Demi Lovato Isn’t Here For Your Skinny-Bodied Fan Art
If sites like DeviantArt have taught me anything, it’s that if you can picture a cartoon character having sex, someone has probably drawn it, and that people love drawing fan art. There is no end to the pencil sketch fan art on the internet. There’s probably almost as much fan art portraits as there is porn at this point. Some are flattering. Some look like they could be hanging in the Gallery of Terrifying Famous Faces next to that painting of Prince William. Refinery29 says that Demi Lovato recently saw some maybe-too-flattering fan art that was done in her likeness that did not get the Demi Lovato seal of approval.
Lindsay Lohan Lost Part Of Her Finger In A Boating Accident This Weekend
Poor Lindsay Lohan. She loves boats! I mean, being on a boat is practically her full-time job at this point. But this weekend, some shit went down that temporarily took her off a boat and put her in the hospital. There are only two things that would make Lindsay Lohan leave a boat and go to the hospital: either she passed out after hearing the boat’s captain say “Uh oh, looks like we left all the vodka and cigarettes back on shore” or she damn near lost an appendage. TMZ says it was the second one.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
The goat in a palm tree!
Not much is known about this thrilling video of a goat in a palm tree. The only thing I really know about it is that it’s made an appearance on my Facebook feed at least sixty five hundred thousand times, because who isn’t mesmerized by a goat in a tree, and watching forty-seconds of a goat in a tree is better than reading your Trump supporter cousin’s latest ALL-CAPS rant of foolery about Hillary Clinton’s pneumonia and e-mails.
I don’t know why that goat skedaddled its ass up that palm tree. Maybe this video was shot on the day that the Brangelina break-up news broke and it climbed up that palm tree as fast as it could because it knew that the Great Flood of Brangeloonie Tears was soon going to be upon us. That’s probably it.
This video both comforts my soul and stresses the shit out of it. It comforts me, because aren’t we all just a goat who’s stuck in a tree and wondering how we got there and how we get down? It stresses me out, because I will now go through the rest of my life wondering whatever happened to this goat, and before I let out my final breath, I’m going to think to myself, “Okay, but what the fuck happened to that goat in a palm tree?”
Birthday Sluts
Chubby Checker (75)
A$AP Rocky (28)
Alicia Vikander (28)
Zuleyka Rivera (29)
Jessica Parker Kennedy (32)
Ashlee Simpson (32)
Erik von Detten (34)
Seth Gabel (35)
John Morrison (37)
Shannyn Sossamon (38)
Jake Shears (38)
Sean William Scott (40)
Alanna Ubach (41)
India Arie (41)
Neve Campbell (43)
Lena Headey (43)
Kevin Richardson (45)
Jimmy Ray (46)
Janel Moloney (47)
Gwen Stefani (47)
Tommy Wiseau (48)
Clive Owen (52)
Tommy Lee (54)
Jack Wagner (57)
Al Sharpton (62)
Keb’ Mo’ (65)
Joey Arias (67)
Lindsey Buckingham (67)
Roy Horn (72)
Pic: MCRF
Kim Kardashian Was Held At Gunpoint In Paris
During Kanye West’s headlining performance at the Meadows Festival in Queens tonight, he was halfway through Heartless when he announced that he had a family emergency and had to quit that bitch. No, Kanye’s family emergency was not him finding out that Kim Kardashian went SANS FARDS (but not really SANS FARDS) in Paris and it wasn’t him finding out that North West actually wore a color out in public. The family emergency was a serious and scary one. Kim was allegedly held at gunpoint by masked dudes in Paris. And which one of you bitches were at Kanye’s set and screamed, “That is SO Kanye!”
https://twitter.com/Genius/status/782762614996762624?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Kim’s rep tells CNN that sometime tonight in Paris, two dudes pretending to be police officers held her at gunpoint. The rep didn’t say if the gunmen stole anything, but they did say that Kim wasn’t harmed:
“Kim Kardashian West was held up at gunpoint inside her Paris hotel room this evening, by two armed masked men dressed as police officers. She is badly shaken but physically unharmed.”
Does that Vitalli Sediuk mess have an alibi?!
Kim may not be harmed, but I’m sure her bodyguards are. Pimp Mama Kris is also in Paris, so she probably unlocked her jaw and immediately swallowed the souls of their security guards for not protecting Kim.
Pic: Splash
Open Post: Hosted By The Simon Cowell Toe That Viewers Thought Was A Dick
TV Mean Girl Simon Cowell was just sitting comfortably between fellow X Factor judges, Scary Spice and Baby Spice (fine, their slightly more real names are Mel B and Emma Bunton) while judging the poor unfortunates on UK’s The X Factor. Viewers at home grew concerned when it appeared as though Simon was a little TOO into the performances. To speak frankly, Simon looked like his dick had popped out to say something devastatingly snarky that would end a musical hopeful’s dreams. Or maybe Simon had kept a secret Spice Girls fantasy to himself all this time and he just couldn’t hold back any further.
Thankfully, it was actually his big toe that was the horny attention whore. He just had his leg folded up. At least that’s what the Daily Mail thinks. Simon hasn’t commented. I HOPE that’s what happened. Otherwise, Scary and Baby need to zigga-zig-ah his ass to jail.
Watch Simon question a contestant’s choice in cosmetics while his toe looks inappropriate below.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NuuffQZa-U
Pic: The X Factor