Category: Darren Aronofsky

Jennifer Lawrence Could Only Stand To Watch Three Minutes Of “Phantom Thread” 

February 27, 2018 / Posted by:

The scotch drinking fart monster Jennifer Lawrence is still making the rounds promoting Red Sparrow and used an appearance on Marc Maron’s WTF podcast to shit on Phantom Thread and prove, once again, that’s she’s not like other girls. Oh, you like movies about couture gowns by auteur directors, isn’t that cute. Jennifer doesn’t. She likes The Three Stooges movies and fucking auteur directors. Top that!

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Suki Waterhouse Denies She’s Getting With Darren Aronofsky

January 26, 2018 / Posted by:

You hear that? That’s the sound of snarky hope vanishing into thin air. It appears we won’t be treated to the eye-rolling delights of a hand-jobby magazine interview in which Suki Waterhouse gushes about how “inspiredDarren Aronofsky is, or hearing Darren call Suki the Scottie Pippen of acting (JLaw is the Michael Jordan, remember). At least not anytime soon, because for the time being, Suki and Darren deny they’re dating.

Earlier this week, 26-year-old Suki and 48-year-old Darren were seen walking together at the Sundance Film Festival. All signs pointed to suspicious possible-hookup activity. A source also squealed to UsWeekly that Suki had shown up to Darren’s place two nights in a row while at Sundance, and that Darren was talking about her to friends on the plane ride home.

A source tells UsWeekly exclusively, “Darren is very into her and was telling friends how sweet and hot she was on his plane ride back.”

Darren was at Sundance to promote the VR project Spheres: Songs of Spacetime, and Suki was there to promote the movie she attempts to act in, Assassination Nation.

Suki and Darren’s reps both denied to Gossip Cop that they’re dating. Suki’s rep says, “They are not a couple and they are not dating.” Darren’s rep called all the stories about him and Suki “crazy,” and adds that, “There’s no romantic involvement whatsoever.

I guess UsWeekly’s source must have misheard Darren when he was talking to his friends on that airplane. Maybe he was talking about some hot, sweet sushi he ate while in Sundance. Yeah, that must be it. Everyone eats their sushi hot from the oven and dipped in syrup, right?


Darren Aronofsky Might Have Moved On To Suki Waterhouse

January 23, 2018 / Posted by:

The last time we checked in on Darren Aronofsky and Jennifer Lawrence, they were reportedly giving their relationship another shot. That was a few days before Christmas. Something may have happened since then, because a month later, it appears 48-year-old Darren is now hand-holding in front of the paps with 26-year-old Suki Waterhouse. The Daily Mail posted pictures of Darren and Suki strolling around Park City, UT during the Sundance Film Festival. New year, same dating age bracket for Darren.

Suki was most recently linked to Diego Luna. Before that, she was with Bradley Cooper. Darren likes to date actresses he works with, and Suki has been trying for a while to be an actress. So maybe Darren has a secret new project in the works that Suki has signed on for? I look forward to whatever that project may be, since it can’t be worse than mother!, right? No really, please, I don’t think we could handle something worse.

The Daily Mail says that Darren and Suki were practically “attached at the hip” while walking in Park City. Normally I’d be the first to scream “THEY’RE DOING IT,” but the fact their walk too place in January in Utah has me a little skeptical. If you’ve ever walked around in the snow, you know that at any minute a patch of ice can appear and you’re on your ass. If I’m walking next to you in the snow, I’m staying close enough to make it seem like we share an umbilical cord.


Jennifer Lawrence Might Be Back With Daren Arrogant-ofsky

December 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Everything about mother! seemed terrible: the box office performance and the fact that Jennifer Lawrence had to go home each night and hear Darren Aronosky talk about nothing but that damn movie. But I guess she forgot about that miserable time because those two went for a walk this week. Naturally that means they’re back to doing it.  Continue reading

Darren Aronofsky Was The One Who Broke Up With Jennifer Lawrence

November 30, 2017 / Posted by:

(Arrested Development voice) Him? That’s what a source who spoke to InTouch claims. Darren Aronofsky reportedly “pulled the plug” on his relationship with Jennifer Lawrence. According to InTouch’s source, Jennifer really, really loved Darren and thought they were going to get married. The source claims the two had conversations about moving into Jennifer’s Beverly Hills mansion and spending the rest of their lives together. That surprises me. It was my understanding that Darren’s conversation skills were limited solely to dissecting the piss-poor mother! reviews.

InTouch’s source says the break-up came down to kids. Specifically, 27-year-old Jennifer eventually wants them and 48-year-old Darren wasn’t so sure. Darren already has an 11-year-old son with Rachel Weisz, and was reluctant to have any more. Jennifer also wanted to take some time off from Hollywood, so he broke up with her. I wonder how a breakup orchestrated by Darren Aronofsky would go? I’m picturing a record playing backwards screechy violin music in a room lit with a single overhead flickering fluorescent light and “It’s Over” spelled out on a steel table in pills.

Hearing that Darren and Jennifer allegedly broke up based on their incompatible feelings about children reinforces my theory that transparency is so important in relationships. And it should start early! Ideally, every first date would start with a clear list of likes, like it did on MTV’s Next. Knowing if someone wants kids or idolizes Ryan Seacrest is the sort of information you should really have up front.


Pics:, MTV via YouTube

Jennifer Lawrence Didn’t Want To Talk About “mother!” As Much As Darren Aronofsky Did

November 28, 2017 / Posted by:

Jennifer Lawrence and Darren Aronoksky always felt extremely random. It seemed that the only thing they had in common was mother!, the film they made together. Well, they’re not together anymore, and as it turns out, they were barely even bonded over mother! talk while they were still together.

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