Gigi The Giraffe!
The diabolical, dead-hearted overlords at Amazon and Walmart all cackled into the air last night as they toasted with flutes filled with the tears of their underpaid and overworked workers before feasting on roasted giraffe while celebrating the inevitable death of Toys ‘R’ Us. Toys ‘R’ Us filed for bankruptcy last year, so I doubt anybody felt the emotion called “shock” when they announced yesterday that they have no choice but to liquidate and close all 800 of their stores in the U.S. They’re billions in debt and only have enough cash to keep them going until May. And just like that, every Toys ‘R’ Us kid suddenly grew up, whether they like it or not.
Dee Snider (63)
Jai Courtney (31)
Eva Amurri (33)
Kellan Lutz (33)
Young Buck (37)
Eva Longoria (43)
Mark Hoppus (46)
Penny Lancaster (47)
Kim Raver (49)
Mark McGrath (50)
Bret Michaels (55)
Terence Trent D’Arby (56)
Renny Harlin (59)
Park Overall (61)
David Cronenberg (75)
Sly Stone (75)
Mike Love (77)
Judd Hirsch (83)
Ruth Bader Ginsburg (85)
NBC released a promo for Jesus Christ Superstar Live!, and judging by this promo, old-timey Jerusalem looked exactly like the no-budget set for my high school theater production of West Side Story, and Mary Magdalene worked part-time at H&M (which is where she got that dress from) – Lainey Gossip
According to UsWeekly, Jennifer Garner is either spending her nights with real Ben Affleck or a Ben Affleck look-alike or neither! – Celebitchy
Why am I waiting for a PLOT TWIST where police look at surveillance footage and find that the supposed thief who stole Brielle Biermann’s wallet and spent $20,000 at department stores was actually Brielle Biermann herself! Dun! Dun! Dun! – Reality Tea
RIP to all the Larry shippers whose loins shook and exploded after hearing that Harry Styles may have come out as a lover of both peen and poon in a song – Towleroad
The walls of the White House should brace themselves for the shrieking sound of a Slovenian-accented voice screaming, “Take me with you!!!!!!” Because if this story is true, Vanessa Trump’s ankles will be grasped by the hands of Melania Trump as Melania begs Vanessa to take her with her as Donald Trump Jr.’s wife walks away from the Trump family FOREVER. Page Six says that Don Jr. and Vanessa’s 12 year marriage is about as broken and busted as Jabba the Trump’s cabinet.
And, no, it wasn’t Ryan Seacrest!
Adam Rippon has been hitting up the media circuit since he returned from South Korea, where he took home a bronze (along with the rest of Team U.S.A.) for his skating but got a gold medal in sideline commentary. Every kween I know is laying a thirst trap on Instagram for Adam, and apparently that’s no different for E! News host Justin Sylvester.
Justin joined the likes of Sally Fields (admittedly, she was trying to nab Adam for her son) when he tried to slyly ask Adam out on a date during an interview the other day on E!. His “Daily Pop” co-hosts asked him if he’s sexting much these days since his mom told him to be careful. Adam tried to make it sound like he was busy but open to dating, which caused the two gals to knowingly glance at Justin with looks that said, “Boy, we teed this up for your ass. Do us proud.”
In a completely un-staged moment, the camera zoomed in on Justin in the same manner as when the secretary storms into the house in a telenovela screaming the results of a paternity test. He offered to take Adam out on a date to show him “his” L.A. and “just kick it.” Adam said he “loves to just kick it” and then, again in a completely un-staged moment, picked up a rose like his ass just won The Bachelor. I don’t know about Justin, but my version of L.A. and just kicking it means getting three of everything from In-N-Out, and just kicking it on the couch from a food coma while Real Housewives Of Wherever plays…I guess this is why I’ll never see ice skates under my bed!
The only thing Kendall Jenner has dodged more on the internet than the hate she took for that tone-deaf Pepsi commercial, are the rumors that she’s secretly the gay one. Kendall recently “got candid” about the rumors in the April issue of Vogue, and she candidly swears she’s hetero.