Much like Mr. Hankey from South Park, Donald Trump has re-emerged from the depths of whatever toilet he’s been residing in to ruin all of our days. Well, more like ruin all of our lives since he still reeeeally wants to be your president once again. So in an attempt to make sure he riles up his basket of deplorables ahead of Presidential campaign season, CNN decided to give him a town hall with his fanatics. That decision didn’t go over well. And in a move toward “HUH?”, CNN’s former giggle monster Anderson Cooper defended his network’s decision to give a platform to “the front-runner for the Republican nominee for President.” That also didn’t go over well.
Things are going to be a little awkward at the back of the unemployment line today. Because former Fox News sweetheart Tucker Carlson and former CNN sweetheart Don Lemon are both out of a job after getting shit-canned by their network. Since both Fox News and CNN are down a messy anchor, I bet that they’re currently in a bidding war with each other to land Kerry from Succession!
Another update to CNN-NYE Sobergate ’23! Last year, Andy Cohen got all kinds of wasted on CNN’s New Year’s Eve broadcast. Rather than blame Andy, the network decided to blame booze. Last month, Variety reported that CNN expected their hosts and correspondents to scale back on the drinking. Andy responded to Variety’s report on Watch What Happens Live! with this proclamation: “Anderson and I are going to party harder than we have ever partied before on New Year’s Eve!” Then, yesterday, Rolling Stone published an interview with Andy (recorded last month), where he doubled down on his party plans. He claimed he and co-host Anderson Cooper would be “partying responsibly.” Unfortunately, in the weeks since, Andy has changed his tune. Today he told Page Six that he will not be drinking on New Year’s Eve. This isn’t to say there aren’t other substances Andy can use to get in the mood…
362 days ago, Andy Cohen got schwasted while hosting CNN’s New Year’s Eve coverage. He went off on former New York mayor Bill de Blasio and referred to Ryan Seacrest and his cronies at ABC’s Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve as “a group of losers.” Whoops! Even though Andy faced some backlash for his drunk-skunk antics, CNN pretty much immediately confirmed that they’d asked him and Anderson Cooper back for NYE 2023. However, last month, the network announced that they wanted their hosts to scale back on the drinking. Well, Ryan Seacrest has added his two cents during an interview with Entertainment Weekly. He says he doesn’t “advocate” booze on the air, and CNN’s plan to scale back is a “good idea.” Ugh, what a LOSER thing to say!
CNN Said They Plan To Scale Back The Drinking During Their New Year’s Eve Coverage, And Andy Cohen Responded
For those of us who refuse to wear clothes with an uncompromising waistband or leave the house past 8 p.m., we look to the TV on New Year’s Eve to watch other, more ambitious fun-havers crammed into the confines of Times Square clad in coats, hats, and adult diapers who’ve stood in the cold for 16 hours in anticipation of a few underwhelming musical guests followed by ten whole seconds of excitement. CNN’s NYE coverage has become the staple for people who love mess and don’t want to sit through Ryan Seacrest and his “group of losers;” with the master of lighting a match and walking away, Andy Cohen, getting lit with his incessantly giggly bestie, Anderson Cooper, while Don Lemon and other correspondents assist in the chaos. Last year, Andy got so rip-roaring ranty and wasted that it was rumored CNN cut him loose. But they didn’t, and he and Anderson will be back this year to host the festivities. And even though CNN says they’ve decided they’re banning booze for the correspondents involved in the coverage, Andy wants everyone to know the new rule doesn’t apply to him or Anderson, so we should expect them to be next-level hammered.
Applebee’s and CNN got some shit PR yesterday as Russia began its invasion of Ukraine. Wondering how that’s related? CNN decided that they needed to get those advertising dollars but did not want to cut away from their coverage of the attack on Ukraine, so they combined the two. And they got shit for it. Well, Applebee’s doesn’t appreciate being the newest Internet meme and so they have suspended running ads on CNN.