My pick and upvote winner:
All iguana do is have some fun. And I’ve got a feeling I’m not the only one. – Zorba
Cat-In-The-Bag, the cat carrier that allows you to easily drag your pussy around.
Ignore the massive amounts of pure hatred and revenge shooting out of that cat’s eyeballs. Try not to think about how that cat is in a straitjacket and if you put a Hannibal Lecter mask on its face it would look like something straight out of a reboot of Silence of the Lambs titled Silence of the Humans. Don’t think about any of that, because that pussy carrier is the cat bag of the future!
Reader Hollie dropped a link in my inbox to a video from 2013 demonstrating a REVOLUTIONARY bag that allows cat owners to give their pussies medicine or take it to the vet or wash its dirty ass without worrying about their furry friend clawing their face skin off or poking their eyes out. Cat-In-The-Bag’s website says the bag is scratch-proof, it really, really works and you can use it for everything!
The Cozy Comfort Carrier features a roomy bag made of tightly woven cotton that resists scratching and snags. The looseness of the bag makes it easy to put on your cat, allows him unrestricted movement inside of it for comfort, and prevents him from scratching through the material.
The Velcro collar adjusts like a drawstring to fit any neck size. Wide and soft, the Velcro strip is inside the cotton neckline for added comfort.
A zipper across the bottom opens the entire bag, making it easier to put on your cat.
A handle on the back of the bag is also a shoulder strap and becomes a seatbelt pass-through in your car.
In this video, the godmother of the Cat-In-The-Bag demonstrates how to use it while her cat friend secretly plots her demise:
That cat is either really into the Cat-In-The-Bag or it’s more drugged up than a toddler with ADD on an 8-hour flight to Europe or it’s really a dog in a cat costume. I’m going with a dog in a cat costume. And the Cat-In-The-Bag should also sell a companion product called Human-In-The-Bag, a revolutionary bag that makes it easy for the morgue to transport your corpse after your cat murders you for putting it in a damn grocery bag.
RJ Mitte (23)
Kasey Musgraves (27)
Hayden Panettiere (26)
Paris Bennett (27)
Usain Bolt (29)
Brody Jenner (32)
Chantelle Houghton (32)
Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss (34)
Kimberly Stewart (36)
Alicia Witt (40)
Amy Fisher (41)
Carrie-Ann Moss (48)
Jeff Stryker (53)
Kim Cattrall (59)
Loretta Devine (66)
Patty McCormack (70)
Peter Weir (71)
Jackie DeShannon (74)
Kenny Rogers (77)
Pic: Victorious 22/Rumor Fix
The Nanny is still working the ho stroll and that’s great and everything, but can she ask whoever is giving her money to give her a wardrobe allowance so she doesn’t have to buy her shit at the Wilson’s Leather outlet, Sheplers and 10DollarMall anymore? – Lainey Gossip
Alec and Hilaria Baldwin have 5 nannies. Yeah, that may seem crazy, but I’m sure 3 of the nannies are solely there to stick a pacifier in Alec Baldwin’s mouth and soothe him with a lullaby when he throws a hissy fit tantrum – Celebitchy
Lara Stone’s nipples are in W Korea – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Why is Kylie Jenner even bothering with that life vest? If she falls in the water, the flotation devices in her but will keep her up – The Superficial
Yes, Dancing with the Has-Beens is still on. No, Len Goodman isn’t going to be on it next season – Reality Tea
Pimp Mama Kris is trying to pimp Kendall Jenner out to Zayn Malik – IDLYITW
Oh, don’t bother John Travolta while he has a little “him” time in Canada – Hollywood Tuna
Morrissey is on a roll and made sure to offend as many people as possible while talking to the iguana in suspenders that is Larry King – Towleroad
This baby reacts to a cat the same way I react when someone waves a Strawberry Shortcake bar at me – The Berry
I hope Emma Stone slathered SPF: Infinity on her body because even the brightness of that yellow purse could tan her legs a bit – Popoholic
Why should Beyonce lick her own ass in a stupid interview when others can do it for her? – Jezebel
Kelly Clarkson has a CASE OF THE BABIES again – HuffPo
So does that Glee blondie who thinks dolphins are gay sharks – Just Jared
Sir Patrick Stewart gives good AMA – Pajiba
Presenting, The Little MerCheeto – SOW
If you thought that maybe just maybe Anna Duggar would break free from the homemade laundry detergent bubble she lives in and grab her four children before running far, far away from those Duggars, don’t think that anymore. The chances of that happening are about as slim as Michelle Duggar breaking out of her own brainwashed bubble, shaving off her mane of secrets and running off to NYC to volunteer for a pro-choice organization.
