Panty Creamer Of The Day: A Wet, Topless And Stach’d Milo Ventimiglia
Because Mondays are grosser than that mocos tissue your frugal abuelita used until no clean spots were available (What? Just mine?), here’s some wet man nipples to make it a little less grosser.
Ellen DeGeneres called in sick to her show and so the producers pulled out a list of possible substitutes. Every single person, animal, plant and inanimate object on that list must’ve been busy, because they settled for Miley Cyrus. I mean, Billy Ray Cyrus’ half-eaten Taco Party Pack would’ve made a better host. But Miley’s episode wasn’t that awful and that’s solely because of the wet nipples belonging to Milo Ventimigilia. (Fun fact: Ventimiglia is Italian for “large Starbucks cup of man hotness.“)
Milo has already said that he doesn’t mind that millions of eyeballs have scooped up a piece of bare nalgas, so of course he didn’t mind taking his top off for the sake of charity on Ellen Miley. Starting at the 3:43 mark, Milo and Miley (which sounds like the name of the most annoying kid’s show on the Disney Channel) play that game where he gets half-naked and sits in a splash tank while she tries to get him wet with pink balls. Ellen gets a celebrity dude half-naked every year to raise money for breast cancer research.
And I think the cherry on top of this panty creaming sundae (Why did I write that?) is the stache that Milo’s been working for a minute, because it makes him look like the star of an early-80s porn parody of Magnum P.I. called Magnum P.I. (Penis Investigator).
Pic: Warner Bros.
Tori Spelling Was Ordered To Pay Her $38,000 Amex Bill
Way back in January it was reported that semi-professional broke person Tori Spelling was in possession of a $37,981.97 Amex bill that Candy Spelling definitely wasn’t going to pay. Tori sent them a check for $1,070, which of course bounced. The deadbeat department at AmEx clearly got tired of waiting for a payment. E! News says that on August 11, a judge ordered a default judgement against Tori and demanded she pay Amex.
Open Post: Hosted By The Only Thing I Want For Christmas
Every year, my family asks me what I want for Jesus’ Born Day and every time, I say, “Oh, nothing, your unconditional love is enough, but if you insist,” before reaching into my pocket and pulling out a list that’s longer than the delusions of grandeur that twirl in my head. My list always has the usual on it: a Prince Hot Ginge boyfriend pillow, one of Angelyne’s hot pink chariots, a Castle Grayskull playset that’s been converted into a bong and a dog-walking drone. You know, a bunch of reasonable shit. But this year, there will only be one thing on it: The Golden Girls action figures!
Getting Pissed At A Coldplay Show Might Have Cost Bethenny Frankel A Job
Huh, I always thought that acting like a mess was the kind of thing that would land Bethenny Frankel a job, not lose her one. But I guess that only applies to Real Housewives appearances.
Last April, Bethenny got a limited-run weekly talk show on Andy Cohen’s SiriusXM channel called B Real with Bethenny. On August 10th, Bethenny announced she was taking a summer break and would be back in the fall. Well, it’s definitely fall, and B Real with Bethenny still hasn’t returned. According to Page Six, it’s never coming back, and it’s all thanks to that drunk tantrum she threw at a Coldplay show in the Hamptons this summer.
Prince George Doesn’t Give One Shit About Waving Like A Good Royal
Duchess Breck Girl and Prince Baldy’s week-long tour through British Columbia ended over the weekend, and Prince George was obviously as thrilled to bid “bye, bitch” to his Canadian subjects as he was to greet them. There are only 4 things listed in the job description of a British royal and they are: smile, wave, always dress like you’re stuck in a “perfect family portrait” that comes with the frame and piss off Morrissey any chance you get. Prince George either got THE QUEEN to scratch off “smile and wave” on his contract or he can’t be bothered to care. I’m going with the second one.
Those Robbers Made Off With $10 Million Worth Of Kim Kardashian’s Jewelry
As every trick on earth knows since it was CNN BREAKING NEWS, Kim Kardashian was held at gunpoint by masked men pretending to be cops early this morning in Paris. Kim and several members of the Koven are now in NYC with Kanye West as a gang of Joanne the Scammer’s proteges try to sell millions of dollars worth of jewelry on the black market and also feel their eyeballs go numb as they swipe through 5,000 selfies on one of the phones they stole from Kim (and those 5,000 selfies were from yesterday alone). More details about The Krown Jewel Kaper have spilled out including how the thieves got away with $10 million in jewelry. Their loot may have included that gigantic diamond ring that’s almost bigger than one of Kim’s ass cheeks.