The 65-part (I’m guessing) reunion for the 12th season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills starts airing next week. And while Erika Jayne didn’t really manage to get the glowing edit she probably wanted after her estranged husband, Tom Girardi‘s, legal troubles plagued her all last season, she’s probably excited to see that the real story at this year’s reunion won’t be whether or not she was involved with his financial schemes, but will instead be an analysis of just how much of a manipulative bitch is Lisa Rinna. The trailer is out and features Friend of the Housewives, Kathy Hilton, ripping into a fully plumped-up and bronzed Lisa with a gusto that I’m sure she usually reserves for the hired help!

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Aphrodite is technically the goddess of love, but for me, the goddess of love has always been Judy Tenuta! The comedian and accordion legend, who called herself The Love Goddess and the Aphrodite of the Accordion, died at her home in Studio City, CA yesterday. Judy was 56 years old (okay, Judy was really 72 years old but she doesn’t want you to know that!).

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The ongoing mystery surrounding Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen‘s crumbling marriage can now be solved; it’s definitely over. Gisele pleaded with Tom for many years to stay home with the family and finally break it off with his other woman, football, and he agreed to finally retire. Then he remembered “I’m Tom Fuckin’ Bady!” and rescinded his retirement offer. This, of course, put a huge strain on their marriage, and whispers of an impending separation got louder as the season continued. But now, Gisele is ready for one final strut down the catwalk out of Tom’s life (after he lied to her, of course) by hiring a divorce lawyer and her decision has caused Tom to develop a case of The Sads.

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It takes a lot to get on the side of the “well-rested, happy” Real Housewives of New York alum Bethenny Frankel; but lately, she’s been spending her time on TikTok, reviewing beauty products, and railing against Instagram filter culture and the KarJenners. And while I’m apprehensive about giving her any credit due to the vast amount of dumb shit that’s come out of her talk-hole in the past, valid points have been made recently. In her newest KarJenner rant, she came for Kylie Jenner’s company, Kylie Cosmetics, and their quest to scam sweet morons out of their hard-earned cash by charging $117 more for makeup that comes in a special paper box vs. the exact same products without the box.

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Here’s the teaser trailer for the Super Mario Bros. movie that features the voices of Chris Pratt (as Mario), Charlie Day (as Luigi), Jack Black (as Bowser), Keegan-Michael Key as Toad, and Anya Taylor-Joy (as Princess Peach). A few months ago, Chris Pratt threatened our ears by saying that his Mario voice is “unlike anything you’ve heard in the Mario World before.” Well, turns out that Mario World has never heard the voice of Chris Pratt before because his Mario sounds just like Chris Pratt (with a lukewarm serving of Bradley Cooper’s Rocket Racoon voice). To think, Mario World was a peaceful and lovely place until it was tainted and terrorized by the sound of Chris Pratt’s regular voice!  – Pajiba

Gisele Bundchen is apparently waiting for Tom Brady to make a “grand gesture of support to her.” Good luck with that, Gis. It will take a while for Tom Brady to look up the word “gesture” to see what it means. And even after he looks up the meaning of the word, he’ll probably still show up on Gis’ doorstep in a jester costume and be like, “Is this what you wanted?” – Celebitchy

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