Emily Ratajkowski Defends Her Millionaire Husband For Not Paying Rent. He’s An Activist Artiste Making A Statement, Okay!?!
I see you privileged bitches laughing, heaving, and rolling your eyes over struggling chonies model Emily RideAJetSki (reported net worth: $6 million) and her struggling filmmaker husband Sebastian Bear-Mcclard (reported net worth: $12 million) using a struggling artists loophole to get out of paying rent on his Manhattan loft. How dare you! You’re sitting there on your working desk chair, sipping your luxurious Dunkin’ Donuts coffee while wearing a lush Old Navy cardigan as Emily and Sebastian try to keep their berets (because their artistes!) from falling off their heads as they tussle with a rat who stole their last crumb!
We knew that Emily is thirsty (see: her Instagram page), but earlier this month we learned that she and her husband are starving, specifically starving artists who owe his landlord $120,000 in unpaid rent on the NoHo loft he’s lived in since 2013. There’s a law in New York that keeps landlords from kicking out poor artists and other tenants who don’t pay rent on apartments that don’t have a certificate of occupancy or have fire/smoke alarms, etc… Sebastian’s building doesn’t, so in 2017, he used that law to stop paying his monthly $4,900 rent. Emily has now decided to say words about that and she claims her husband isn’t rich and is standing up to THE MAN. It probably took Emily so long to respond because she’s so poor she can’t afford internet or phone service on her iPhone XS Max and it took her a while to figure out the neighbor’s WiFi password (which is: FuckThoseRichBitchesNextDoor666).
Ashton Kutcher would like to talk to you. And you, and you, and you, not you, and you! He recently posted his “personal” phone number on Twitter and asked the general public to reach out to him. He wants to have “a real connection” and I guess if that means receiving pictures of your dog’s vagina, so be it. Unfortunately, the number’s gone now. While Aston did interact personally with a number of fans, he deleted his post and blamed fragile “sms” servers for his retraction. But was Ashton really just a lonely soul, shivering away in our cold, impersonal digital landscape? Anyone who believed that must have missed his previous post where he announced he was changing his “social media strategy”. According to Wired, his heartfelt plea for connection was nothing more than a phishing scam. Somewhere Justin Timberlake’s crying his eyes out again.
Back in April, Ja Rule’s Lord of the Flies-style island disaster the Fyre Festival went viral. A lot of people involved have gotten in a huge amount of trouble. But I’ll admit, duping rich millennials into forking over thousands of dollars for shitty tents and cheese sandwiches was a pretty good scam. I didn’t think anyone would be able to top it too quickly. Wouldn’t you know, less than a year later someone is trying, and their scam is even more simple; just target the ones who fell for the Fyre Festival.