Night Crumbs
Here’s the teaser trailer for the Super Mario Bros. movie that features the voices of Chris Pratt (as Mario), Charlie Day (as Luigi), Jack Black (as Bowser), Keegan-Michael Key as Toad, and Anya Taylor-Joy (as Princess Peach). A few months ago, Chris Pratt threatened our ears by saying that his Mario voice is “unlike anything you’ve heard in the Mario World before.” Well, turns out that Mario World has never heard the voice of Chris Pratt before because his Mario sounds just like Chris Pratt (with a lukewarm serving of Bradley Cooper’s Rocket Racoon voice). To think, Mario World was a peaceful and lovely place until it was tainted and terrorized by the sound of Chris Pratt’s regular voice! – Pajiba
Gisele Bundchen is apparently waiting for Tom Brady to make a “grand gesture of support to her.” Good luck with that, Gis. It will take a while for Tom Brady to look up the word “gesture” to see what it means. And even after he looks up the meaning of the word, he’ll probably still show up on Gis’ doorstep in a jester costume and be like, “Is this what you wanted?” – Celebitchy
Bethenny Frankel is suing TikTok, alleging that they used a video of hers in an ad without permission. Okay, but what on earth was TikTok using a Bethenny video to promote? Xanax, since every time I see a Bethenny Frankel video, I reach for a bottle of some? – Us Weekly
Steady yourself by grabbing onto something sturdy, because this news may make you break your ass bone after collapsing with shock. The highly-esteemed journal known as The Daily Mail has been accused of pulling shady moves, like phone tapping, to get stories, and its publisher is now facing a lawsuit from a group that includes Elton John, Elizabeth Hurley, Prince Harry, and Sadie Frost – NBC News
Keanu Reeves worked “businessman commuting to work on the bus” chic while paying a visit to Jimmy Kimmel Live! – Lainey Gossip
Wynonna Judd shit on the rumor that she and Ashley Judd are fighting over their late mom Naomi Judd’s estate, saying that they both have great lives and there’s no reason for them to fight over money – Just Jared
So if you were wondering if Britney Spears accepted her mom’s social media apology to her, she responded with “go fuck yourself” so I think it’s safe to say that she didn’t – Yahoo! News
Like Shawn Mendes before him, Justin Bieber is stepping away from his world tour to deal with health issues – Billboard
Theater screens may soon be filled with a ghost chorus doing the dysentery kickline because the legendary Oregon Trail game is being turned into a movie musical – Collider
And finally, some fucking good news for once! John Waters will make his triumphant return to movie-making – Deadline