Category: Twitter
Elon Musk Stopped By Twitter HQ As Part Of His Crusade To “Help Humanity”
The ink isn’t even dry yet, and there are still a number of Is to dot and Ts to cross on Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter, but he’s already thrilled and delighted his soon-to-be employees by instituting a new company tradition— Bring Your Sink To Work Day! According to the BBC, Elon still has until tomorrow to finalize his purchase, but he got a jump start on being the HNIC (what? head nerd/neanderthal, narcissist- take your pick!) by dropping by Twitter’s San Francisco headquarters carrying a porcelain sink. Seems random, I know, but Elon’s not your typical CEO! Elon’s got jokes, and while this gag appears to be solely in service of a very sweaty pun, he tweeted, “Entering HQ: let that sink in,” any employee who doesn’t want to count themselves among the reported 75% reduction in the workforce he has planned, better have laughed their fucking asses off. Those who either didn’t laugh or made themselves scarce when Elon arrived, better hope he says “psyche!” again by midnight tonight.
M.I.A. Compared Alex Jones’ Sandy Hook Conspiracy Theories To Celebrities Promoting Vaccines
I haven’t thought about M.I.A. since she flipped us the bird at the Super Bowl Halftime show ten years ago. But, this week, she was thrust back into my consciousness for a very random reason. M.I.A. compared Alex Jones‘ lying about the Sandy Hook shooting to celebrities promoting COVID vaccines. Heh? Some context, in case you only get your news from this site (and good for you!): trash conspiracy theorist Alex Jones has been ordered to pay nearly $1 billion in restitution to the families of the victims killed at Sandy Hook, cuz he said the tragedy never happened and the grieving parents were paid actors. M.I.A. took to Twitter to add her two cents. Unfortunately, both of those cents were absolutely certifiable. She wrote, “If Alex jones pays for lying, shouldn’t every celebrity pushing vaccines pay too?” Rational thinking: it isn’t for everyone.
Lena Dunham Got Dragged For Tweeting That She Wants Her Coffin Driven Through NYC Pride
Look up foot-in-mouth disease in the encyclopedia, and you’ll find a picture of Lena Dunham. The #1 symptom? Saying really dumb shit. Last year, 36-year-old Lena blamed some of her more ignorant moments on being young and having “huge blind spots.” And since she’s (mostly) stepped out of the spotlight these past few years, she hasn’t had a ton of public FIM flare-ups. But that all changed yesterday when Lena tweeted that when she dies, she wants her casket to be driven through NYC Pride with a plaque that reads: she wasn’t for everyone, but she *was* for us. Oh no.
Some Conservatives Are Pissed About Lizzo Twerking While Playing James Madison’s Crystal Flute From The 1800s
Last week, Librarian of Congress Carla Hayden took to Twitter to invite Lizzo to pop by the Library of Congress while she was in Washington D.C. for her tour. BOOOORRRRRIIIIIN- oh wait, the library has a historical flute collection? Which features a crystal flute owned by President James Madison in 1813? Cool! Especially for a famous flute enthusiast like Lizzo. So, Lizzo took Carla up on her offer, and this past Tuesday, she got to play the prized crystal flute at the library. Later that day, she surprised fans at her concert with a special guest: the flute! Both times Lizzo played the (magic?) crystal flute, she did some very light twerking, because why not? Afterward, everyone was very happy and chill, cuz history is neato, and the crystal flute is pretty. Not! Some people (*cough* conservatives) were très scandalized. And WAP-hater Ben Shapiro, who’s probably never even heard of the crystal flute before this week, was the head of this angry mob.
Open Post: Hosted By Blockbuster Announcing Its Return On Twitter
Delete your Netflix password, cancel that HBO Max account, and continue to not buy Paramount+, because Blockbuster is back, baby! The place where the latest features were constantly sold out, but always had multiple copies of features like A Murder of Crows or Double Jeopardy is coming back from the dead. Are you excited?! …Look, nostalgia marketing isn’t going anywhere, so we all gotta get comfortable with the constant reminders of the transient nature of life and our mortality.
Twitter Lusted Over The “Clark Kent” Of The January 6th Hearings (UPDATE)
Last night was the season finale of the January 6th hearings, and yes, it continues to be the most deplorable reality television show ever, but nobody cares about that because it’s depressing. Do you know what isn’t depressing? Hot men. Well, until you try to date one but that’s another story. Last night during the hearings, a mysterious man seated behind witnesses Matthew Pottinger and Sarah Matthews caused the streets to runneth over with panty pudding and thirst after Twitter affectionately dubbed him ‘Clark Kent’, Superman’s alter ego. But unfortunately not much is known about this heroic hottie other than his superpower of inadvertently redirecting the focus of that horrible day onto himself. And now we have the answers to people’s burning (loins) questions, though he’s being very vague about the man’s identity.