Though he’s been gone for almost 13 years, I remember when James Brown died because details surrounding his death always seemed sketchy as hell. There were all of these questions about exactly what happened and I believe his widow was this lady with red hair that screamed on television when she discovered she was locked out of his estate. Back then all of these antics were seen as a bit extreme, but by 2019 standards it’s pretty PG. Now there are new developments surrounding James Brown’s death in a new series on CNN that is filled to the brim with endless insanity.
This season of America is so wild, y’all. Did you catch last week’s episode where President Trump was holding a press conference and Jim Acosta from CNN asked him a few pointed questions, so Trump sent in an intern to take his microphone away and then revoked his press credentials? Then had his press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders try to make it seem like it was because Jim had “placed hands” on the intern by posting a video they got from a fringe, right-wing conspiracy website, which one of Trump’s attorneys later confirmed to had been “not altered” but “sped up“? That shit was BANANAS. Well, this week’s episode is just as crazy. CNN and Jim are suing Donald, Sarah, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly, the Deputy Chief of staff, the Director of the Secret Service, and an individual secret service officer.
Earlier this week the internet went nuts when a video of some people fucking got liked on Twitter by none other than scrunchy perv-faced senator Ted Cruz. Of course, he immediately launched into “Oh Hell No!” mode by denying that he was the one who liked it and blamed a member of his staff (which would be a hot title for a political porno. Perhaps he can direct). You’d think that this is where the drama would die, but CNN had other plans.
When POTUS Donald Trump wants to sneak shit past the American public, or distract them from his mess (Muslim ban/healthcare/Russia), he starts tweeting ridiculous shit. Probably so no one will notice his cabinet creeping through the backdoor with something scary, or racist, or insanely greedy.
“I seem to be the only person who has spotted this, and nobody seems to be raising any questions or pointing it out,” she said.
Yesterday, CNN correspondent Lucy Pawle dialed up anchor Suzanne Malveaux to report that she had seen an ISIS flag being displayed in the middle of London’s Gay Pride parade. You know us gays. Butt sex = a gateway drug for terrorism.
It wasn’t an ISIS flag. It was a flag satirizing ISIS using depictions of buttplugs and dildos. Basically someone was flying a flag that is similar to the one that flutters over Michael K’s street corner. She seriously thought that there was a gay ISIS faction? Girl, they drop us off of buildings. I’m guessing they wouldn’t have gotten an Evite to march between Dykes on Bikes and the human ponies from the fetish club.
To her credit, she did finally note that Arabic isn’t written using fuck toys. I’ll cut her an inch of slack because the flag looks identical to an ISIS flag. I’ll also shake my head sadly for her because this gal doesn’t recognize a dildo. Lucy, none of your friends have ever invited you to one of those parties where you get drunk and sample vibrators instead of scented candles? Get new friends, bitch.
Watch the video of CNN mistakenly reporting that ISIS had infiltrated the gay community (my eyes just rolled out of my head, fell to the floor, and my teacup poodle is now chasing them) below.