by two siblings. TMZ reports that the lawsuit says the comedians groomed a 14-year-old girl and her 7-year-old brother back in 2013 and 2014. They allegedly convinced the kids to appear in a sexually suggestive comedy video, one of which was entitled “Through a Pedophile’s Eyes” and later uploaded to the website Funny or Die. There are also claims that 42-year-old Tiffany and 47-year-old Aries molested the boy while filming. The plaintiffs, who are going by John and Jane Doe, say they’ve been traumatized for life. But Tiffany’s attorney tells TMZ that the suit is a “bogus” extortion attempt by the accusers’ mother. News of the lawsuit comes a few days after Lizzo called out Aries Spears at the VMAs for his mean comments about her appearance. So, apparently, this week is hell-bent on reminding us that the former MADtv cast member still exists.
Elon Musk Denies He Homewrecked Google Co-Founder Sergey Brin’s Marriage, Says He Hasn’t Had Sex In A While
The diet industry is probably in the Tummy Tea-infused shit can this morning and not because the state of the world is making many of us devour our feelings by shoving all kinds of deep-fried carb delicious into our eating holes without care. No, it’s because many of us have been forced to do intermittent fasting from hearing about Elon Musk busting nuts left and right. Who can eat anything while suffering from the heaves? Well, over the weekend, The Wall Street Journal got in on the adventures of 51-year-old Elon Musk’s dick and they say that it helped destroy the marriage of 48-year-old Google co-founder Sergey Brin and Sergey’s 37-year-old lawyer/entrepreneur wife Nicole Shanahan. But Elon Musk responded to the alleged tech bro billionaire drama, denying that he had an affair with Nicole and saying that he hasn’t “had sex in ages.” This is shocking to everyone who saw those topless pics of Elon Musk sunning his chichis. You’d think everyone would be throwing their genitals at him over that.
Pretty much every time we’ve had to hear about former owner of West Coast Choppers/Current CEO of Jesse James Firearms Unlimited, Jesse James (or Vanilla Gorilla, as he’s unlovingly been referred to here at Dlisted during his long tenure of improprieties), it’s usually because he said something gross, did something gross, or screwed one or multiple gross women while still being married. In more positive news, I guess (for who, I’m not sure), he just tied the knot with former porn star, Bonnie Rotten.
The Parents Of 18-Year-Old Tokata Iron Eyes Filed A Protective Order To Keep Her Away From Ezra Miller, Who’s Reportedly Groomed Her Since She Was 12
The Ezra Miller Is A Menace To Society saga continues! And it just got extra sad: TMZ reports that the parents of 18-year-old Tokata Iron Eyes have filed a court order against Ezra, in an attempt to get their daughter away from the 29-year-old actor. The parents say that Ezra has been grooming Tokata since she was 12, and uses “violence, intimidation, threat of violence, fear, paranoia, delusions, and drugs” to control her. Tokata dropped out of school in December, and now she’s co-starring in “Ezra Miller vs. Hawaii: 2022.”