The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS For March 24th!

March 25, 2015 / Posted by:

The other type of MILF porn: Monuments I’d Like To Fuck. – Shadeball

Upvote winner:

Lincoln, taking another shot to the head. – pamorama_j

Note: In this picture of a guy face fucking a statue, I pixelated his ass, because I figured the sight of an uncensored crack would just be INDECENT and NSFW. I know, I should’ve pixelated his socks instead since that’s the most offensive part. Whatever happened to romance? Click here if you really want to see this dude’s butt crack.

Pic: @jbasher

Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 25, 2015 / Posted by:

The big gay sweater!

Judging by the looks of that cardigan, you’d probably call it the great big hobo grandpa sweater or the great big ugly sweater. But the creators of it call it the gayest sweater around (I guess they’ve never seen my gorgeous v-neck Dollywood sweater) and say it’s okay to call it “so gay,” because it’s made of hair from 100 gay people. Mohair is out, homohair is so IN! The Canadian Centre for Gender and Sexual Diversity came up with the idea for the gay hair sweater to “encourage people to use the word ‘gay’ in the right way.” via CBC News:

The Gay Sweater Project, spearheaded by the Canadian Centre for Gender and Sexual Diversity, aims to spread the message that words like “gay” shouldn’t be used in any derogatory ways. The initiative is part of the centre’s mission to combat bullying and discrimination in schools and youth communities.

“I would love to grow up in a world where ‘That’s so gay’ wasn’t a thing,” said CCGSD director Jeremy Dias in a YouTube video unveiling the creation.

The homohair cardigan will makes its debut at Toronto Fashion Week.

I have a few questions. I’m all for clothes made of homohair, because I’ve been wearing homohair ever since I was able to grow hair. But I want to know if it’s head hair or not. If it is head hair, then I can’t wear that sweater. Call me a GOOP, but I cannot wear a sweater made from hair that’s been chemically treated and/or touched with hairspray. I can only wear fresh hair from butt cracks and dick areas. Call me a purist, or a pubist.

Somewhere, Taylor Swift is letting out a “pfft” over this sweater, because she has a closetful of sweaters, cardigans, onesies, bikinis and dresses made from the hair she took from her boyfriends as they slept.

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Birthday Sluts

March 25, 2015 / Posted by:

Sarah Jessica Parker (50)
Aly Michalka (26)
Ryan Lewis (27)
Big Sean (27)
Jason Castro (28)
Katharine McPhee (31)
Sean Faris (33)
Danica Patrick (33)
Jenny Slate (33)
Lee Pace (36)
Édgar Ramírez (38)
Wladimir Klitschko (39)
Gigi Leung (39)
Melanie Blatt of All Saints (40)
Juvenile (40)
Lark Voorhies (41)
Cathy Dennis (46)
Lisa Gay Hamilton (51)
Marcia Cross (53)
Brenda Strong (55)
Daniel Boulud (60)
Bonnie Bedelia (67)
Elton John (68)
Paul Michael Glaser (72)
Aretha Franklin (73)
Anita Bryant (75)
Gloria Steinem (81)
Gene Shalit (89)

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Jon Hamm Just Finished Up 30 Days In Rehab

March 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Somebody should really tell Jon Hamm not to cross his legs like that, because he could suffocate America’s national treasure the Hammaconda and then a paramedic would have to give it mouth-to-mouth. Wait, can I buy an EMT certificate online after winning a quick game of Operation, because I think I want to become a paramedic now.

TMZ says that Jon Hamm just left rehab after spending 30 days in there. Last month, Jon checked into the Silver Hill Hospital in New Canaan, Connecticut after he decided that he needed a little help for his addiction to booze. Jon got out in time to start promoting the final season of Mad Men. Jon’s rep gave this statement to TMZ:

“With the support of his longtime partner Jennifer Westfeldt, Jon Hamm recently completed treatment for his struggle with alcohol addiction. They have asked for privacy and sensitivity going forward.”

Before you say that this isn’t surprising since he drinks all that whiskey in Mad Men, I’ll have your ass know that they probably drink iced tea! Or apple juice! Hmm, that makes me wonder. I’m surprised none of them have gone to rehab for an apple juice addiction since they drink so much of that shit on Mad Men.