A source tells People that Josh Duggar’s wife Anna is going to stick with him even though he admitted to cheating on her. What’s really sad is that the source says that they wouldn’t be surprised if Anna tries to blame herself. (Cut to a sad scene where Michelle Duggar takes Anna into the bathroom and tries to spice up her look by teasing her hair and covering it with 5 cans of White Rain hairspray.) The source put it like this:
“Anna will not leave him. As with her in-laws, she is turning more to her faith than ever. She and Josh are probably praying around the clock right now, I would assume.
Maybe not publicly, ever, but privately, there will be some suggestion of whether or not she should have been more aware of the pressures Josh was under, of the issues he was facing, and how she could have better counseled him or helped him. She is fully and permanently committed to her marriage and her children. And she’ll have the support of Jim Bob and Michelle and everyone else in their circle in terms of staying with him and making this work. Divorce is not even something that will be discussed.”
Well, I’m sure Anna is praying around the clock with her eyes closed while Josh sneaks into the bathroom to search “bare ankles” on PornHub and send winky Emojis to his stripper friends on Facebook.
Of course Anna Duggar isn’t going to leave Josh Duggar. That thought never even touched my brain. But if it was the other way around, it would be the end of the world. If Anna Duggar even got caught front hugging another dude, it would be like The Scarlet Letter on all the damn steroids.
By the way, I bet Ben Affleck’s former nanny is preparing to do an ass naked photo shoot for the paps on top of her Lexus, because if Josh Duggar’s side pieces start coming out to talk, we’ll all be like, “Christine WHOnian?”
Forbes released their annual Actresses Who Could Buy You And Your Entire Family And Still Have Enough Cash Leftover To Buy An Island Off Of Dubai list and on top of it is Jennifer Lawrence with $52 million. Sometimes God shows us that this world is a beautiful place (see: Josh Duggar getting exposed) and sometimes God shows us that this world is an unfair place (see: Jennifer Lawrence being the richest actress in Hollywood while a true talent like Nicole Eggert has to file for bankruptcy!)
Forbes says that they counted all the cash each actress brought in from June 2014 to June 2015. They got their numbers using data from IMDB and Nielsen and they also interviewed agents, lawyers, managers and sometimes the actresses themselves. For the first time ever, they also included actresses from other countries, which is why Fan Bingbing made the list.
Thanks to that Hunger Games money, Jennifer Lawrence got the top spot. Jennifer Aniston’s movies didn’t bring in that much money during Forbes’ measuring period, but she made the list because she gets paid a lot for whoring the hell out of SmartWater and Aveeno. Here’s Forbes’ full World’s Highest Paid Actresses list:
1. Jennifer Lawrence – $52 million
2. Scarlett Johansson – $35.5 million
3. Melissa McCarthy – $23 million
4. Fan Bingbing – $21 millioin
5. Jennifer Aniston – $16.5 million
6. Julia Roberts – $16 million
7. St. Angie Jolie – $15 million
8. Reese Witherspoon – $15 million
9. Anne Hathaway – $12 million
10. Kristen Stewart – $12 million
11. Cameron Diaz – $11 million
12. Goopy Paltrow – $9 million
13. Meryl Streep – $9 million
14. Amanda Seyfried – $9 million
15. Sandra Bullock – $8 million
16. Emma Stone – $6.5 milion
17. Mila Kunis – $6.5 million
18. Natalie Portman – $6 milion
If my last name was Lawrence, I’d be searching the hell out of Ancestry.com to see if I was somehow related to Jennifer Lawrence and could hit her up for a no-payback family loan.
Well, since Jennifer Lawrence loves man farts so much, Chris Martin and all her future boyfriends now know that if they want to make some quick extra cash, they should charge her $1,000 a butt queef. They can add a $2,000 surcharge if they ate Taco Bell beforehand.
Meanwhile on the dude side, Robert Downey Jr. came in at #1 with $80 million and Adam Sandler came in at #5 with $41 million. Yes, Adam Sandler reportedly made more than 4 times as much as Meryl Streep last year. This world.
Pic: iStock, Wenn.com
A couple of months ago, TMZ said that it didn’t look like Caitlyn Jenner will learn how to make prison lipstick out of ketchup and generic Vaseline during a future episode of I Am Cait, because it wasn’t likely that she would face any charges for her part in the car crash on PCH in Malibu that led to a woman’s death. But today, The Los Angeles Times reports that there’s a 50/50 chance she will end up getting charged with misdemeanor manslaughter. There’s a joke in there about how the term “manslaughter” is sexist, but I got a Sourdough Jack that needs eating.
The L.A. Sheriff’s Department is recommending that Caitlyn face charges, because she was driving at an “unsafe speed” at the time of the crash. She wasn’t driving over the speed limit, but investigators believe that she was driving too fast for the road conditions that day. Their recommendation will be passed to the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office next week and prosectors will decide to charge Caitlyn or not.
