Let’s see, a dusty, raggedy, hungry hole of doom that men will run from at first sight? Why it’s like looking into a mirror… while back down/legs up.
If you’re in certain parts of California, you can look outside of your window and see scenes straight out of Dune thanks to the demonic wildfires. But for others, the trailer for Denis Villeneuve’s take on Frank Herbert’s novel Dune came out today and it’s very Weekend At Burning Man. And I’m sure many a hard-trick are throwing death glares at the grains of sand because millions of them probably got up in Jason Momoa’s crotch during the filming of this. Speaking of Jason, he’s actually not the best part of the trailer. That title solely belongs to the no-no-faced sandworm above. Although, it’s not the biggest asshole in the movie. I mean, Josh Brolin is in this after all.
On a past episode of Dlisted: The Podcast, Allison and I wrapped our brains around sundried butt blossoms while talking about butthole sunbathing, the ancient Taoist practice where you supposedly get a big shot of Vitamin D by presenting your hole to the sun for 30 seconds. While I am a thorough believer in lifting your hole up in the air for some hot D, Allison and I both said that we think butthole sunbathing is a fried turd out of a sunburnt asshole. But others are willing to risk their bare asshole getting stung by a bee in the name of wellness. One of those others was Josh Brolin who claimed that he got bareback butt fucked by the sun’s rays and now his b-hole is playing Dolly Parton’s Baby, I’m Burning. Strangely enough, that’s the #1 played song on my b-hole too (my BrownSpotify list), but for totally different reasons.
Say what you will about Hillsong Church’s anti-LGBTQ views and cringe-inducing pastors, but its contributions to the arts, specifically in the art of soul-stirring poetry, simply cannot be dismissed. Hillsong devotee and burgeoning bard Justin Bieber has been bested in verse by his brother in worship, Chris Pratt. Chris posted a poem he “found” on Instagram which not only affirms his political affiliations (he’s writing in God for 2020), it contains a rhyme scheme so intricate and unique, mere mortals are unable to detect it. #RhymesOnlyAngelsCanHear
The Dune remake that’s set to star everybody’s favorite little peach fucker Timothée Chalamet is about to get a hot beef injection with the addition of everybody’s favorite fish-man (sorry James Cameron, you lose again!) Jason Momoa. Jason will be playing the character of sword-master (tee-hee) Duncan Idaho. According to Deadline:
Momoa joins an already stellar cast of Timothée Chalamet, Rebecca Ferguson, Zendaya, Oscar Isaac, Dave Bautista, Stellan Skarsgård, Charlotte Rampling, Javier Bardem, and Josh Brolin. The script was written by (Denis) Villeneuve, Eric Roth and Jon Spaihts.
I tried to read Dune once and it did not go well (I kept falling asleep). I also tried to watch the 1984 David Lynch one, and that did not go well either (I fell asleep). Then my nerdy ass husband tried to make me watch the miniseries from 2000 that was on the Sci-Fi Channel and well, I think you can guess how that went (you guys, it was so boring and I was really tired, ok). Therefore, I only know enough about Dune to make jokes about spice eyes and sand worms. Which is plenty good enough for me! Thank god for Wikipedia though. I can tell you that Jason probably won’t have to cut off his hair and get divorced from Lisa Bonet, because according to the 1965 novel, Duncan is described as “a handsome man with ‘curling black hair’ to whom women are easily attracted”. So it sounds like they hit the nail on the head there.
If Hollywood had its own encyclopedia, there would most likely a little sub-chapter at the end of the chapter on actors titled “Allegedly Abusive Assholes.” You’d most likely find Josh Brolin in there, although you’d be hard pressed to find his thoughts on the matter. He’s never really spoken about his 2004 arrest for spousal battery against his then-wife Diane Lane. He was recently asked about that arrest, and he made it clear he’s really not that interested in explaining himself.
Things don’t sound too chummy between Josh Brolin and CGI-loving director James Cameron. Not that I ever assumed they were friends, but now I know they’re definitely not. Instead, things are awkward between them, and it’s all Avatar’s fault. I’m sure Avatar has caused many a fight between friends, family, and colleagues, but those were probably caused by arguments over how terrible that movie was. That’s not what Josh and James are salty about (well, not technically).