And it’s awful. It’s bad even for a major mess like Tom Sizemore. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Tom Sizemore was removed from a film shoot back in 2003 after he was accused of molesting an 11-year-old girl. The next storm better be a rain of frogs, because this is clearest damn sign that a plague is needed to power wash Hollywood.
The difference between goddesses and us peasants is that when peasants like myself wake up with a giant purple ruffled wart on our shoulder, we go down to the free clinic with a list of our past fuck partners while trying to remember which one of them rubbed their dirty dick on our shoulder. But when goddesses wake up with a giant purple ruffed wart on their shoulder, they work it to the core at an event and bring the people to their knees.
Iman put the glamour in Glamour’s Women of the Year Awards in NYC last night when she slid along the red carpet in a Christian Siriano gown that made her look like that ultra glamorous Jurassic Park dinosaur if that ultra glamorous Jurassic Park dinosaur got a fairy godmother to turn them into a human goddess. Iman also looks like the most gorgeous venus fly trap that ever sprouted from the earth, and if they ever do that Little Shop of Horrors remake, she can play Audrey II. But instead of eating humans, she causes them to pass out from the power of her pose skills.
Here’s more from last night’s Women of the Year Awards. Nobody can touch Iman and her ruffled fortune cookie, but I am into Nicole Kidman’s tits beneath my wings dress.
It was only a matter of time before Ewan McGregor made a full-on “Yep, we’re together” appearance with the woman he’s rebounding with after his 22-year marriage ended last month. Or while his marriage was ending, depending on what version of Ewan McGregor you subscribe to.
Ewan and his rumored current lady Mary Elizabeth Winstead were seen strolling around in L.A. on Saturday. 46-year-old Ewan and 32-year-old Mary Elizabeth don’t really seem like fame whorey types, so their official couple debut wasn’t going to involve some cheesy Instagram picture featuring candlelight and the hashtag #couplegoals. They just got papped holding hands.
Ewan McGregor Spotted Holding Hands with Girlfriend Mary Elizabeth Winstead https://t.co/GeY4KIXykj
— People (@people) November 13, 2017
I can appreciate that they chose to hold hands. Because if you’re going to get papped with your rebound, you might as well make it as obvious as possible. But they didn’t have to. The rest of their bodies did it for them.
Both Ewan and Mary Elizabeth were wearing black leather motorcycle jackets, blue jeans, and black boots, and both of them had a messy “just woke up from a nap at my new piece’s place‘”look about their hair. Let’s face it, even if Ewan’s hands were tucked tightly in his pockets, matching leather biker jacket outfits and cool dad hair screams, “This is my new younger girlfriend.”
When Meghan Markle isn’t viciously rubbing the fact that she has the keys to the royal ginger jewel box in our faces, she does acting stuff on the USA Network show Suits. But since no family member of THE QUEEN is allowed to tarnish the pristine family name by doing pleasantly shit like acting on a basic cable show, Meghan is bouncing out of Suits. Sorry, but the only acting that British royals are allowed to do is act like they’re in a happy marriage.
And, no, that isn’t the baby in the photo above! That silly Mr. Bean (aka Rowan Atkinson) gets up to the craziest shit…and apparently that includes knocking up his 33-year-old girlfriend.
Rowan has been with actress Louise Ford for three years. The Telegraph reports she grew up south of London and went to the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art with the likes of Tom Hiddleston. No word on if she also tells insufferable acceptance speeches about how her craft is the one thing to bring a smile to those afflicted in war-torn nations, but it does appear she is a fertile turtle who is able to harvest Rowan’s Pepaw seed. The two met back in 2013 when they were both in a play, The Quartermaine’s Terms, in London.
I’m sure it was love at first monologue and all that artiste shit. It is reported the two are oh-so-delighted to be expecting a child, but I don’t know what’s so delightful about having to change smelly diapers when you should be coasting by on a life of senior citizen discounts down at Dairy Queen.
Interestingly, Rowan and his ex-wife Sunetra Sastry split in 2013. Those two have two kids, a 23-year-old son and a 21-year-old daughter, so I’m sure Christmas this year might get a little testy knowing Santa is going to divvy up his loot by three going forward.
I hope Keegan-Michael Key’s ex-wife (or hopefully, soon to be ex-wife) Cynthia Blaise was relaxed and sitting in a comfy chair this morning when she read the news that KMK is engaged to be married to producer and director Elisa Pugliese. Cynthia and KMK were married for over 15 years. The divorce was hard on Cynthia who claimed she developed PTSD and had to gobble pills to cope. Who could blame her really when she reportedly supported him through the lean years. Hell, I gobble pills to cope and I’m not going through shit. Hopefully she’s been well compensated and has moved on too because there’s no putting this new horse back in the barn.