Good for Jon Hamm! Now can he uncross his legs, because I’m worried about the Hammaconda.

Here’s Jon Hamm and the cast of Mad Men at the unveiling of the Don Draper bench in NYC yesterday.

Pics: Wenn.com

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Night Crumbs

March 24, 2015 / Posted by:

The rabid chipmunk in sloppy Tank Girl drag known as Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger have decided to not break their contract up after he got papped hugging on some girls during Spring Break. The meaning of true love can finally pull itself off of its death bed and happily live like the mites in Billy Ray’s mane! - Lainey Gossip 

While looking at these pictures of Kylie Jenner, you can practically hear Pimp Mama Kris screaming, “Work it, own it, show ‘em what mama bought you, honey,” from the side lines – Drunken Stepfather

Gisele Bundchen is either screaming at one of her kids for acting wrong or she’s screaming at Tom Brady for acting wrong. I know, that was redundant since Tom Brady IS one of her kids - Egotastic! 

In FKA Twigs’ new video, she perfectly reenacts Prince’s birth ceremony  - Celebitchy

Ana from The Real Housewives of Miami got arrested for being a mess and she blamed it on her fear of cockroaches. Um, bitch starred in a reality show with a bunch of cockroaches (not including La Bruja, of course) and now she’s saying she’s scared of them?   – Reality Tea 

Robert Durst’s wife Debra Lee Charatan will be on one of The Real Housewives in 3..2… – Jezebel

Sitting in a bathtub while contemplating offing yourself seems like a reasonable response to riding Hugh Hefner’s grave worm dick all the time – The Superficial

An Irish mom and her son bond over his Grindr messages. If I did this with my mom, she’d be reading a whole lot of blank screen since nobody messages me! – Towleroad

Something must have happened to Emmanuelle Chriqui’s dress, so she just wrapped a bedsheet around her body and went with it – Hollywood Tuna

That’s okay, I didn’t need to see again or keep down solids – SOW

Amal Clooney brings the elegance with her Harlem hooker circa 1978 coat – Popsugar

Robert Pattinson, James Franco, Idris Elba, Al Pacino and Benicio Del Toro are all doing a movie together – Just Jared

Dear Amanda Seyfried, Tootsie wore it better – Popoholic

Kate Gosselin is training an army of little spies – ICYDK

Apparently, Captain Marvel has been cast and if it’s not Shauna Sand, I no care! – Pajiba

But is Chloe Sevigny going to bring along her lobster thong when she checks into American Horror Story: Hotel?  - HuffPo

Pic: FameFlynet

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QOTD: Vin Diesel Thinks That Next Year You Will Hear The Words, “And The Oscar Goes To…Furious 7!”

March 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Mr. Clean’s sensitive second cousin Vin Diesel is pimping out Furious 7 hard and he’s taken his selling technique to new levels of “no fucks given” by spitting out some ridiculously delusional shit in hopes that one crazy person believes him. Or maybe he really believes what he’s saying and if that’s the case, hold onto your beautiful dreams, Vin!

Vin tells Variety that Furious 7 is so fast and so furious that it’s going to be the biggest hit of all-time and it will win the big prize at the Oscars next year.

“Universal is going to have the biggest movie in history with this movie. It will probably win best picture at the Oscars, unless the Oscars don’t want to be relevant ever. This will win best picture. There is nothing that will ever come close to the power of this thing.”

Are we sure that in Vin Diesel talk “Oscars” doesn’t mean “Spike Guys’ Choice Awards,” because that would make sense.

Well, we live in a time when Shakespeare In Fucking Love won Best Picture, so anything is possible and anything can win. But seriously, Vin should know that the Oscars are a joke and they don’t care about cinematic artistry! Because if they did, Vin Diesel would be a three-time Oscar winner for his groundbreaking and multi-layered performances in The PacifierFind Me Guilty and as that rotten asparagus thing in Guardian of the Galaxy. 