Jessica Steindorff, the driver of the Toyota Prius, could also be charged, because she was driving on a suspended license at the time.
After going through all the evidence, investigators say that a Lexus rear-ended the Prius after the Prius either slowed down or completely stopped. Caitlyn Jenner’s Escalade rear-ended the Lexus, sending it into oncoming traffic where it was hit head-on by a Hummer. Kim Howe, the driver of the Lexus, died at the scene. Nobody was drunk and nobody was using a cell phone at the time of the crash.
Both Jessica Steindorff and Kim Howe’s stepchildren are suing Caitlyn.
Det. Richard Curry of the Sheriff’s Dept. tells Variety that because there’s nothing “egregious” in the case, there’s a 50/50 chance Caitlyn will be charged with anything. If she is charged and convicted, she could get up to a year in the clink and have to pay a fine.
Caitlyn’s attorney wouldn’t say anything about this and wouldn’t say if they plan to be slick by using the “Cailtyn Jenner was nowhere near the car crash that Bruce Jenner was a part of” defense. But they don’t have to! Caitlyn Jenner is rich and a celebrity. The only thing she has to do is show the judge her checking account statement and prove that she has her own tag on TMZ with at least 10 posts under it. Once she does that, the only thing the judge will say is, “Sorry to waste your precious time, can I validate your parking?”
Yesterday’s Open Post host was a mastermind dog who is a genius tater tat hoarder. Well, today’s Open Post host is Brady, an adorable Golden Retriever puppy who could use some of Tater Tot Dog’s brains. It’s a good thing Brady has looks, because he is a mess.
Brady’s human says that he loves cooling off in the kiddie pool and while hanging out in the water one day, he tried to catch some painted fish on the bottom of the pool. The problem with painted fish is that they aren’t real and you can’t catch them. Brady still hasn’t figured that out. Insert your “typical blonde” jokes here.
I shouldn’t even laugh at Brady, because if my drunk ass was lounging in a pool that had Double Doubles and peens painted on the bottom of it, you better believe I’d almost drown while trying to catch one with my mouth. Okay, I’d do that even if I was sober.
I was fully ready for Josh Duggar to explain his two paid Ashley Madison accounts by saying that the evil demon gays must’ve put a black magic voodoo spell on him which possessed him to sign up for that devil site. But Josh Duggar has shocked us all by calling himself a hypocrite, because while he was spewing sanctimonious shit about traditional family values, he was also looking for side ass. That rumbling coming from the clouds above is God falling out of their chair, because even they can’t believe that Josh came clean so fast.
Rosie O’Donnell’s Teenage Daughter Was Found At The Home Of An Alleged Heroin Dealer She Met On Tinder
On Tuesday, Rosie O’Donnell busted an AMBER ALERT on Twitter after her 17-year-old daughter Chelsea and Chelsea’s therapy dog Bear had gone missing for a week. Chelsea has a mental illness and was off her meds, so a serious situation was really serious. Thankfully, Chelsea and Bear were found safe on Tuesday night after the cops got involved and pinged her burner cell phone.
People says that Chelsea’s cell phone led the cops to the home of 25-year-old Steve Sheerer in Barnegat, NJ. A source says that at first, Steve played dumb with the cop and said that Chelsea wasn’t at his house. But Steve seemed nervous and eventually let the cop into his house. The cop searched the house and found Chelsea and Bear hiding in the attic. She cooperated and left with the cops.
The cops apparently knew who Steve Sheerer was, because in 2012 he was charged with “charged with third-degree possession of heroin with the intent to distribute, third-degree possession of heroin, third-degree endangering the welfare of a child, and possession of drug paraphernalia” after he and a woman were pulled over. Cops found heroin in the car. They also had two kids with them in the car. Steve pleaded guilty to the welfare of a child charge. He served 53 days in jail in 2013 and was put on probation for the heroin possession charge.
The cops say that Chelsea and Steve met on Tinder, but they’re not dating. They’re just “acquaintances.”
Rosie O didn’t waste any time in airing Steve’s past on Twitter. Yesterday, Rosie tweeted Steve’s picture as well as his criminal history.
Sheerer charged wthird-degree possession of heroin with the intent to distribute, third-degree possession of heroin, pic.twitter.com/pxfvC5rJYc
— Rosie (@Rosie) August 19, 2015
The good news is that Chelsea is fine and so is Bear (who deserves a raise for the shit he has been put through).
This is also a warning to anyone who wants kids. One day when they’re a teenager, you may have to go to the police station to pick them up after they’re found hiding in the attic of a grown dude they met on Tinder. No, thank you. That sounds like a nightmare almost worse than your kid saying to you, “It’s my birthday and I want you to take me to the One Direction concert.”