Open Post: Hosted By The Double Big Mac

March 12, 2020 / Posted by: Emily

Sorry to break it to you, but we are living in the end times. 2020 has brought the crazy with the coronavirus pandemic, stock market plunge, election, climate crisis… Hell, even this season of RuPaul’s Drag Race is plagued by darkness. But there is hope. There is light. And we have McDonald’s to thank for it.

McDonald’s has decided to reboot the Grand Mac with The Double Big Mac. That’s right, you stupid little piggies. Your perverted prayers have come true. Starting today, for a limited time, you can get your chubby (hopefully sanitized) hands on the “Double Big Mac”. The company will also sell the “Little Mac”, for those of us trying to limber up pre-apocalypse.

via CNN:

Beginning Thursday, McDonald’s (MCD) is adding a Little Mac and a Double Big Mac to its menu, for a limited time. They are smaller and larger, respectively, versions of its flagship Big Mac hamburger.

McDonald’s will serve a Little Mac and a Double Big Mac beginning Wednesday.

The Little Mac is similar to a McDonald’s single cheeseburger: It’s a single patty with a dollop of Special Sauce. It costs $2.29.

The Double Big Mac, which costs $5.49, has four burger patties. It has 720 calories and 43 grams of fat.

By comparison, a regular-sized Big Mac, which has two patties, costs $3.99. It has 540 calories and 30 grams of fat.

As glorious as this news is, I’m not sure it’s totally wise. The government says to avoid crowds, work from home, and practice social distancing. Now McDonald’s is telling us to storm their “restaurants” and fight our way through diseased crowds to get the Double Big Mac before it sells out? This is the Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich all over again! Way to incite a riot during pandemic season, Ronald McDonald, you dumb goofy clown bitch.

I love the Big Mac, especially when I’m so drunk I can’t stand. But I never thought the burger needed more patties. It needs more special Mac sauce! I would use that shit as lip gloss. As toothpaste. As lube. Nope, I went too far. I knew it the moment I typed it. Sorry, all.

Pic: McDonald’s

Tags: Deliciousness, McDonald's, Open Post

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