Earlier today, Simon Pegg became public enemy no. 1 with superhero nerds, comic-con enthusiasts, and basement-dwelling types after the Radio Times (via Daily Mail) published an interview with him where he took a giant radioactive dump on the superhero film industry. Simon, who you may remember as Scotty in those Star Trek reboots, claimed that society has been “infantilised” by our taste because we’re “essentially all consuming very childish things – comic books, superheroes.” He went on to add:
“It is a kind of dumbing down in a way, because it’s taking our focus away from real-world issues. Films used to be about challenging, emotional journeys or moral questions that might make you walk away and re-evaluate how you felt about…whatever. Now we’re walking out of the cinema really not thinking about anything, other than the fact that the Hulk just had a fight with a robot.”
Well, I guess Simon was tired of watching his inbox slowly get crushed to death by the weight of all the angry superhero movie fan emails, because he typed up an long-ass explanation and posted it to his website. Simon, who considers himself a pretty big nerd, wants you to know he didn’t mean that all superhero movies are dumbing us down, just some of them.
“The ‘dumbing down’ comment came off as a huge generalisation by an A-grade asshorn. I did not mean that science fiction or fantasy are dumb, far from it…The point of all this is just to get my position clear. I’m not out of the fold, my passions and preoccupations remain. Sometimes it’s good to look at the state of the union and make sure we’re getting the best we can get.”
“I’d like to know more about this A-grade asshorn, specifically where I can purchase one” thought every desperate horny slut reading Simon Pegg’s apology (don’t worry, I’ll let you know once I’m done searching the internet for it).
Even though what Simon says makes sense, Hollywood will never listen. Even the dumbest of superhero movies will still make a ton of money, so no matter how hard you holler about it, Hollywood will always be like “Sorry, you’ll have to speak up – I can’t hear you over the sound of all these dollar signs.”
Speaking of the Hulk fighting a robot, here’s Chris Evans as Captain America fighting what appears to be a robot during the filming of Captain America: Civil War.
I was going to have an 8th cup of coffee (aka non-organic, peon coffee beans that didn’t come out of the ass of a weasel cat in Indonesia) with a spoonful of Coffee-Mate (aka processed toxic powder), but now I don’t need it! Nothing gives me a quick pick-me-up like reading what Goopy Paltrow has to say about diet and stuff. It’s eyeball calisthenics time!
It was only two years ago when Goopy wrote about how her family is allergic to everything so they stay away from carbs, dairy and chicken eggs and sometimes it leaves their stomachs singing the chorus of Annie Lenox’s Why. But since Goopy is still trying to convince us all that she doesn’t think she’s better than everyone, she has come down from her sky high ivory tower to mingle with us McDonald’s-eating peasants and let us know that sometimes her children eat the same dumpster food we do and it’s okay. During an interview with Women’s Health (via People and UsWeekly), the failed poor person gooped at the mouth about her diet philosophy and also said that one of the keys to living a healthy life is to get her goop hole gooped as much as possible.
Taylor Swift Wants You To Know There Are Unfair “Double-Standards” When It Comes To Singing About Your Feelings
During a recent interview with Maxim magazine, who gave her the No. 1 spot on their Hot 100 list this year (and reused one of her greasy butterscotch runaway looks from November’s Wonderland for the cover), Taylor Swift was asked about feminism, specifically why she wants to talk about it all of a sudden. According to Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield’s long-lost triplet, feminism is important to her now because she’s tired of all the haters who continue to side-eye her for building a career out of turning her sad teen girl journal thoughts into several albums worth of catchy break-up songs while praising the dudes who are doing the same thing. Somewhere in a recording studio in Springfield, Kirk Van Houten just got very nervous.
