The steaming hot mom dancing machine who nearly shattered all of the lights and camera lenses with her scorching moves during a Warriors game at the Oracle Arena in Oakland, CA!

During the Warriors v. Mavericks game on Wednesday, some child in the Bay Area, who was watching at home, probably screamed, “MOM!!!“, followed by, “…I have never been prouder to be your child!” Adam Levine and everyone else who wrote that annoying Moves Like Jagger song are working hard today to update that shit to Moves Like Warriors Mom. And it’s all because of this  hero Warriors fan in an ugly sweater who served up more moves than a dad in pulled-up cargo pants at a West Virginia club.

Bleacher Report gifted the internet with a clip that would’ve been illegal to watch recreationally in CA before Prop 64 passed, because it will get you high…. And it will also make you crave nachos, because watching this Dance Mom work it out and burn a million calories has made me hungry. This Martha Graham with a Costco card churns out moves we’ve seen before and moves we’ve never seen before. She’s like a Vogue-ing funky chicken whose raising the roof while riding a bucking rodeo horse. If there was a See ‘n Say for dance moves and it became a human and that human did a lot of molly, it would move like this hot mom. This is what happens when mom accidentally takes NoDoz instead of her One-A-Day multi-vitamin.

Whose moms is this??? pic.twitter.com/DsWkzYhokO

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) November 10, 2016

Don’t dance like nobody’s watching. Dance like you’re on the Jumbotron. This legendary mom dancer gets it!

Leonardo DiCaprio (42)
Tye Sheridan (20)
Trey Smith (24)
Christa B. Allen (25)
Vinny Guadagnino (29)
Chanelle Hayes (29)
Mark Sanchez (30)
Jessica Sierra (31)
Brittny Gastineau (34)
Jason White (43)
Adam Beach (44)
Tyler Christopher (44)
David DeLuise (45)
Richie Rich (46)
Carson Kressley (47)
Calista Flockhart (52)
Demi Moore (54)
Jane Pratt (54)
Stanley Tucci (56)
Lisa Welch (56)
Ian Craig Marsh of The Human League (60)
Andy Partridge (63)
Marc Summers (65)
Bibi Andersson (81)
June Whitfield (91)

Pic: Pinterest

2016 is squeezing out more shit news until the very end (or until every one of us launches ourselves off of this planet. Either or.) Fuck this year, officially.

The legendary Canadian poet, singer, songwriter and Buddhist monk (for real) Leonard Cohen died today at the age of 82. His cause of death hasn’t been released yet. The news was announced on his Facebook page tonight:

It is with profound sorrow we report that legendary poet, songwriter and artist, Leonard Cohen has passed away.

We have lost one of music’s most revered and prolific visionaries.

A memorial will take place in Los Angeles at a later date. The family requests privacy during their time of grief.

Rolling Stone says that after graduating from McGill University, Leonard moved to the Greek island of Hydra where he wrote and published several books of poetry including Beautiful Losers (aka the book that some of us read out loud in high school while lying on the carpet and passing a cigarette with friends). His songwriting career was born in 1966 when he visited NYC and met Judy Collins, who recorded two of his songs for her album. He wrote more songs Judy and also songs for Willie Nelson and James Taylor before singing his own stuff.

In his musical career, which lasted nearly 50 years, he released just 14 studio albums. That seems like nothing since nowadays, pop tricks burp up an album every 12 months. His last album You Want It Darker came out this year. When it was released, Leonard did an interview with the New Yorker and said that he was in a bad way health-wise. Most know Leonard Cohen from his song Hallelujah. It came out in 1984 and has been covered by absolutely every single person who has ever sung a musical note. Hallelujah is definitely his most famous song, but I’m going to leave you with one of my favorites.

Rest in peace, Leonard Cohen.

