Constantly sprinting to her lawyer’s office to deal with her ex-husband Jason Sudeikis’ fast and loose filing finger and juking from frenemy Emily Ratajkowski’s desperate attempts to apologize for making out with her ex-boyfriend, Harry Styles, must not be intense enough cardio for Olivia Wilde; so she also frequents Gwyneth Paltrow’s shifty hype-woman friend/celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson’s gym. But Olivia and Harry must not have discussed who would get the gym in their November breakup; because he also still goes there, and they both showed up yesterday and very narrowly avoided running into each other and having to exchange fake awkward pleasantries right in front of the paps who are curiously always stationed there.
Going to the gym is hard. You gotta find the right place that meets your needs, find the right time to go, figure out the right workout routine, and eat the right foods to support your healthy lifestyle. The rewards, like a better quality of life, are pretty cool, but sometimes waking up at 6 am to go to a spin class where an impossibly fit lady with a serial killer smile shouts at you to go faster makes you second guess if it’s all worth it. That is if you’re normal. Other people like to make their fitness life as harrowing as possible. Take, for instance, “fitness influencers” who decided that because of the high levels of protein in it, dog food would be a good option for gym gains. It’s like the Tide Pod thing but instead of Zoomers, it’s gym bros.
The other day Will Smith posted a photo of his perfectly plump pandemic pooch and captioned it, “I’m in the worst shape of my life.” Relatable. Well, it turns out that was a “before” pic, cuz Will just announced he’s filming a YouTube series where he gets back in the “BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE!!!!!” And it’s called… wait for it… Best Shape of My Life. Errr, less relatable.
The streets are full of fighting and we don’t need any more of it, but I do have one video of street-fighting which you shouldn’t find overly controversial. Unless you’re really passionate about Tom & Jerry cartoons. A cat and rat got into it in the streets and while you’d assume the cat would sweep that rat with a first-round knockout, Lil’ Ratty had other ideas and was leaping around and sending flying kicks to that cat like it had spent its life training with the Ninja Turtles.
Jason Lee’s ex-SFL (sidekick for life/until one becomes an SP) Ethan Suplee has a new podcast out called American Glutton which, according to Cinemablend, is all about his lifelong struggle with his weight. Apparently, Ethan’s gone from Mallrat to Gym Rat. He’s ripped now, and says “he’s lost and gained at least 1,000 pounds over the course of his life,” which sounds exhausting. This is why I just stay fat. And as if to prove my superior life choices, Ethan says that when he was at his thinnest, he was miserable. And this is coming from a Scientologist! Imagine the torture of biking “100 miles a day, six days a week” if you didn’t have whatever worse torture that goes on in the Sea Org for comparison.