Last night was the season finale of the January 6th hearings, and yes, it continues to be the most deplorable reality television show ever, but nobody cares about that because it’s depressing. Do you know what isn’t depressing? Hot men. Well, until you try to date one but that’s another story. Last night during the hearings, a mysterious man seated behind witnesses Matthew Pottinger and Sarah Matthews caused the streets to runneth over with panty pudding and thirst after Twitter affectionately dubbed him ‘Clark Kent’, Superman’s alter ego. But unfortunately not much is known about this heroic hottie other than his superpower of inadvertently redirecting the focus of that horrible day onto himself. And now we have the answers to people’s burning (loins) questions, though he’s being very vague about the man’s identity.
Proving that Daddys just do it better, Mexican actor Jaime Camil is bringing on the down-low tingles after he recently recreated his own sexy photo from nearly twenty years ago. The original shot was taken in 2004 after Jaime, then 31, was named one of “Mexico’s Sexiest Men” by Quién Magazine. Well, this time around, he’s got some silver threads and a few boss tattoos, but the thirst is still there. Quién Magazine might as well change its name to Quénch because that’s exactly what they are giving us with this spread.
Stanley Tucci has a massive cock-
tail repertoire. In a recent Instagram post, Stanley got tongues a’waggin’ and mouths a’droolin’ by demonstrating what he can do using just his bare hands and a couple of ice cubes. Stanley made my favorite cocktail— elixir of bespectacled cue ball in a tight polo shirt, also known as a Negroni. Stanley’s demonstration of how to properly craft a thirst quencher had the opposite effect, causing a mighty thirst on Twitter for Stanley’s quiet confidence and moderately hairy forearms.
Kumail Najiani is still buff and he’s still talking about it. We’ve got another year of The Eternals promo to thank for this. Kumail is now covering the latest issue of Men’s Health, and he’s letting us know the dark-side to getting buff. He apparently developed body dysmorphia after getting a superhero bod.
Kumail Nanjiani shattered the loins of the internet earlier this week when he posted pictures of his new buff body brought on by his The Eternals workout routine. Kumail’s wife, Emily V. Gordon, kept the thirst traps coming when she posted another shirtless picture of Kumail, this time with a fucking pussy on his legs. The animal variety. And also, Kumail can say he’s really made it since PornHub made him a category model.
Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth have been publicly separated for several hours now, which means it’s time for the PR machine to kick into high gear. If they play their cards right, Miley can squeeze a Country Time Lemonade album out of this current breakup, and she and Liam can be back together by next hot girl summer! People Magazine is conveniently offering two narratives that support that possibility. The first is that Liam is no angel. The second is that nobody’s rushing to file divorce papers just yet because “there is absolutely hope that they will get back together again”, which means this is definitely going to be a Groundhog Day situation and we can expect at least 6 more months of coverage.