Amy Schumer has a new show on the Food Network called Amy Schumer Learns To Cook. The premise is, you guessed it, Amy Schumer learns to cook, with the help of her chef husband, Chris Fischer. They film it themselves while their recently re-named baby, Gene
Attell David Fischer, naps. And while most live-in nannies would use a sleeping child as a much-deserved break, Amy’s nanny, Jane, has been put to work as their director of photography. Hey, at least she’s diversifying that resumé.
In the last episode, Amy and Chris made pasta, which Amy paired with the “cocktail” of chardonnay. Then she called up her totally relatable bestie, Jennifer Lawrence (who also recently married a Cook[e]), to talk shop (booze). Jennifer actually picked up. I know, answering a voice call in 2020?! OK, mom.
Ketchup! It’s a great way to moisten/add unnecessary sodium to classic meals like burgers, fries, eggs, grilled cheese, hot dogs, etc. Hell, I’ll put that shit on my BLT, poutine (I know!), and of course mac n’ cheese. My favorite chips? Ketchup chips (Is that still just a Canadian thing?). It’s clearly the best condiment ever, and I can attribute at least ten pounds of my body fat to the salty red stuff.
But even I, a
deeply ashamed proud ketchup slut, drew the line at the food-crime committed by former Major League Baseball player Adam Jones. KETCHUP ON TACOS.
Sorry to break it to you, but we are living in the end times. 2020 has brought the crazy with the coronavirus pandemic, stock market plunge, election, climate crisis… Hell, even this season of RuPaul’s Drag Race is plagued by darkness. But there is hope. There is light. And we have McDonald’s to thank for it.
McDonald’s has decided to reboot the Grand Mac with The Double Big Mac. That’s right, you stupid little piggies. Your perverted prayers have come true. Starting today, for a limited time, you can get your chubby (hopefully sanitized) hands on the “Double Big Mac”. The company will also sell the “Little Mac”, for those of us trying to limber up pre-apocalypse.
Dunkin’ (previously known as Dunkin’ Donuts, in case you didn’t get the memo) has decided to help out those people who buy one of their breakfast sandwiches, only to pull the bacon out before throwing the rest in the trash, and then realizing they threw delicious carbs in the trash and fishing out the bread. They’re selling just bags of bacon now. And they also replaced “time to make the donuts” with “time to pull a grift” because they’re passing off 4 slices of bacon as 8.
Those mad scientists at Pizza Hut have done it again! And this time, their exciting additions to the gourmet world aren’t just being served in the Middle East (cheeseburger crusted pizza) or China (hot dog and shrimp tempura pizza). That’s right. The Hut’s new Mozzarella Poppers Pizza is being offered in the good ol’ U.S. of A! Yeeee haw, chow down, y’all! Continue reading
Good news for lovers of soggy Cheetos and sodium headaches! KFC will be offering a new menu item featuring everybody’s favorite weird dick-shaped snack, the Cheeto. According to Eater, beginning July 1 and for a limited time, KFC will be offering a Cheetos sandwich that will be available nationwide. However, those few Americans lucky enough to live in New York City (or willing to travel) will have the opportunity to sample an entire pop-menu of KFC by Cheeto foods, but you have to act fast. The pop-up “event” is one day only. Reservations are recommended if you want VIP access which I guess means bottle service and a lap dance from Chester Cheetah.