Just like pretty much everyone else, Trey Parker and Matt Stone were positive that Hillary Clinton was going to win. They were so positive that they wrote Wednesday night’s episode of South Park around it. Season 20’s seventh episode, “The Very First Gentleman“, was supposed to air last night and be about Bill Clinton. Of course, it didn’t take long on election night to realize that the First Spouse spot was going to Slovenian trophy wife Melania Trump and they had to start over with less than 24-hours till airtime. Trey Parker and Matt Stone were living my recurring nightmare in which I’m back in high school and have an hour before my presentation on Laura Secord is due.

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Buster the Boxer!

Christmas is only 44 and a half days away and that means we’ve only got a little over 6 weeks to max out our credit cards on gifts that the people in our lives will probably return and drop-kick a whore in a Target for the last Samsung Gear VR. It also means that the Christmas displays that terrorized our eyeballs even before Halloween are about to multiply like holly jolly Gremlins who continuously fart out Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You. The UK department store John Lewis got their holiday season (aka Get That Money, Stores, And Get Broke, Customers season) by releasing their annual cute, little manipulative ass Christmas commercial.

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Sinbad (60)
Zoey Deutch (22)
Taron Egerton (27)
Josh Peck (30)
Miranda Lambert (33)
Heather Matarazzo (34)
Diplo (38)
Eve (38)
David Paetkau (38)
Chris Lilley (42)
DJ Ashba (44)
Walton Goggins (45)
Warren G (46)
Ellen Pompeo (47)
Steve Brookstein (48)
Tracy Morgan (48)
Michael Jai White (49)
Vanessa Angel (50)
Hugh Bonneville (53)
Tommy Davidson (53)
Neil Gaiman (56)
MacKenzie Phillips (57)
Ann Reinking (67)
Donna Fargo (71)
Tim Rice (72)
Ennio Morricone (88)
Brittany Murphy (1977-2009)

Pic: Fox

Meanwhile in Mexico, Mimi gave the eyes of her Mexican lambs a serving of her beaded unicorn toe  – Lainey Gossip 

I see that People is really standing by the writer who claims she was attacked by our next president – Celebitchy

Kylie Jenner got done up like a slutty BP oil spill for a picture – Drunken Stepfather

I want to live in this picture of Mickey Rourke and his moose knuckle – The Superficial

Kenya Moore and Sheree Whitfield continue their real and not-at-all scripted feud about their houses – Reality Tea 

Those Japanese potatoes keep doing their thing, because it looks like Olivia Munn’s face has changed again – Popoholic

Anna Kendrick looks slightly constipated in Marie Claire – Hollywood Tuna

Max Landis is set to butcher one of his dad’s movies – Pajiba

The new definition of candid IS the paps just randomly catching a shirtless Tyler Posey talking on the phone – OMG Blog

File under “Something I needed today“: a pic of BETTY FUCKING WHITE! – SOW

These pictures of Audrina Patridge’s wedding are incomplete without Mama Ceiling Eyes – Popsugar

Panty Creamer of the Day: A topless Joel McHale in a Sharpie bra – Just Jared

Pic: Splash

In these confusing and scary times, at least there’s one constant we can count on and that’s Goldie Hawn continuing to not give one tiny sliver of a fuck by visiting the construction site of her new L.A. house with no bra, capri leggings and a fanny pack. Goldie Hawn is giving us “stoned Peg from Lady and the Tramp going to the swap meet” and that IS the look.

Pics: FameFlynet, Splash

Brad Pitt has been laying low ever since St. Angie Jolie caused the definition of marriage to crumble into a billion pieces when she filed for divorce. I figured that he’d spend the next few weeks holed up in his bachelor mansion where he’d suck on cigars and play cards with Jacques Jolie-Pitt on a table made from the empty pizza boxes they’ve been collecting ever since they moved in. But on Monday, Brad hosted a private screening in L.A. of Moonlight, which may get a few Oscar nominations and was produced by his production company Plan B. Julia Roberts also showed up to support Brad and she may or may not have brought a shirt with the words “A Low Angie” on it and asked him if he wanted to wear it for the pics.

I figured that in the first pictures of Brad since the SPLIT OF THE CENTURY, he’d look bloated, puffy-eyed, extra greasy and he’d have dried nacho cheese clinging to the side of his mouth and flies circling the crusty shirt he hasn’t changed in weeks. (What I’m saying is that I thought he’d look like me on any given day of the week.) But Brad actually washed his ass, put on clean clothes and showed up looking like a Pacific Northwestern high school English teacher who tells the kids to call him by his first name and can be found down-low vaping behind the bleachers at lunch time.

It was reported that Brad wasn’t going to go to the premiere of his movie Allied in L.A. tonight, but People says that he will be there. It’s going to be real awkward for Brad to pose next to his unborn baby growing inside of Marion Cotillard’s body. I need an escandalo right now, okay?

Pic: AP