Because Cannes is a truly formal and sophisticated event that only lets in the most refined and elegant swans (see: the piece of trash above), they have a seriously strict dress code and will spit on any pair of lady feet that aren’t propped up on a high heel. So if you’ve got medical issues and wearing high heels kills your feet and makes you walk like a constipated penguin, suck it up, trick! Put on those high heels and fake smile through the pain, because you gotta get into Cannes! If you have no legs, strap a high heel to your head or wear them on your hands, because rules are rules and you gotta get into Cannes!
Normally when you’re thinking of making it legal with another person, you ask questions to make sure you’re compatible with each other. Stuff like “Would you say you like or love Shahs of Sunset?” or “In your opinion, how many bottles of wine is too many?” Once you get all the important shit out of the way, you move on to the boring questions like “Do you have a secret wife?” or “How many secret wives do you currently have?” Unfortunately, Bristol Palin’s mama was too busy practicing her smile-n-wink in the mirror to teach her daughter basic relationship 101, and now Bristol has once again found herself in the middle of some messy marriage drama.
Back in March, 24-year-old Bristol announced that she was engaged to a 26-year-old U.S. Marine named Dakota Meyer, and they were planning on getting hitched on Memorial Day Weekend. Then it got all kinds of Palin-y last week when it was revealed that Dakota Meyer may already have a wife. A friend of Bristol’s fiancé’s secret wife’s sister came forward and ratted his ass out, claiming that he got married in Kentucky when he was 19 and they still might be technically married.
Missed Opportunities: Dining at Dead Mobster where you can be eating with the fishes. – CS182
Fur-Maid. – Tart of Darkness
Baxter, the bossy pussy in the Meow Mix commercial from 1997!
Ever since the 1970s, the Meow Mix commercials have starred a pussy moving their pussy lips to the “Meow Meow Meow” jingle. While doing research for this HIGLY IMPORTANT post, I read that the singing cat happened accidentally. Jerry Della Femina, an ad man who worked on the commercial, said that during the shoot, the ginger cat choked on cat food and the executives to decided to play the jingle over the footage for a “lip-synch effect.” That pussy almost DIED and they turned its moment of death into a cutesy bit in a damn commercial. Don Draper is so the ad executive who came up with that idea.
In 1997, Meow Mix took the “Meow Meow Meow” chant to terrifying new levels. They put out a commercial starring Baxter, a cat who could call his human on the car phone during carpool time and make demands. The commercial sent a jolt of fear through every cat owner, because if pussies could call us up and make demands, we’d be doomed and we’d go broke from trying to pay off our carphone bill.
It’s a good thing Baxter couldn’t see those haters (aka the dude rolling his eyes and the lady throwing a stank face while filing her nails), because if he could, they’d have to change their phone number all the time. They’d constantly get calls in the middle of the night from a “mysterious cat” who’d let out a “meow meow meow” in a threatening, whispery tone. And yes, a whispery “meow meow meow” translates into: “I’m going to kill you.”
Grace Jones (67)
Sam Smith (23)
Eric Lloyd (29)
Jon Kortajarena (30)
Rebecca Hall (34)
Drew Fuller (35)
Shooter Jennings (36)
Kim Zolciak (37)
Gail Simmons (39)
Dario Franchitti (42)
Amanda De Cadenet (43)
Jenny Berggren (43)
Alison Elliott (45)
Geraldine Somerville (48)
Polly Walker (49)
Sean Whalen (51)
Dusty Hill (66)
Pete Townshend (70)
Peter Mayhew (71)
Nancy Kwan (76)
Social activist and author dream hampton, who worked on Jay Z’s book Decoded, claims that Jay and Beyonce quietly spent thousands of dollars on bailing out protesters in Baltimore and Ferguson. Okay, but that’s still not going to get me to actually subscribe to that Tidal shit – Lainey Gossip
The crazed Robsten fangirls are still throwing racist shit at FKA Twigs – Celebitchy
