Nobody is safe on House Of Cards. You either (SPOILER ALERT) get fucked and chucked in front a subway, fucked and whacked in a desert, or fucked to death by the fireplace. In short, never have sexual intercourse on House Of Cards, or you’re going to die. The cast roster always has to get replenished on the show, especially now that Kevin Spacey was fired for his alleged predatory behavior, and Diane Lane and Greg Kinnear will be picking up where Kev, Neve Campbell, and a laundry list of others left off. Continue reading
Former champion booze brawler and Ryan Gosling’s fake ass accent-derider Josh Brolin got married to his former assistant yesterday. UsWeekly reports that Babs Streisand’s step-son wed Kathryn Boyd in a romantic ceremony in Cashiers, North Carolina. The guests included Babs and Josh’s dad James Brolin, the newly man-bunned Bradley Cooper, and Jimmy Kimmel’s not-so-secret sidepiece Matt Damon.
Josh and Kathryn began dating in March of 2013, which was only a month after UsWeekly confirmed he and his ex-wife Diane Lane had split. In a related inquiry, does anyone know if Tom Hardy is looking to hire a new assistant? Unfortunately, I got a D in Typing For Business in high school, but I have a host of other talents that don’t require pecking away at a keyboard, if you smell what I’m stepping in.
Josh isn’t just famous for his pretty good Tommy Lee Jones impression in otherwise shitty movies with no reason for existing. He had a notorious tendency to get thwacked and engage in ridiculous (and public) slapfights. He was also arrested for spousal battery in 2004 after ex-wife Diane rang up the police to report that he allegedly hit her. She didn’t file charges and the couple’s spokesperson claimed that it was a misunderstanding and that they were embarrassed the matter went this far.
Josh checked into rehab in November of 2013. The couple were engaged in May of last year. Best of luck, you two.
In other news, it turns out that Josh looks good nekkid if you stand several feet away and he’s sitting in such a way that his thigh is presented in the best possible trailer park light.
Cate Blanchett was at the Tony Awards in NYC last night, because she’s making her Broadway debut later this year in a show that isn’t Hamilton. (I know, why are other shows even bothering?) Judging by that butchered-up look on Cate Blanchett’s body, I’m guessing that she was also there, because she knew that most thi-turr people play it safe by wearing the most boring dress at Lord & Taylor, so she needed to give the public something that’ll hurt their eyeballs and make their retinas curl. Thank you, Cate!
And here I was thinking that they divorced a long time ago and she was dating one of the dudes from Murder by Numbers. But that was just me confusing them with Sean Penn and Robin Wright.
Josh Brolin and Diane Lane announced today that they are breaking up after being married for 8 years. The rep let UsWeekly know that their split isn’t dramatic or ugly or escandaloso (which means that their split was probably dramatic, ugly and escandaloso).
“Diane Lane and Josh Brolin have decided to end their marriage. It was a mutual decision. It is very amicable. It’s not ugly, it’s just over.”
Josh and Diane didn’t have any kids together. Josh has two kids with his first wife and Diane has a daughter with her first husband Christopher Lambert.
Josh has been arrested a couple of times for being a drunken mess in public and he was arrested in 2004 for spousal battery. Diane did not press charges and said the whole thing was a misunderstanding.
So lock up your booze cabinets and get ready, because the drunk mess that is Josh Brolin is really going to go wild now that his wedding ring is off. Josh is going guzzle and fuck until he passes out and then he’s going to get up and do it all over again. So try not to pass out from shock when you wake up and read the headline: “Police Called To The Plaza Hotel After Josh Brolin Trashes A Room, Lindsay Lohan Found Locked In The Bathroom.”