Bullying Will Be Over If Kanye West Designs Shoes For Payless

May 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Kanye West shot an appearance on Ellen (it aired today), and they really should’ve temporarily changed the show’s name to KANYE! During her interview time with Kanye, Ellen DeGeneres should’ve just quietly exited stage left and chilled out in her dressing room until he was done (which would’ve been the day after never), because he took control. At one point, Kanye turned away from Ellen and addressed the audience as though he was giving a TED Talk if TED stood for Titanic-sized Egomaniacal Delusions.

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I Too Would Make The Same Face If My Diet Was Mostly Fruit And Vegetables

May 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Olivia Munn, seen above looking like she really regrets letting a stylist put her in a while skirt, recently admitted to Women’s Health (via E! News) that her body became 12 lbs lighter during the filming of X-Men: Apocalypse. And how did she do it? Was it exercise? Atkins? Coke cut with TrimSpa? That laxative tea that the Kardashians are always pimping on Instagram? No, it was eating almost nothing but fruit and vegetables. Don’t worry, I also shuddered at the thought of spending all day on the toilet releasing an endless stream of fiber-filled poops.

“My intention was to just get as fit and as healthy as I could be, for myself. By the time I was finished [filming], I was 12 pounds less than I started! It’s a big difference because I started working out every single day, and then I also started getting into eating 20-80, where 80 percent of your diet is fruits and vegetables and 20 percent is whatever.”

Whatever? Amateur” thought Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady. So apparently Japanese potatoes are the reason for Olivia’s new face and they’re also part of the reason for Olivia’s new body. Speaking of her new face, she also talked about her face (again) and how she still isn’t here for people taking a magnifying glass to recent pictures of her.

“I think…when you’re in the public eye, [scrutiny] does come with it. People want to say things. My girlfriend, she said to me the other day, ‘If people are wondering why you look younger, it’s better than them asking why do you look older.'”

Being asked about why you look different can suck no matter what the reason. I lost a lil’ weight once and a friend asked me how. The look she gave me when I confessed that my “secret” was eating a diet rich in Target popcorn was enough to make me wish I could go back in time and tell her to mind her own damn business. You should never feel pressured to reveal your truly shameful diet secrets.

A Week After Retiring, Morley Safer Has Died

May 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Stop the 60 Minutes stopwatch and pawn it off, because there’s no need for it now that Morley Safer has died. The Canadian-American broadcasting legend announced his retirement on 60 Minutes last Wednesday, and a week after he began living that retirement life of  staying up really late (8:30pm), eating Werther’s for dinner and booking a Carnival cruise to the Caribbean, he has gone on to heaven. CBS News says that Morley died today in Manhattan. He was 84.

Morley started off in the broadcast journalism game long before many of us were performing synchronized swimming shows for the other jizz fishes in a venue called Our Daddy’s Ballsack. Morley was a correspondent and producer for the CBC before he joined CBS News in 1964 and stuck with them until (almost) his death. Morley became known for his coverage of the Vietnam War. Morley joined 60 Minutes in 1970 and became the show’s longest-serving correspondent. 60 Minutes devoted all 60 minutes to Morley on Sunday night by airing the most memorable moments of his career. Morley said this when announcing his retirement:

“After more than 50 years of broadcasting on CBS News and 60 Minutes, I have decided to retire. It’s been a wonderful run, but the time has come to say goodbye to all of my friends at CBS and the dozens of people who kept me on the air. But most of all I thank the millions of people who have been loyal to our broadcast.”

Rest in peace, Morley. You are now in heaven, shooting the shit with Katharine Hepburn:

Pic: Wenn.com

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Demi Lovato Has More Thoughts On Taylor Swift’s Idea Of “Feminism”

May 19, 2016 / Posted by:

…and that’s why you can’t be in my friend club. I’m sorry, but I already have one non-skinny brunette and one half-Mexican former Disney child star. But if something opens up, I’ll, like, totally keep you in mind! I’m sure I have your number somewhere.

Shortly after a judge denied Kesha’s request to get out of her contract with Dr. Luke back in February, Demi Lovato looked in Taylor Swift’s direction and released a series of not-so-subtle tweets wondering why certain “self-proclaimed feminists” weren’t saying anything about the situation. Taylor responded by cutting Kesha a check for $250,000 and praying that such a gesture would shut Demi up. It didn’t. She kept on talking about it. Well, three months later, Demi is still talking about it. Grab a folding chair and a bag of popcorn, because it’s time once again for Demi Lovato to take shots at Taylor Swift.

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When It Comes To Baby Birthing, Pete Campbell And Rory Gilmore Are The TV Eva Mendes And Ryan Gosling

May 19, 2016 / Posted by:

2016 IS the year of the secret baby! It makes me want to have a secret baby. But you know, if I did, it wouldn’t stay a secret that long. If a human baby with my DNA was born, CPS would immediately sniff them out and open up a file.

When Eva Mendes got knocked up with her second GosBaby, nobody found out until their child was almost ready to make an appearance. When Eva did birth out her and Ryan Gosling’s second daughter Amada Lee Gosling, we didn’t find out until about 2 weeks later. Well, 37-year-old Vincent Kartheiser and 34-year-old Alexis Bledel managed to outdo their asses in the secret baby department.