Open Post: Hosted By Jeff Goldblum’s Majestic Ginger Poodle

March 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Here’s Jeff Goldblum struttin’ that ass with his majestic ginger poodle and his knocked up third wife on the streets of West Hollywood the other day. Jeff would take his majestic ginger poodle to the park and let him run freely, but every time he goes it’s always a major drama and a big scene. Whenever he goes to the park and calls his majestic ginger poodle’s name, parents suddenly grab their children and run screaming to their cars. It may or may not have something to do with the fact that Jeff Goldblum named his majestic ginger poodle Woody Allen. I’m not telling jokes. That poodle’s name is Woody Allen.

Poor Woody Allen Goldblum. His name is Woody Allen Goldblum AND his human insists on wearing those broke ass Edward Scissorhands pants from Hot Topic while going for a walk in public together. The humiliation of it all!

Pics: Wenn.com

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Iggy Azalea Says She Bought Herself A New Pair Of Boobs 4 Months Ago

March 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Iggy Azalea recently did an interview with VOGUE (sidebar: first this, now this? When did Anna Wintour get body-snatched by my 9-year-old cousin?) that wasn’t so much an interview as a tape recorded shopping trip to Barneys to help Iggy Azalea figure out the best clothes for her shape. Rather than pulling out the What Fruit Shape Are You? chart and pointing at the genetically modified pear, they started by asking her if there was anything she’d change about her body if she could. That’s when she confessed that she already had:

“I did change something: Four months ago, I got bigger boobs! I’d thought about it my entire life.” At first she resolved never to discuss this publicly; she didn’t want girls—so many of her fans are barely high school age—to feel bad about their own bodies. “But then I decided I wasn’t into secret-keeping.”

Rappin’ Rockin’ Barbie says one of the reasons she decided to upgrade to plastic titties because she was sick of having to sew padding into all her stage costumes. “LAZY!” hissed every hard-working drag queen tuck-deep in a pile of couch cushion foam.

But since Iggy’s no longer into secret keeping, does this mean she’ll also admit that her doctor took a turkey baster filled with low-grade silicone bought wholesale from Shhh…It’s A Butt! to her ass too? Or maybe that’s just where all her titty padding went. Regardless, it didn’t appear to be one of the 73 questions VOGUE asked her. WARNING: Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this video, because it will put you to sleep.

In case you want further evidence of Iggy’s bigger boobs, here are some pictures before and after she got them done:

Pics: Wenn.com

Max Irons Had A Few Things To Say About His Dad Jeremy Irons’ Thoughts On Gay Marriage

March 24, 2015 / Posted by:

All the way back in 2013, Jeremy Irons was asked about his thoughts on same-sex marriage during an interview with HuffPo and the anus slit on his brain shat out a gurgling stream of WHAT. Jeremy mouth farted up some shit about how gay marriage shouldn’t be called gay marriage, because that’ll lead to fathers marrying their sons for tax purposes. That sounds like the plot of the sequel to “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” that nobody asked for. The interviewer brought up the fact that a father couldn’t really marry his son due to a thing called incest laws. Jeremy then said that a father getting with his son isn’t incest since they can’t make a baby together. A picture of Jeremy Irons’ mind ended up on the side of millions of milk cartons since he obviously lost it. He later tried to clean up those messy statements. Cut to today….

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Fox Has Confirmed That An X-Files Reboot Is Happening

March 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Excuse me, but I need a moment to slip into the kitchen and brew myself an extra-large mug of Throat Coat to deal with the 3rd degree scream damage I sustained from reacting to this news with a decibel-shattering YAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS.

Typically whenever Hollywood announces that they’re going to reboot something (aka ruin it), I can’t roll my eyes fast enough or kick out enough chairs for Hollywood to take a seat, but not this time. Deadline says that Fox has confirmed that they’re bringing The X-Files back for a six-episode event, and that David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson will return as FBI Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. No word on whether their hot no-nonsense hunk of a boss Skinner will be back, but that’s sort of irrelevant, considering he’s still making appearances in my dreams.

Series creator Chris Carter will also be involved, and he says he considers the time since the The X-Files finale in 2002 and this upcoming 6-epsiode series as a “13-year commercial break.” The X-Files ran for 9 seasons and produced two feature films, one of which was good (sit down, The X-Files: I Want to Believe – I wasn’t talking about you).

I know they haven’t said anything else about casting, but I really hope they bring back Doug Hutchison as Eugene Tooms, if only so they have an excuse to write a part for his gorgeous living x-file of a wife Courtney Stodden.

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