Hans Zimmer Quit Scoring Batman Movies Because He Wasn’t Feeling Ben Affleck

March 18, 2017 / Posted by:

What a coincidence! Jennifer Garner also quit enduring having to hire 400 pound nannies with leprosy because she wasn’t feeling Ben Affleck! (Or did she?)

Superstar film composer Hans Zimmer is fucking done professionally scoring Batman movies. He was so enamored of Christian Bale’s laughably growly take on Batman that Ben Affleck’s interpretation (that would seemingly be “florid and premenstrual“) left him feeling hollow inside.

FYI, Hans. Ben Affleck’s version of Batman has left a lot of people feeling hollow inside. Such as comic book geeks, the citizens of Gotham City, any poor bastard actor they’ve approached to play the inevitable role of Robin, etc. The list goes on.

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In Sad News, Josh Duggar Knocked Up His Wife With Baby #5

March 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Incestuous wonder (it’s a wonder why his ass isn’t in jail) Josh Duggar and his wife Anna have revealed via The Duggar Family blog post that they’re expecting their fifth child. Ok, we’re going to need Team Pussy Grabs Back to stage some sort of feminist commando raid on the Duggar House of Horrors and snatch Anna’s ass out of there, because this ain’t right.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Echo Mini Piano!

Chopin, Beethoven, Mozart and Schroeder from Peanuts didn’t have shit on us children of the 80s. We all became instant master pianists when our fingers tickled the plastic on Bösendorfer’s biggest competition: the Electron Echo Mini Piano from Taiwan! The Echo Mini Piano came in a luxurious vinyl case and from what my coagulated pile of brain meat remembers, it was sold in Big Lots-type stores and vending machines. My mom bought mine at the swap meet and I wore that thing out. I played it even when it croaked out warbling, mumbling notes from its battery dying. I squeezed every last sound out of it. I think I went through two or three of them, because I was addicted to the feeling of burning up on the inside as I attacked that piano with my hands like a crazed virtuoso! Or something.

The Echo Mini Piano also came with a little booklet that had history’s most difficult songs in it. Every key on the Mini Piano had a number on it and you’d just hit the number on the book to create art for the ears and soul!

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You can still find the Mini Piano on eBay and I am so damn tempted to buy one. And if I do, don’t be surprised if in a few years you see a poster outside of Carnegie Hall that reads: Carnegie Hall Is More Than Proud To Present… Master Echo Mini Pianist Michael K! 

Pics: eBay.ca

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Birthday Sluts

March 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Vanessa Williams (54)
Lily Collins (28)
Simon Curtis (31)
Lykke Li (31)
Sophia Myles (37)
Danneel Harris (38)
Adam Levine (38)
Devin Lima of LFO (40)
Sutton Foster (42)
Evan and Jaron (43)
Dane Cook (45)
Queen Latifah (47)
Jerry Cantrell (51)
Mike Rowe (55)
Luc Besson (58)
Irene Cara (58)
Ben Cohen (66)
Brad Dourif (67)
Charley Pride (83)
John Kander (90)

Pic: Clutch Magazine/Pinterest

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Night Crumbs

March 17, 2017 / Posted by:

The Weeknd brought Selena Gomez home to Toronto where he bought out an entire screening of Get Out for them. Either The Weeknd is seriously coochmatized or the relationship contract he signed states that he has to pull stunts like that – Lainey Gossip

Here’s Anne Hathaway airing her Oscar-winning pits out on ElleDrunken Stepfather 

Strangely enough, capris would go perfectly with that tank top Tom Hiddleston wore on the beach – Celebitchy

The Real Housewives are going on tour, in case you want to spend a chunk of money to see 2 entertaining messes and 3 drips talk about boring shit – Reality Tea

I’m going to have to quote Jabba the Trump and call this fake news, because I’m guessing it’s about Tiffany Trump and there’s no way he cares enough about her to do something like this – The Superficial 

Noel Fielding will be one of the new hosts of the Great British Bake-OffPajiba

Feeling herself: Ariel Winter is – Popoholic

Thank God that Emma Watson will make a ton of money from Beauty and the Beast, because maybe she finally pay off her student loans – Just Jared

WWPLS? (What Would Pepper LaBeija Say?): Ryan Murphy will take on the NYC ball scene of the 80s in his new show for FX – Jezebel

The trailer for the new season of RuPaul’s Drag Race had me 1 second in but it really had me at Lisa KudrowOMG Blog

Emily RideAJetSki served up her signature comatose zombie poses for DKNY – Hollywood Tuna

And finally, let’s end this St. Patrick’s Day with Robert Downey Jr. in a shamrock onesie – SOW

Pic: Splash

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QOTD: The Long Island Medium Has Scientific Proof That Her Powers Are Real

March 17, 2017 / Posted by:

There’s article after article on the internet that claims Theresa Caputo, The Long Con Medium, I mean, The Long Island Medium is a shameless charlatan who is carrying on the late Sylvia Browne’s legacy by taking advantage of vulnerable and grieving sadlings. The Long Island Medium now has news for the non-believers. Science has proven that she has a gift, and no, that gift isn’t conning people while pretending to speak to the ghost of their loved one (aka her assistant spouting out info they found through Google while wearing a white sheet over their body).

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