If your initial shock was also that Jewel ever earned $100 million to be able for someone to embezzle it, I get it. But upon further ponderance, she and her trompe l’oeil titties have given us a lot. Much of the population has probably yodeled along with her to “Who Will Save (SAY-hee-AYVE) Your Soul,” and how many other razor commercial bangers can you remember besides “Intuition?” None, that’s how many. But instead of occasionally using the lyrics to “Hands” to joke about not being able to grip something girthy or resting her face against the cool, foggy car window while moodily mouthing “Foolish Games” like the rest of us, Jewel’s mom allegedly played some foolish games with her four-time Grammy-winning daughter’s pile of money when she used to be her manager.
Debra Messing can really put her shank down finally because Susan Sarandon has decided that she really wants to hear a bouncer angel say, “Sorry, you’re not on the list, bitch,” while trying to get into the gates of heaven by starting an all-out war (not really, not at all) with honorary earth angel Cher. But Susan threw a PLOT TWIST at us, because even though she’s on Team Biden My Tongue And Voting For Joe and Cher is fully on Team Biden, this isn’t about politics. Susan has poured some 33-year-old tea by telling us that the role of Alexandria in The Witches of Eastwick was originally hers but that Cher, seen above exquisitely working one of The Slut Dress’ ancestors, swooped in and took it from her.
2020 just keeps getting shittier for Ellen DeGeneres (and literally every other citizen of Planet Earth). TMZ says Ellen and her wife Portia de Rossi’s fancy Montecito estate was burglarized on July 4 (rude, that’s America’s birthday!). Cops say their mansion was “targeted due to the victim’s celebrity status”, and don’t know if it’s connected to a bunch of other recent break-ins. The thieves took a bunch of expensive jewelry and watches. So far no word on the value of the items stolen.
Add this woman to the list of insanely brazen criminals, and also to the more niche list of insanely brazen criminals with power tools. Video surveillance outside of a Botox clinic in Sugar Land, Texas caught a woman with no mask using a power saw to break into their facility and rob them hardcore.
Page Six says that Goop held a “wellness summit” in London and it sounded like a time share pitch (sans free continental breakfast) from pretentious HELL! One attendee found the experience so ridiculous they called her “a fucking extortionist”. And you know what? If the over-priced shoe fits.
Soulja Boy’s home was burglarized Monday night to the tune of over $600,00 ($500,000 jewelry and $100,000 cash), which is too bad because he’s currently in jail for weapon violations after police paid him a visit for online threats and holding a woman against her will. So really this couldn’t have happened to a better guy! And it turns out the thieves are about as good at making decisions as well as Soulja Boy is. They went on his Instagram live to brag about their burglary skills.