Ah, Valentine’s Day. The perfect day to plant a smooch on that special someone in your life. And maybe to take a picture of it. And also post it to Instagram so that millions of people can share in your love. That’s what Rosario Dawson did with her new man yesterday. Except it happened so many times and with such a varying degree of thirst that many people, including Chance the Rapper, thought it was a stunt. But according to Chance the Rapper, it’s not.
Over ten years ago, Scarlett Johansson said in an interview that she doesn’t think human genitals are meant to stick with one peen or puss. ScarJo hasn’t changed her mind and in an interview with Playboy, she makes it clear that she’s still a full believer in Professor Cameron Diaz’s theory that humans aren’t meant to be monogamous. Tiger Woods, Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt and other noted peen wanderers are looking at ScarJo and singing, “I’ve been waaaaaay-tiiiiiiing for a girl like youuuuuu to come into my liiiiiiife…”
Fresh off from mistaking a TLC song for a Destiny’s Child song, Karlie Kloss has fucked up again and managed to outdo herself. Karlie went all Shirley MacLaine in My Geisha for a spread in American Vogue.
The battle between Sofia Vergara and her ex Nick Loeb over their frozen embryos has been going on so long that their embryos are probably covered in two-inches of freezer burn at this point. I honestly have no idea how freezing embryos works, and that’s “probably” not what happens. All I really know is that it sounds like Sofia might have found a way to finally end their fight.
Finally, a swimsuit issue cover we can all relate to! I mean, who of us hasn’t spent a vacation splashing around in the ocean in white bikini bottoms and Liberace’s motorcycle jacket?
Last week Page Six reported that Kate Upton might have screwed herself out of the cover of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition by demanding the cover, because she’s an actress now, which means she’s im-por-tant. It was rumored that there would be three covers, and that the other two were likely to go to Serena Williams and Christie Brinkley. Well, Sports Illustrated released this year’s Swimsuit Edition covers yesterday, and Kate got all three.
Because you want to see her finally swallow. – MyBananas
Upvote winners (it’s a tie!):
It’s sundae, I’m in love. – Tim Franklin
Please don’t fuck with my food. – BaconSlut
Pic: The Horny Nun