Remember when Elon Musk was forced to buy Twitter for billions even though he was joking about buying it in the first place but then pretended he wanted to own it all along so that he could create a platform that promoted free speech. Instead, he slowly broke it (while also slowly becoming broke) because he kept trying to make people like him? From messing with the algorithm to charging spammers users $8 for a coveted blue verification tick, Twitter is somehow still around despite Elon’s genius ideas. And even though his Twitter Blue subscription model isn’t going as well as he hoped, the Boss Baby is doubling down on the concept. Twitter recently announced that legacy verified users would lose their blue ticks unless they pay up by April 1st. Unfortunately for him, the plan is going about as well, using dank memes to win Grimes back.
While it probably didn’t involve the same perilous terror of being trapped inside a whale’s mouth or the EAR-itation of being trapped on the It’s A Small World ride, Stephanie Ferrari and her husband probably soiled their chonies a little when the two of them got into their dogs’ crates and the doors locked behind them, making escape challenging. Lucky for the internet, the fiasco was caught on video from several different angles, and lucky for the couple, they were eventually freed.
Look up foot-in-mouth disease in the encyclopedia, and you’ll find a picture of Lena Dunham. The #1 symptom? Saying really dumb shit. Last year, 36-year-old Lena blamed some of her more ignorant moments on being young and having “huge blind spots.” And since she’s (mostly) stepped out of the spotlight these past few years, she hasn’t had a ton of public FIM flare-ups. But that all changed yesterday when Lena tweeted that when she dies, she wants her casket to be driven through NYC Pride with a plaque that reads: she wasn’t for everyone, but she *was* for us. Oh no.
Of all of the things that Nicki Minaj is known for, making sound decisions isn’t at the top of the list (see: her convicted sex offender/killer husband, Kenneth “Zoo” Petty). So when Nicki announced to her hordes of followers that she was going to hold an “impromptu meet and greet,” it was another of her choices that seemed like it would go over about as well as her trying to have a peace talk with Cardi B at a fully stocked Foot Locker. Unsurprisingly, shit went south. People got out of control, crowds swelled larger than her cousin’s friend’s impotent testicles after a COVID vax, and the event was called off–but not before a fan was able to catch a video of Nicki shoving him and posting (and then deleting) it on TikTok.
Last October, Kim Kardashian turned 40 and there was no way a little old pandemic was going to come between her and a huge, tacky party. So Kim dropped $1 million to fly 30 of her family and friends to Tahiti. It was a deeply questionable move that felt like a potential super spreader event. But all Kim ended up catching was a bunch of negative press. That made me wonder if Kim had her surgeon implant a lucky horseshoe up her ass during a procedure. But Kim didn’t have some kind of invisible virus-repelling force field around her. Kim and her kids ended up getting COVID earlier this year. It got so bad, it shut down production on Keeping Up With The Kardashians for several weeks.
David Crosby: sperm donor to Melissa Etheridge, father figure to Drew Barrymore, and the black sheep of my beloved Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. None of the band members will speak to David anymore. Not Stills, not Nash, and certainly not Young (David called Neil Young’s wife, THEE Daryl Hannah, a “purely poisonous predator”). So yeah, for an old hippy folk singer, 79-year-old David isn’t known for being super chill. So it’s not surprising that he pissed off people on Twitter last week. In response to a fan asking for his opinion on the late Eddie Van Halen, David tweeted, “Meh”. Uh oh.