Michael Avenatti is the walking, talking punchline to every dumb lawyer joke you’ve ever heard. In addition to the fraud and embezzlement charges he’s already facing for allegedly defrauding his clients to pad his own pockets, and a lawsuit brought by Nike accusing him of extortion, new allegations that he defrauded his main meal ticket Stormy Daniels have emerged. According to the AP, Michael is accused of forging Stormy’s signature and stealing her book advance to pay for his “extravagant lifestyle”. Q: What’s the difference between a Michael Avenatti and a hooker? A: a hooker only screws one person at a time. See, it works every time!
I’m beginning to think Stormy Daniels has a bad taste in men – no wonder she quit this one! Michael Avenatti, an attorney who seems to need an hourly cable news appearance in order to live or, as Gloria Allred likely calls him, “amateur hour,” isn’t having the best few weeks. He and Stormy mysteriously ended their attorney-client relationship, and now the FBI is barking up his tree for some shady shit and he was arrested on federal charges. Yeah, the dude who screams at a lot of people for being a crook may end up being one himself: the FBI is investigating his ass for wire and bank fraud AND trying to extort money from Nike. Luckily, Nike proved with their Colin Kaepernick ads they DGAF about screaming banshees, so they called the FBI as soon as Michael started getting lippy with them.
Stormy Daniels owes Michael Avenatti a great, big “I told you so” because she’s just been ordered to pay nearly $300,000 of Donald Trump’s legal fees for that defamation lawsuit he talked her into filing. While this ruling has no bearing whatsoever on her primary NDA lawsuit against Trump, you still know it’s something Trump’s gonna be congratulating himself for, and maybe we should give it to him since he’s having such a bad day. Michael Cohen was sentenced to 3 years in prison today. Stormy lost the defamation suit in October, but because of the nature of the suit, the plaintiff is required by Texas law to pay the defendant’s legal fees. So yes, it’s technically a loss, but the judge also stated that Trump’s lawyers overcharged, so the amount requested was reduced. Maybe they’ll let her pay it to Cohen’s prison commissary account.
When Stormy Daniels refused to let Trump and his goons label her as a lie-telling whore (“I’m a truth-telling whore, thankyouverymuch” is probably what Stormy would say), she teamed up with lawyer Michael Avenatti and the two became a talk show wet dream team who furiously worked the circuit in the name of Justice4Stormy. They stuck together through bad times (like when Stormy was arrested in a shady sting for doing what Stormy does at a strip club) and disgusting times (like when Stormy made all of us spit out the deep fried mushrooms we were eating by saying that Trump’s dick look like it should be wearing a blue and gold vest and a too-tight diaper). But it looks like the legal honeymoon may be over.
Michael Avanatti, full of hubris and wielding a huge power boner, has flown too close to the sun and, allegedly, punched it in the face. Avanatti The Got Caughtti (I’m grieving, cut me some slack!) was arrested for felony domestic abuse on Wednesday. According to TMZ, Michael is accused of laying hands on a woman on Tuesday, and was arrested on Wednesday after his alleged victim (who is not his estranged wife, as was originally reported) caused a scene in front of a luxury apartment complex in the Century City neighborhood in Los Angeles.
It looks like this week is shaping up to be just as good as last week for Donald Trump. Last week, for the first time in a very long time, he wasn’t the loudest, most obnoxious windbag in the room. This week, we’re learning that a judge has dismissed one of Stormy Daniels’ (or “Horseface” as he calls her) lawsuits that she filed against her one-time hookup.