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Kylie Jenner Already Has A New Rapper Boyfriend

May 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Sorry, fame-hungry rappers who were hoping to advance their careers and kash in on the Kardashian name, but it looks like Kylie Jenner is off the market. Only a few weeks after Kylie gave Tyga his walking papers and had security escort him off the property, The Sun (via NYDN) says she’s got a man in her life. And wouldn’t you know it, he’s also a rapper in his 20s with a corny stage name.

A source says that 18-year-old Kylie is now dating a 22-year-old Canadian rapper named PartyNextDoor (real name: Jahron Anthony Brathwaite). Party is signed to Drake’s OVO Sound label, and a source says Kylie and Party are “mad for each other.” I want to make a joke about how The Sun’s source was probably Kris Jenner. But between this and the possibility of a leaked Kylie/Tyga sex tape, I feel like she was too busy hyperventilating over Kylie’s ability to secure so many new KUWTK story lines so quickly to have made that phone call.

So far Kylie hasn’t confirmed whether or not she’s partying with Party yet. Party, on the other hand, has earned his first attention whore’s boyfriend bonus by Instagramming a picture of his and Kylie’s diamond-covered watches together. “Pfft, so what, I could have a watch too if someone would loan me a couple thousand dollars” hissed a jealous Tyga. And of course, TMZ just so happened to catch them leaving Russell Simmons’ All Def Comedy Live in Hollywood last night.

In case you’re wondering where you’ve heard the name PartyNextDoor, it might be from two months ago when Chris Brown made fun of a suicide attempt by R&B singer Kehlani, which was triggered by a picture Party Instagrammed of the two of them holding hands. So basically, he’s coming off some drama. Sadly, whatever he’s been through will never prepare him for the kind of sorrow that comes as the result of signing your soul over to the Kardashian/Jenner succubi.

Pic: Splash

Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Mark the Chicken, the true winner of  Survivor: Kaôh Rōng!

I think I may be the only trick who actually liked last night’s flaming pile of shit ending to the 5,601,562th season of Survivor, because it was a real WTF. It gave me a reason to hit the bong, so thank you for that, Survivor.

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Birthday Sluts

May 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Grace Jones (68)
Sam Smith (24)
Eleanor Tomlinson (24)
Eric Lloyd (30)
Jon Kortajarena (31)
Yo Gotti (35)
Drew Fuller (36)
Shooter Jennings (37)
Kim Zolciak (38)
Gail Simmons (40)
Dario Franchitti (43)
Amanda De Cadenet (44)
Jenny Berggren (44)
Alison Elliott (46)
Jason Gray-Stanford (46)
Geraldine Somerville (49)
Polly Walker (50)
Maile Flanagan (51)
Sean Whalen (52)
Dusty Hill (67)
Pete Townshend (71)
Peter Mayhew (72)
Nancy Kwan (77)

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Night Crumbs

May 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Courtney Stodden’s estranged mother has the sads over finding out about her daughter’s pregnancy in the media and said that she wishes they could experience this precious time together. I see where the Porn Iguana’s mess of a mother is coming from. I mean, if she doesn’t get to know her grandchild, how is she going to sell the poor thing off to a has-been creep-faced actor in 16 years? – Reality Tea 

Joel Edgerton is kind of giving me “hot piece version of Haley Joel Osment” in these pictures from Cannes – Lainey Gossip

Miley Cyrus is a nipple-flashing ninja – Drunken Stepfather

There’s only one solution to this: Ship all of the Kartrashians to Iran before they declare war on us! – The Superficial

You won’t ever see Cameron Diaz in a tube top – Celebitchy

Today in “Bitch, I Won’t Believe It Until I Get An Actual Invitation Even Though I Don’t Want An Invitation” news, there’s reports that claim gay “sex roulette” parties are happening in Spain – Towleroad

Selena Gomez looks like a Nickelodeon Jennifer Lopez here – Hollywood Tuna

Um, the new Ghostbusters trailer is out, and I’m not sure, but I think the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is a meth head now – IDLYITW

Katy Perry’s shoes probably cost $4,500, but my mom had a pair just like that in the 90s from Payless. Why pay more when you can Payless? – Popoholic

Alex Jones is one crazy bitch! Michelle Obama isn’t a transgender assassin who killed Joan Rivers. She’s obviously an alien who wants us to eat vegetables instead of fast food, because she’s planted tiny mind-reading chips in the earth’s supply of broccoli. Duh! I read it in the Weekly World News – Pajiba

It’s Oscar Isaac holding a pooch. This is all we need today – Jezebel

The Tetris movie is probably happening for real – Egotastic!

Hungarian reality show peen alert! – OMG Blog

Yup, Miley Cyrus is still smoking some strong shit – SOW

Oh please, like Zac Efron still doesn’t Google “Zac Efron shirtless” all day, every day – Just Jared

CoCo and Chanel are living the life – Popsugar

Pic: Wenn.com

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