She’s back, bitches! In the three years since her MTV reality show Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club got shitcanned, Lindsay Lohan has clawed and scratched her way back up to the lower-middle and is starring in a Planet Fitness commercial that will air during the Super Bowl! Now, it’s a bit premature to say her acting career is skyrocketing towards where it once was, but I think we could say she’s at least found the keys to a reasonably priced midsize sedan and is planning to go put some gas in the tank as soon as that Planet Fitness check clears so she can eventually hit the road to success at a safe and responsible speed.
Ketchup! It’s a great way to moisten/add unnecessary sodium to classic meals like burgers, fries, eggs, grilled cheese, hot dogs, etc. Hell, I’ll put that shit on my BLT, poutine (I know!), and of course mac n’ cheese. My favorite chips? Ketchup chips (Is that still just a Canadian thing?). It’s clearly the best condiment ever, and I can attribute at least ten pounds of my body fat to the salty red stuff.
But even I, a
deeply ashamed proud ketchup slut, drew the line at the food-crime committed by former Major League Baseball player Adam Jones. KETCHUP ON TACOS.
Superman, Batman, and every other superhero have some explaining to do today. Because yesterday a grandmother was trapped upside down in her car after getting hit by another motorist that ran a red light, and the hero that swooped in to save the day wasn’t wearing a cape or tights, but an extremely sick mustache and a muscle shirt. Danny Trejo has joined Ryan Gosling, T.I., and Cher and Meryl Streep in the Celebrity Civilian Rescue Club.