Billy Bob Thornton Says He Never Felt “Good Enough” For Angelina Jolie
There was once a time, a beautiful, magical, messy time when Angelina Jolie wasn’t the halo-wearing saint of the people. It was the early 2000s, and Angelina was a brother-kissing, blood-vial-wearing ball of crazy who was married to Billy Bob Thornton. Angelina and Billy Bob were a match made in horny mess heaven who rolled up on a red carpet with the fresh stink of limo sex on them. But as perfect as they seemed to be, they weren’t. Billy Bob recently confessed to GQ that it didn’t work out between he and Angelina because he wasn’t the fancy gentleman she needed.
Donald And Melania Trump Tour The Dump They’ll Probably Try To Tear Down To Build A Gold Palace
The day after thousands of people took to the streets to protest against America’s future evil orange overlord, the hardened glob of lithium grease and Melania Trump toured the little DC pied-à-terre they’ll move into next year. As Melania strolled through the dusty old shack she’s been forced to downgrade to, she made an internal checklist of all of the things she’ll need to switch out with something gold, crystal or marble. Eventually her internal checklist got so big that she decided to chuck it and declare that bitch a tear-down. Melania will get her husband to use his pull to rip the White House of its landmark status, so they can bulldoze that shanty down and build a gold skyscraper palace fit for the Queen of the United States! No, she’s not going to do that. She’s going to keep everything, even her idol Michelle Obama’s sleepin’ pillow, which she’ll hug and sniff every night.
Kelly Ripa Says Some Bad Botox Once Gave Her A Busted Face For Six Months
I don’t know for sure if the face you’re looking at above has been done dirty by bad Botox. But considering that it looks like Kelly Ripa’s teeth were called in last minute by her facial muscles to make a smile happen, I’m going to say: maybe? Kelly Ripa has admitted in the past that she loves Botox. Unfortunately, Kelly said on Live with Kelly yesterday that Botox once messed up her face six ways from Sunday.
The World Now Has Another Kardashian In It (UPDATE)
And now for some really important news that you truly, truly care about!
The halls of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in L.A. are now covered with melted plastic, because Angela Kartrashian (aka Blac Chyna) had a C-section this morning and as soon as the doctor cut her stomach, out come a wave of silicone and on top of it was her baby daughter, who was using the placenta as a surfboard. The official home of the koven, E!, reports that at 9:18 this morning, Pimp Mama Kris’ newest money maker was pulled out of Blac Chyna’s body and I’m sure that 4 seconds later, PMK pricked that baby’s finger, and made her press her bloody fingerprint on a life-long kontract. You gotta sign ’em young before they gain some sense.
Brad Pitt Didn’t Commit Child Abuse, So Rules DCFS
TMZ reported yesterday that the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services closed their file on Brad Pitt after coming to the conclusion that whatever he did or said to 15-year-old Maddox Jolie-Pitt on that private plane wasn’t child abuse. Officials apparently busted out an “exhaustive” investigation and interviewed Brad, St. Angie Jolie, the child army and witnesses who were on that plane. They also investigated other claims that Brad has been verbally abusive to his 6 children before. They’re done with the investigation and decided that Brad is not a human version of that “Hey stupid, don’t you know how to listen?” PSA from the 1980s. Okay, but did DCFS ever find out if Brad made his children watch his Chanel commercial, because that counts as child abuse.
Gisele Bundchen Says Tom Brady Is Not Allowed To Talk Politics Anymore
On election eve, Donald Trump bragged at a rally in New Hampshire that his “great friend” Tom Brady voted for him. This was news to Tom, who claimed he hadn’t voted yet. When asked on social media if she and her husband were Team Trump, Gisele Bundchen responded with a loud “NO.” Things at the Bundchen-Brady home must have been a really awkward during their usual dinner of blanched celery leaves that night, because Tom says he’s not allowed to talk about politics anymore. Politics, please take your place with sugar, coffee, strawberries, and everything else that’s not allowed anywhere near Tom Brady’s mouth.