Open Post: Hosted By Some Of The “Real Housewives” Paying Tribute To Plastic Surgery In An Ad For Fiber One
I can’t stand when celebrities pretend they’ve never had plastic surgery before. Like we’re all so dumb not to realize your face hasn’t moved since the 90s? Hell, most celebrities can’t pass by the mirrors in their own homes without jumping back in fear because even they don’t recognize themselves. Well that’s not the issue for a few ladies from the Real Housewives franchise, because they want you to know, “None of this shit is real!“, by starring in a music video/commercial for Fiber One revealing that they’ve done it before and they will do it again. Yes, the Housewives are declaring their love for plastic surgery while getting a check to hawk shit-tasting bowel biscuits. This might be peak sponcon.
Baby showers have always seemed like a dull concept to me ever since the most radical thing Miranda had at hers on Sex And The City was fried chicken and a diaper tree (eh, I guess the two go hand-in-hand). However, if you remotely know anyone with a working social media account, you couldn’t escape Andy Cohen’s baby shower over the weekend, hosted by OG Real Housewives NeNe Leakes, Vicki Gunvalson, Kyle Richards, Ramona Singer, and Teresa Giudice. Well, by host, that means those five all gave speeches at Beverly Hills outpost of The Palm, owned by Andy’s friend Bruce Bozzi. Alas, this day was not about Andy’s soon-to-arrive baby boy (I don’t think I saw much reference to children). This was about middle-aged women tossing back Chardonnay and Vicodin cocktails, dancing on tables (this is The Palm! Not Coyote Ugly!), and dropping f-bombs and acid…all on camera, of course.
Chalk this up for one I would never have seen coming, even if it was written in Live Journal fan fiction form. Al B. Sure! was performing in Harlem Sunday at “The Kings And Queens Of New Jack Swing” concert, where Danielle Staub of Real Housewives of New Jersey was somehow a guest. I would normally take that as Danielle just looking to avoid spending time with her live-in estranged husband, but I guess she was up that way to lock lips with Al B – and, for once, this Housewives dalliance didn’t take place at the Regency!
I’ve always wanted to spend part of my life like Diane Lane in Under The Tuscan Sun: slightly jaded, doing time in Italy, and guzzling all the wine. A judge gave Juicy Joe just that opportunity last week by ruling that JJ (also known as Joe Giudice) will have to return to Italy after his prison sentence for bankruptcy fraud and tax evasion is up in 2019 and not in front of a camera for Real Housewives Of New Jersey like his wife, Teresa Giudice, did after her time in the slammer. They served consecutive prison sentences, but unlike Tre, Joe isn’t a U.S. citizen since his parents brought him here from Italy when he was only a one-year-old. There was always the threat of this, but now that it’s official, the Giudice clan is speaking out.
Just when you thought the return of Danielle Staub would be the messiest thing to happen on Real Housewives Of New Jersey, the Giudice family STILL manages to bellow out, “Uhhh…hold my beer.” Joe and Teresa Giudice wowed us all from the very first season with their classy penchant for Ed Hardy T-shirts and ability to tell their interior decorator, “We want onyx and marble EVERYWHERE!” The IRS was equally as wowed and handed their asses prison sentences for bankruptcy fraud and tax evasion. While Teresa served her time and is back on Bravo (because duh), Joe is still in prison, and there has been the question of whether he would get deported back to Italy since he’s not a U.S. citizen. That was answered today because a judge has ruled he better have enjoyed reading Eat, Pray, Love because he’ll be forced to live in the “Eat” portion as soon as he’s released.
If you hear a banshee cackle across Greater Los Angeles today, it’s Kris Jennerwriting up new plotlines for Keeping Up With The Kardashians, per usual. If you hear TWO banshee cackles, it’s because Kim Kardashian may no longer be the reality TV trick with the shortest marriage. I hope you are sitting down for the latest case in “True Love Doesn’t Exist.” It appears that after two months of wedded…uh…opposite-of-bliss, Danielle Staub and new hubby Marty Caffrey are squabbling, and he even blabbed he wanted a divorce! Continue reading