If you read that headline and came (I can stop right there, I know) into the post thinking that you were going to get footage of Jon Hamm making out with the Hammaconda, then curse out that oversized Keebler Elf James Corden for setting this gag up. A gag that sadly doesn’t involve Jon Hamm gagging on some Hammaconda head.
Today I learned something about the African country of Uganda: it’s a place where there’s at least one person who doesn’t really know of Kim Kardashian. I honestly thought we’d have to land on Mars before we discovered life that was blissfully unaware of Kim K, but here we are – right on Earth this whole time.
Kanye West and Kim are currently in Uganda, where he’s working on his album Yandhi, and visiting the President (aw, I hope Trump doesn’t get jealous). When Kim met with President Yoweri K Museveni, he proved he’s either clueless or an expert-level troll master by asking her what her job is.
Who needs Russian hackers to take over the United States when all it takes is a celebrity mildly offending the Trumps to send the entire White House into a tailspin? Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have showed the red phone on the Oval Office desk apparently is a direct line to both Russia AND the Kardashian Koven, as those two drop by about as often as Kellyanne Conway. Kim may be there just for criminal justice reform, but Yeezy is all about that #MAGA, and that doesn’t fly with the rap community. T.I. dropped a video on Twitter where he heads to the Oval Office without Donald Trump but with what is supposed to be Melania Trump – and she’s getting naked. As you might expect, the East Wing didn’t care for that…and now says to boycott T.I.
One day after Kensington Palace announced that Duchess Meghan was is pregnant with Prince Harry’s royal spawn, we’ve got Thomas Markle’s take on things. And of course Samantha Markle has something to say about it too.
Prepare to have your heartstrings pulled. There’s a rich white man with no boundaries who has felt the sting of public rebuke. It’s Louis C.K., but don’t worry too much, he’s going to be OK. He’s still rich, just not as rich as he was before everybody learned what a lot of people already knew about his unorthodox masturbatory habits. Before, Louis was making his penis cry in front of non-receptive women, now he’s back at work doing stand up and making his eyes cry instead (metaphorically; sadly the penis crying was literal) by boo-hooing, and joking, about the consequences he suffered during his 11-month time out. According to Louis, it was hell. But really, it sounds more like it was Hell-Lite: All the wallowing and self pity of Hell Classic, but none of the damnation and torture! Continue reading
Believe it or not, but up until today, Duchess Meghan wasn’t the only woman in Britain who is pregnant with a human, even though 3,865,999 posts about her pregnancy may make you think otherwise. But Pippa Middleton (aka Duchess Kate’s younger sister aka the owner of the ASS who upstaged Duchess Kate at the OTHER royal wedding) also had a baby growing in her body. She doesn’t anymore, because Pippa pippa’d out a baby yesterday.