The trailer for Luc Besson’s Valerian is out and it’s what would be born if Star Wars busted a load into Avatar’s mouth and Avatar spit that load into The Fifth Element’s cooch. Oh, and it’s also got RiRi as an alien Sally Bowles. In other words, it’s nerd porn and theater queen porn – Lainey Gossip 

Yolanda Foster compared Lyme disease to HIV. That’s going to go over well, Yolo – Reality Tea

My guess is that soon, the only thing Teresa Giudice will be driving will be her kid’s tricycle after her Ford and all of the other cars she can’t afford get repossessed – Reality Tea 

“Ugh, I have more personality than her and yet I’m the one who’s not in focus in this picture?” – that parking meter – The Superficial 

And here’s Michelle Monaghan in a two-piece – Drunken Stepfather

I didn’t know that Miley Cyrus was also working as Tove Lo’s stylist – (site NSFW) The Nip Slip

Kaley Cuoco’s dog looks embarrassed to be seen in that tie and I don’t blame the pooch – Popoholic

Sarah Palin is reportedly on the short list for Secretary of the Interior, which is funny since I doubt she can even spell that – Towleroad

Alessandra Ambrosio is wearing an arm bra – Hollywood Tuna

Stock up on as much weed as you can, Toronto, because Snoop Dogg may be headed your way for good – OMG Blog

Scott Eastwood’s nipples, because sure, why not? – Popsugar

That Donald Trump SVU episode will most likely never ever be seen – Pajiba

Drake showered Taylor Swift’s pussy with gifts – IDLYITW

Jennifer Lawrence shit on Jabba the Trump in an open letter about what’s happened – Just Jared

Pic: YouTube

Two days after Prince Hot Ginge confirmed that he’s full-time doing Meghan Markle and asked the tabloids to stop being a mess, he sashayed before his subjects in his uniform at Westminster Abbey’s Field of Remembrance. The Telegraph says that PHG wore his hot Household Division frock coat while laying small wooden crosses in memory of those who died while fighting for Britain. PHG was there with his grandaddy Prince Philip. And I’m sure Prince Philip kept shushing the disrespectful tricks who wouldn’t stop cooing while watching PHG walk in those cha cha heels. If I was there and Prince Philip snapped at me to stop howling, I’d have to tell him it’s not my mouth howling, it’s my b-hole and I can’t control that.

UsWeekly says that PHG’s American girlfriend Meghan Markle is in London right now. She’s on a short hiatus from her show Suits. The source says she’s staying at PHG’s place at Kensington Palace. The source also dribbled out this eye roll-inducing stream of pure sap:

“Meghan was able to find time to visit Harry. It won’t be a long visit as they both have packed schedules, but they’re always so happy to be together. They have so much in common. You can’t not fall in love with them as a couple after spending time around them together.”

Once I finished dry heaving over the cheesiness of that last line, I realized something. If Meghan is there right now, then she was probably at his place when he came home… in uniform. So she probably got to do him while he kept his hat and cha cha heels on, and as Up Where We Belong played in the background. She’s living a fanfic dream, only it’s real. Damn her!

Pics: Wenn.com

FINALLY! Some gla-moooor!

At last night’s screening for Allied (which sadly isn’t a thrilling biopic about the moving company) in L.A., the movie’s stars, Marion Cotillard and Brad Pitt, showed up looking like Boring and Boring-er. Those two are useless! But at least someone knows that these are dark and scary times we’re living in and what the people need as a temporary distraction is some raw glamour! That was provided by director Robert Zemeckis’ wife of 15 years, actress, writer, documentarian and burlesque aficionado Leslie Zemeckis.

Leslie looks like she’s about to lean up against a grand piano and coo out “The Man That Got Away” in a smoky club for an audience that includes the mysterious police detective her mob boss husband warned her to stay away from. Leslie looks like the long-lost sister of Joan and Jackie Collins’ who is also Rita Hayworth’s biggest fan. I bet that when Leslie slowly took off her glove to stir her martini with her finger at the bar, every man, woman and potted plant within 50 feet of her passed out. Let them have it, Leslie!

Pics: Wenn.com