“Brace The Charts, Because Here Comes My Latest Number OooooooOoooooone!”

November 17, 2015 / Posted by:

I was stopped at a red light not too long ago and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a dude in the car next to me SANGING so hard that I expected the roof of his motor vehicle to fly right the hell off. We both had our windows up, so I couldn’t hear the song he was singing, but after a few seconds it was clear to me by the way streams of pure emotion oozed out of his pores, that the spirit of Adele had taken over his body and he was yodeling out “Hello.” Bitch was feeling it like he was me and that song was an 8″ hard peen. I may drive around the streets today while hoping that fate brings the red light chanteuse and I back together, because my soul needs to experience his rendition of Adele’s newest song “When We Were Young.”

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Charlie Sheen Says He’s Paid Millions In Blackmail Money To Keep His HIV Status Quiet And He’s Done With The Shakedowns

November 17, 2015 / Posted by:

As anyone who hasn’t just come out of a long coma knows (Tip: If you’ve just come out of a long coma, do NOT watch the Jem movie or you’ll weep for humanity and want to go back into that coma.), Charlie Sheen is HIV-positive and in an interview with Matt Lauer on Today this morning, he said that he’s paid more than $10 million in STFU money to tricks who threatened to expose his status to the media. Well, grifting types are going to have to find another reason to blackmail Charlie Sheen for quick cash, because the world knows he’s HIV-positive now and the shaking of his checking account has come to an end.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 17, 2015 / Posted by:

Australian Toaster Biscuits!

Back in the late 80s and early 90s, the tongues of us Americans were blessed with delicious things from foreign lands like Clearly Canada from Canada and Australian Toaster Biscuits from Australia (Okay, technically they were made in America by an American company, but whatever)!

Australian Toaster Biscuits were around for a minute or two in the 90s and were supposed to take English muffins down. They almost brought on World War 3, basically. I kind of forgot about them until reader Andrea asked me to make them HSOTD and said that she tried to make them at home using a recipe she found online, but they came out as hard as a didgeridoo. The original Australian Toaster Biscuits were like fluffy pillows of wheat and as soft as an Australian angel’s ass cheeks. I really don’t remember what they tasted like, but I’m sure they tasted like one of Paul Hogan’s air kisses and eating one felt like a koala hugging your tongue.

I totally remember the commercial, though, and when I watched it last night, I nearly knew half of the lines. My brain would go blank if you asked me what the capital city of Australia is, but I know the lines from a 90s biscuit commercial.

I love that little blond Australian girl filling the nooks and crannies of English muffins with a little hate. See, a Britain vs Australia war almost happened because of the shit she talked about English muffins.


Birthday Sluts

November 17, 2015 / Posted by:

RuPaul (55)
Rocsi Diaz (32)
Sarah Harding (34)
Isaac Hanson (35)
Zoe Bell (37)
Rachel McAdams (37)
Leslie Bibb (42)
Kimya Dawson (43)
Ronnie DeVoe (48)
Daisy Fuentes (49)
Sophie Marceau (49)
Dylan Walsh (52)
Jonathan Ross (55)
Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio (57)
Roland Joffe (70)
Danny DeVito (71)
Lorne Michaels (71)
Lauren Hutton (72)
Martin Scorsese (73)
Gordon Lightfoot (77)

Pic: Getty


Night Crumbs

November 16, 2015 / Posted by:

Jessica Biel wore this mess of a dress to the Baby2Baby Gala and she probably thinks it screams, “I AM FASHION,” but to me it screams, “Some wear their heart on their sleeves, I wear my pussy lips!” – Lainey Gossip

Christina Milian did Mickey Mouse proud, because a bit of her nip made an appearance at a Disney event – Drunken Stepfather

The crazy on Real Housewives of New York City will be reduced by 95% next season if Ramona Singer, Sonja Morgan and Countess LuMann were really demoted to “Friend of..” – Reality Tea 

FYI: Sarah Palin says that God has once again forgiven Bristol Palin for making a baby while not being married  – Starcasm

Okay, but my takeaway from this post is that Ashley Benson could really use a good brow brushing – The Superficial 

Gay rugby player ass alert – OMG Blog

Madge got teary while speaking about the attacks in Paris during her show in Stockholm – Towleroad

“Already hit it, already hit it, already hit it, going to hit it next, already hit it,” said Leonardo DiCatchAHo while looking at these pictures of the topless VS Angels – (NSFW) The Nip Slip 

The Internet Is Awful: The Ariel Winter Edition – IDLYITW

Kiki Dunst likes a masculine manly man who opens the door for her and pays for dinner – Celebitchy

