Christian Bale Pissed Off Dick Cheney’s Daughter After Thanking Satan For Inspiring His Performance In “Vice”
If you stayed up last night rotting your brain with rich people awkwardly thanking each other for being fabulous while getting drunk off Moet (AKA the Golden Globes), then you saw Christian Bale win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical for his role as Dick Cheney in Vice. During his semi-awkward and messy (weren’t they all) acceptance speech, he thanked a plethora of people, but he did make one notable call out who (despite his involvement behind the scenes) is not normally thanked at American award shows: Satan.
I love how little kids still believe in Santa Claus. It is so endearing and sweet. But you know what isn’t though? Grown ass men who believe comic book characters are living, breathing people. Please show them to the nearest straitjacket suite with padded walls immediately. And while you’re rounding them up add YOUR president, Donald Trump, to the list for believing that Batman is real. Or in this case his alter ego Bruce Wayne.
If there’s one thing we know Christian Bale can do, it’s shape-shift for the sake of a part. He basically lived on a nutrition plan of mouthwash and diet pills to drop 65 pounds for his role in The Machinist. And even when he looked like a praying mantis, I’d still hit it. Then he packed on the muscle to give us all a good panty cream when he was Batman. So when he showed up to the Toronto International Film Festival looking a tad paunchy, we knew it was for a juicy part. Sadly, it isn’t Hollywood giving us the Nintendo Kirby’s Dream Land movie we all want and deserve. It’s all part of his transformation into Dick Cheney. Christian sat down with Variety while at TIFF, and he made me green with fucking envy when he spilled his secret to getting into the part: It’s pie!
— Variety (@Variety) September 12, 2017
Who knew all it took was heaps of my mom’s key lime and pecan pies at Thanksgiving to look like our under-the-table president from the Bush years? If Christian was smart, he would say he’s been getting into character for years, and that would explain why he was such a dick on the set of Terminator Salvation since, well, Dick wasn’t exactly known for being a pocketful of sunshine! The Cheney flick doesn’t have a title yet, but we know Amy Adams will play his wife, Lynne Cheney. This sounds all fine and dandy, but Christian is known to go very method. His friends better think twice the next time he asks them to go quail hunting!
Check out the gallery below for Christian and wife Sibi Blazic at TIFF on Tuesday night:
Everybody knows Christian Bale is one of those method actors who loves to go all in on extreme physical transformations for his roles. As previously reported, Christian is set to play Dick Cheney in an upcoming Adam Mckay joint and from the looks of things, he’s already been sucking up milk shakes and skipping leg day (and arm day, and ab day, and basically every day but donut day) at the gym. Above is what Christian Bale looked like back in April. Here’s what he looks like now:
— E! News (@enews) September 7, 2017
Sigh. I so wish Dear Leader Michael K could be here to weigh-in on this emerging eyebrow situation but since needs must, I will do my best. Did Christian get a skin graft and move his eyebrow skin to his upper lip and his butt skin to his brows? If you look at the side to side picture comparison, Dick has fucking eyebrows to go with his evil beady-little eyes, so why come did Christian do this to his face? He’s got the smirk werkin, though, I’ll give him that. But I’m really confused by the brows. I think Christian is pranking up, and his next movie is actually a remake of 1995’s Powder.
During Oscar bait season next year, you’ll be able to escape the nightmare reality of this world with a feel-good Dick Cheney biopic! Oscar-nominated writer/director Adam McKay (who directed Step Brothers, Anchorman, Talladega Nights and The Big Short) has been working on a Dick Cheney movie, and Deadline says that he is talking to Christian Bale about taking on Dick. Adam is probably talking to Daniel Day-Lewis about playing the friend that Dick Cheney accidentally shot during a quail hunt. Because DDL is the only true thespian who’d say, “I’m offended that you think I wouldn’t, sir!”, after fellow method actor Christian Bale asks to shoot him for real during their scene.
Terence Malick is one of those directors whom film buffs revere, and famous actors practically offer to chop off limbs (just not the face, dahling) for the chance to work with him. Those actors he casts are often disappointed when they view the finished product, because Terence is not sharing fucks when it comes to cutting big names out of his films. Ask Adrien Brody about The Thin Red Line sometime. Speaking of Adrien, Christian Bale might want to ping him to find out where the next meeting of the “Terence Malick Cut Me Out Of His Movie” support group is being held, because Terence also gave him the chop from his latest picture, according to The Wrap.