Translation: Kathy Hilton doesn’t want the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills producers to fire her sister Kim Richards, because if they do she’ll have to pay her bills – Reality Tea
Former home wrecking hero Sienna Miller is in a two piece – Drunken Stepfather
Natalie Portman showed her chonies in Cannes and that’s great and everything, but the hell kind of tattered Black Swan ice skating costume is she wearing? – The Superficial
Salma Hayek’s life-saving magnificent chichis almost cured my hangover – Hollywood Tuna
The time I mistook a ginger ScarJo for a ginger Megan Fox – Popoholic
Jay Z’s got 99 problems and spitting out dumb shit during a freestyle about Tidal is one of them – The Wrap
If you were Robin Thicke’s dog, you too would need to be stoned as shit to deal with his douche ass – Defamer
Beyonce and Nicki Minaj had some free time during Coachella, so they threw together a video for “Feeling Myself” and released it on Tidal where it was exclusive for about 2 seconds (I’m being generous) – Jezebel
Wonky McValtrex queefed up another song and yes, it’s awful, but it’s still better than “Pretty Girls” – OMG Blog
The mess that is Josh Brolin is going to marry his assistant – ICYDK
Jaden Smith wore his white Batman suit to prom because of course he did – HuffPo
The Mick Jagger wannabe from One Direction gave the blondie one a quick hernia check at the Billboard Music Awards – Just Jared
Panty Creamers of the Day: 3 out of 5 New Kids showed off their 40-something cum gutters and nipples – SOW
The Photoshop Awards: Chris Pratt looks more like Paul Rudd than Chris Pratt on the cover of GQ – Popsugar
“Weirdo,” said my dog who swallows food whole – The Berry
One of Rebel Wilson’s ex-classmates is pissed that she gets to be the young, fetus age of 29 and they have to be the decrepit, one-foot-in-the-grave, dusty butt hole age of 36. So they exposed Rebel Wilson to an Australian tabloid and called her old ass out for lying about EVERYTHING. The unnamed classmate says that many years ago Melanie Elizabeth Bownds killed Rebel Wilson, fed her body to the crocodiles and took over her name, age and identity. No, but the classmate claims that Rebel is lying about her age and upbringing. Commence pearl clutching!
Rebel Wilson’s Wikipedia page used to say she’s 29 (it’s since been changed). The old classmate tells Australia’s Woman’s Day that she’s not 29 and they didn’t know her as “Rebel” then. The old classmate also says that Rebel didn’t grow up in the “ghetto” like she claims and she was actually raised in an upper middle class family.
“She’s clearly got a vivid imagination. Maybe you have to tell stories to make it in Hollywood! I studied with Rebel at Tara Anglican School for Girls in North Parramatta, Sydney. But no-one knew of a Rebel Wilson. Her name is – or was – Melanie Elizabeth Bownds, and she’s 36 – she was born in 1979 and we left school in 1997. She was definitely not the class clown; none of us remember her being funny.”
The pissed off old classmate even coughed up the receipts:
The pissed off old classmate may think that they’re giving the world some juicy ass information, but they really aren’t. Rebel has said before that she and her siblings (Ryot, Liberty and Annachi) didn’t want to be teased at school so they went by their middle names. She also said that Wikipedia has her age wrong, but she wouldn’t say how old she is. Rebel joked about this shit on Twitter and gave me a new phrase (tall poppy syndrome) while doing so:
OMG I’m actually a 100 year old mermaid formerly known as “CC Chalice” ….thanks shady Australian press for your tall poppy syndrome x Okay but all jokes aside now…my real name is Fat Patricia x
Even if she did lie about her age, who cares. She wouldn’t be the first or the ten thousandth. Next, Rebel Wilson’s old classmate is really going to make me die of shock by telling me that Catherine Zeta-Jones, Beyonce, Jessica Chastain, Gabrielle Carteris, Eminem, Nelly, Ginger Spice, Agyness Deyn and Charo all lied about their age too. Actually, if they told me that I’d say “Who?” because I barely turned 18 and I don’t know who any of those old hos are.
Here’s Melanie Bownds shooting a movie in NYC with Dakota Johnson today.