This cat wants the Q-Tip, but for a totally different reason – The Berry 

Panty Creamer of the Day: A topless Alexander SkarsgardPopsugar

Since cats will be our rulers one day, it’s only fitting for them to be at the G20 Summit – Jezebel

Amber Rose’s hair looks like carpet with vacuum lines – Hollywood Tuna 

Jessica Alba wore a lot of dress to that Baby2Baby thing – Popoholic

Rose McGowan thinks that Caitlyn Jenner is doing a shit job at representing women – Just Jared

Pic: Getty


Charlie Sheen’s HIV Is Undetectable, So Says TMZ

November 16, 2015 / Posted by:

We barely found out earlier that Charlie Sheen will announce on Today tomorrow morning that he’s HIV-positive and TMZ is already working it hard. TMZ’s sources say that Charlie knew about his HIV status for more than a year, but kept it to himself. Eventually, Charlie told friends and those friends told others who told people that he did sex with. Charlie’s ex sex pieces were of course mad that he didn’t tell them and threatened to sue him. Charlie reportedly hushed them all up with a pile of money in exchange for their silence and a signed confidentiality agreement. One of those settlements happened as recently as last month. When

Another source tells TMZ that Charlie has been on a series of meds and his status is now “undetectable.” Everything I know about being undetectable I learned from Looking on HBO (no, I didn’t). Being undetectable doesn’t mean you don’t have HIV anymore. It means that the HIV meds are working well and the amount of virus in the blood is lower than the amount a blood test can measure. The chances of passing the virus is less likely, but there’s still a risk. TMZ’s source that Charlie admits that he did it with several people throughout the years and says that he didn’t deceive any of them since he’s undetectable.

One of Charlie Sheen’s ex-goddesses, Bree Olson, has already said in a note on Facebook that she’s HIV negative, so she wants the tabloids to stop asking her about it! And a “source” tells People that Charlie’s second ex-wife Denise Richards has known for years and wants everyone to know that she’s HIV-negative.

“She’s known Charlie was HIV-positive for a number of years. He was infected after they divorced, and they haven’t been intimate since. Neither she nor their daughters are HIV-positive.”

Pic: Wenn.com

Husband Of 9/11 Hero Returns His Wife’s “Woman Of The Year” Award After Finding Out That Caitlyn Jenner Got The Same Honor

November 16, 2015 / Posted by:

If it was up to me, Glamour Magazine’s Woman of the Year award would go to Dame Joan Collins every single year. But for some weird reason, Glamour doesn’t agree with me and they give the award to several women every year. This year, Republican sweetheart Caitlyn Jenner was given the Transgender Champion Award and she showed up to the event giving you “mother of the bride after her 4th chardonnay” (see above). If there’s one person, besides Pimp Mama Kris, who wasn’t clapping when Caitlyn got her award, it’s Officer James Smith whose wife Officer Moira Smith posthumously got Glamour’s Woman of the Year Award for saving lives in the 9/11 attacks. Officer James Smith recently told Glamour to take his wife’s award and shove it.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Breakout Star Of The Moschino Barbie Commercial

November 16, 2015 / Posted by:

The limited-edition Moschino Barbie is a raggedy wreck (see: those fishnet biker shorts and 90s brick ass cellphone), but the fauxhawk-having little boy in its ad sells it with a wink and a “sooo fierce.” The $180 Moschino Barbie is sold out in less than an hour and Moschino and Mattel owe it all to the star of its ad!

The little star of this homage to the Barbie commercials of the 90s looks a lot like Moschino’s creative director, Jeremy Scott. They both have that fierce cockatoo hair. The New York Post claims that this is the first time in the history of everything that a boy has been in a Barbie commercial. If that is a fact, then my 6-year-old self, who stole all of my sister’s Barbies, is beyond jealous. I would’ve sold my entire family to the mafia in order to say the words, “Peaches and Cream Barbie is SO elegant,” in a Barbie commercial.

via Towleroad


The Chick From Blindspot Thinks Her Fake Tattoos Are Poisoning Her

November 16, 2015 / Posted by:

I don’t watch Blindspot, because I thought it was going to be a flop and shit canned after 2 episodes. I decided to watch Wicked City instead. I should really become a TV SLYCIC since I’ve obviously got skills. Blindspot was already renewed for a second season and Wicked Shitty was sent to the morgue after only 3 episodes. Speaking of the morgue, the star of Blindspot Jaimie Alexander reportedly thinks her dead body could be headed to the morgue in the near future and the coroner will write “Death By Fake Tats” on her death certificate.

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