Open Post: Hosted By A Possibly Single Taylor Swift Choking On A Bug
Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour has been a magical, religious experience for many of her obsessive fans, but some of the shows haven’t been without their hiccups. A few weeks ago, a trap door Taylor was supposed to dive into didn’t open on time. And Last night during her Chicago show, she had two viral moments when her faulty mic wouldn’t work, AND she choked and sputtered after swallowing a bug. But one repulsive thing Taylor won’t have in her mouth anymore? “Fucking slack-jawed fuckwit” Matty Healy! Because Taylor and Matty (Tatty?) have reportedly called it quits.
According to Billboard, Taylor’s string of annoyances at her show last night began when she picked up a mic to start singing into it, and nothing came out. She took a moment to try to fix the glitch on her own until one of her minions brought her a new one.
She tried to start “Lover,” but the malfunction meant no one could hear her. She tried to tinker and troubleshoot with the microphone herself until a stage tech appeared next to her to swap out her very sparkly mic for a regular one.
“All right, guys, let’s start this over again. None of that happened … Let’s take a second in our memories, rewind ’em back, none of that happened. We’re back to 36 seconds ago,” she joked.
I prefer an Ashlee Simpson Jig™ during an awkward moment, but instead, we got some mic slappin’ and armpits:
TAYLORS MIC DIDNT WORK!! MY COMEDIAN #ChicagoTSTheErasTour @taylornation13 pic.twitter.com/Ottlvo0eDk
— ariana HEARD HITS DIFFERENT LIVE (@japrilss) June 5, 2023
Then a bit later, a bug flew right into her mouth while she was talking to the crowd. She tried to laugh it off but was obviously jilted after swallowing it.
“I just swallowed a bug,” Swift moaned from the stage, where she covered her face and turned away from the crowd in her Evermore set, during which she was about lead in to “Tolerate It.” She tried to shake it off, unconvincingly saying that she’ll “be fine.” “It’s just so stupid,” she said, shaking her head and attempting to spit out the insect.
“Delicious,” she deadpanned.
“Oh, god,” Swift continued. “Is there any chance none of you saw that?” This was followed by her laughing and gagging.
“This is gonna happen again tonight,” Swift predicted. “There’s so many bugs. There’s 1,000 of them.”
Here’s Taylor’s mid-show snack:
can you believe A BUG went to the eras tour AND met taylor swift and I DIDNT???? pic.twitter.com/7QnsktOV6g
— zaynah / finals season (@peaceofseven) June 5, 2023
And Azealia Banks can sleep easier now that Taylor’s “rich white coochie mountain” is safe from Matty’s “scabies”-laden “full incel” ways because TMZ says the two have broken up. And over the weekend, Matty was already back to his old kissing-slut tricks when he kissed a male security guard at The 1975’s show in Denmark. So I guess true love is dead (or it was bad for Taylor’s brand). But a PSA to Swifties: concert bugs probably wouldn’t be such an issue if you’d stop stinking up the damn place with your ripe, soggy diapers!