There are blessed few things in this world that are a simple snack for the mind, body, and soul. And Jason Momoa shaking his money maker to RuPaul’s “Freaky Money” in a half-baked Saturday Night Live sketch called An Extra Christmas Carol is one of them. From Jason’s Land Of Make Believe accent, to his hopeless attempt at making every grain of sugar in his tank shine, to the self-consciously delivered body rolls, we stan a goofy queen. Jason’s “extra ghost”, juxtaposed against a very convincing set, professional costumes and an expertly delivered straight-man performance by Mikey Day, goes down like two buttery, spicy, ginger snaps to the left.
Here’s the skit with a big assist by Kate McKinnon as Tiny Tim who “gets it”.
I want to bury my face in that tumtum something awful. What crimes against humanity do I have to commit in order to be visited by Jason in a shiny lame cape and tear-away pants, being all extra just for me? I would seriously like to know if I just have to be dick to a little kid and grump about Christmas, or if I have to go full genocidal maniac? Okay, maybe I wouldn’t go quite that far, but my morals are flexible when it comes to Jason Momoa.
Unlike the PR feeding frenzy I imagine Hollywood is in the days leading up to People announcing their Most Beautiful list, I think the only nerds/people on Time’s “Person Of The Year” shortlist are Donald Trump and Duchess Meghan since they’re the only ones with enough time on their hands to give a shit. Some reps from the magazine stopped by the Today show, uh, today and revealed what people or groups they were considering for this year. It sounds like Trump might finally be able to get rid of that fake-ass Time cover from his wall.< !–more–>
Time reports that it is considering Trump (who was the 2016 honoree) because – even if he is a turd (they didn’t call him that, but you can infer) – he pretty much keeps cable news in business with all his personal drama, his tweets, separating kids from their parents at the U.S.-Mexico border, making THE QUEEN wait around on his tardy ass, and the ongoing Robert Mueller investigation into how much he was cozying up to Russia during the 2016 election. Speaking of, Robert also is a contender. Wouldn’t it be funny if Robert beat out Trump? Actually, that would probably be what finally causes Trump to put a stop to the investigation, so don’t pull any funny business, Time!
Time is also considering the separated immigrant families as this year’s “honor” since it’s up there as one of the most horrific stories of the year and so many kids remain separated from their parents. Trump’s international boo-thang Vladimir Putin, Black Panther director Ryan Coogler, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, assassinated Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi, South Korean President Moon Jae-in and March for Our Lives activists from the Stoneman Douglas High School shooting also made the cut. You could have honestly picked from that list and had someone worthy of the title.
Alas, Time needs to make sure copies of this thing sells, so Kensington Palace Terror Meghan made the list, too. Billions around the world tuned in and watched her snatch Prince Harry from our imaginary grasp, and she’s been wreaking havoc on royal protocol ever since. Oh, and she made sure to get knocked up in the process, so her ass isn’t going back to the colonies anytime soon. I mean, if it’s between some of the others tugging at our heartstrings or Meghan making Duchess Kate sob over a toddler’s bridesmaid dress, who could possibly decide?! Yeah, my money’s on Meghan, too.
I’ve always had this dream of running into the HR department of my nine to five gig, shouting “I Quit!” and then breaking out into the Sister Act 2 version of Oh Happy Day as security escorts me out of the building. Both of the Sister Act movies were my favorites growing up and, since Hollywood loves to murder our childhoods with reboots, you can now add an updated version of Sister Act to the list of things to make your eyes roll. But wait! This time around things will be a bit different.
Does Victoria Beckham have an alibi?? Mel B hasn’t had the easiest few years with her divorce proceedings and the whole back and forth on whether the Spice Girls were going to get back together and make that money. The gals (sans Posh) are reuniting for a tour, but even that isn’t without its hiccups. The same day she was scheduled to fly to California from London, Mel had a scary incident that somehow involved broken ribs, an injured hand, and emergency surgery.
On a recent episode of Carpool Karaoke (which is now a whole ass web series on Apple TV), Kendall Jenner was driving Hailey Baldwin around and they were singing a Miley Cyrus song and doing some weird shit with their hands like they were trying to dig themselves out of an invisible grave (was it some form of primitive dance? I can’t be sure) and next thing you know, Miley herself hops into the car and joins them. And that’s when shit got real. To my great surprise, the trio engaged in a deeply therapeutic dialog where Miley confessed to having instigated a cruel reign on torture upon Hailey, and bullied her when they were kids.
As we all know, Cardi B and Offset’s relationship has, apparently, come to an end. And I, for one, am shocked because I thought it would have ended way sooner than this. Go Love! However, unlike normal folks, whenever a celebrity couple breaks up they don’t turn to their friends to air out their grievances because where’s the fun in that? Instead, they turn to social media because the only real love they have is the love for attention. For instance, take Cardi’s recent verbal slapdown for the trolls and troglodytes who believe her relationship was faker than every ass in the Love and Hip Hop franchise.